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Capable of chaning?

mom23ms's picture

So I've already blogged and posted aboutg me and SO breaking up. I've bitched and complained about his kids at least a million times.

I originally moved out from exSO's house because I was tired of his kids. Tired of the disrespect, lack of discipline, their lying, their stealing, manipulation. The list could go on and on. My kids are younger then his, if mine step out of place he is the FIRST to bring it to my attention. His are older and do the most nastiest things and say the nastiest things and he just "ignores it." He allowed them to use me and treat me like a Nanny (because he did the samething.)

So I move out and all of a sudden something zaps him in the ass and he "realizes that he was wrong and his kids were wrong." He claims he knows he allowed his kids to treat me like trash and acknowledges the fact that they did. He admits he didn't parent, and that there were two sets of rules for his kids and my BKs and that HIS children really did mistreat my kids. When in the past he would make excuses for his kids.

Anyway, he realizes he was NOT a parent so he tells his kids that there will be rules and consequences now...YADDA YADDA YADDA. Well his girls don't like that and haven't came to see their dad since I think January. Now mind you, his custody agreement was every 1.5 days. I think he's seen them 3 times at the most. They refuse to see him, talk to him, and have wished death on him. They will NOT come over and BM doesn't enforce it. So....he is actually fine about it. At first he was sad, but he's over it.

The SKs not coming over would be every SM's dream come true. Even his theapist says "walk away." SO has ALWAYS been jealous over the relationship with my EXH but that's only because he has a horrible relationship with his EX. My EX and I are on good terms because of my kids. ExSO use to send his daughter with me when I had to go pick up my kids because he says "I don't want you to go alone." WTF? I don't need anyone to go with me. I am not on bad terms and DON'T TELL ME I AM MAKING YOUR KID COME WITH ME. That lasted about a month and I told him that she is NOT to go with me anymore.

Now FF to now. He doesn't see his kids at all (it's mutual) and he wants me and my kids to come back. For weeks now he's been saying his was wrong and admits his parenting flaws and how much he loves my children.

I guess my question is....Is it possible to change? Does he really know what he did? Or is he just saying it for me to come back? He can't possibly want me to come back so I can care for his kids because...THEY ARE NOT IN THE PICTURE. Is this odd???

Anyone have any advice? Anything?


mom23ms's picture

As much as I really don't like his kids...and at one point I would be doing cartwheels because these kids were out of the picture. I am more mad because I would have rather him stepped up to the plate being a father and freakin parent them and actually punish them and stick to it. To me, he's just letting them get their way. And also, I see it as a possible ploy to say "MOM23MS, come home..It's just us. My kids aren't going to be in the picture." And the next thing I know they are knocking at the door with their bags in tow and the same crap is going down. Of course it maybe good for a few weeks (giving him the benefit of the doubt) but I'm sure it will go down the crapper.

Hmmm...maybe I just answered my own question. I love this site! lol

sixteensmom's picture

I think he can change and the fact that he was sad at first and then got over it is actually a good thing. He laid down the law, told them there would be rules (big kudos for standing up for you here, he didn't have to do it, he could have taken the easy out and said forget it, she's gone, i'll do as i've done.) So now that they're gone he's lonely and realizes that he wants you back.

Try it, you might love it.

For 8 years I put up with all the skid crap (and dh was clueless) and it all came to a head when sd26 and her husband came to live with us after graduating from college. THey didn't help us around the house or yard, didn't even buy toilet paper or wash their towels, picked fights with me and my kids, and were all around snots. They lived with us for 6 months. I lost my cool one night after a couple margs and really let my dh have it and told him i was DONEEEEEE. they moved out shortly after - never said goodbye or thank you for letting them live there. That was October. We skipped Thanksgiving because I didn't want to deal with the drama, the two of us went away. They came to Christmas, I got lotion. DH was pissed and let em have it. We took sil out for bday dinner, got no thank you. Saw them out for st pats, i busted son in law buying shots for two girls in the back bar while sd was introducing all her friends 'this is my dad, this is my dad (no mention of me) sd wanted to leave, but she couldn't find her husband. she came around the corner and there's me and sil and two other girls doing shots. her little sniveling brat fuck face was priceless. she turned and my dh was there and told her to slap a smile on and do shots with us, that face was too ugly for his daughter.

yay for Dhs who change!

LizzieA's picture

That's maddening it took you leaving for him to admit all that. That means he knew you were right all along but wasn't man enough to do something about it. I'd make him stew for a while, go to counseling, etc. You have leverage right now, big time. Once you're back, it could all go downhill. Life's too short to live in hell.