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BM just called

NCMilGal's picture

And wow, I've been a fool.

I could have sworn that SD14 was smarter than this, but apparently not. She was just caught - for the second time this year - sending extremely explicit texts to her new boyfriend. She's only been "dating" him since Saturday. When BM talked to the boy's mother, she found out that he had talked at least two other 12-yr-olds he had "dated" into sending explicit photos to him.

Kudos to BM - she's taken the phone away, (last time, she lost it for three months) taken the netbook away, and (I believe) is taking the bedroom door off the hinges. When SD14 comes to MIL's house to see us week after next, she is to be forbidden use of the phone or internet.

BM and her DH are at wits end. I may not like her, but on this issue, all four of us are on the same page. DH and I are really glad BM called us to keep us in the loop. There is NO WAY that SD14 is going to be able to play us against each other. Not about this, she's not.

So what do you do with a sexually precocious 14YO girl who has made the same mistake three times now? (she also encouraged an online predator a year and a half ago right before her 13th birthday) We're going to brainstorm and offer suggestions via email tomorrow. I've found multiple mobile phone monitoring software packages and computer keyloggers, but that's for later IF she earns them back.

Thanks, ladies.


NCMilGal's picture

Crystal, thanks.

The funny part is, DH and I are both military. This might actually drive BM over the edge; if the problems continue, she may ship SD14 off to us.

Of course, the cost of military school is what would kill us. I'm pretty sure it would eat up our savings and SD's college fund. (although, would it be $1250/month? If both BM and DH contributed the CS amount, that might cover it)

forestfairy's picture

I have no advice but I just have to say "way to go" for all of you parents to be on the same page instead of against each other. Good job for working together!

NCMilGal's picture

I may be dating myself here...

Remember the movie "Kids"? I saw it in 1995 when it came out, and it disturbed me profoundly. A young girl is HIV positive from sleeping around and in the final scene is raped while passed-out-drunk.

Amazon has it for $10; I believe I'll pick it up.

stepoff's picture

My opinion: usually girls who do these types of things suffer from a low self-esteem. They feel like this is the only way to get a boy to like them. It's sad, really. The media that's available to teens these days are filled with images of brittany spears, lindsey lohan, paris hilton, etc., and their obnoxious behavior and clothes, not to mention the 'unauthorized' sex videos. Kids see that kind of stuff and think that that is the way to get attention.

NCMilGal's picture

I know she has low self-esteem. She's quite overweight, and has been picked on in most of her schools. At the age of 11, her nickname was Sasquatch because she was chubby, had huge hands and feet (woman's size 11) and has extremely thick wavy hair that is constantly in her face.

Now she's semi-popular for the first time, and is getting attention from boys for the first time. I know (oh, very well do I know) what that's like. What she doesn't realize yet is that ho-ing around will hurt her self-esteem more, and won't make her magically happy. She's also stuck in the "bad things won't happen to ME" mind frame that I think we're all familiar with.

What really perplexes me is that I would have sworn that she wasn't like this. She's not sulky or moody or defiant, generally. She seems to have a head on her shoulders when talking about relationships and consequences.

NCMilGal's picture

She knows we all love her; I think that's the one thing she's truly secure about. BM is extremely expressively emotional, her DH really treats her like his own, and while we had a rough patch and I'm more emotionally reserved, I think we hammered out the kinks between us.

But love from parents is a very different thing from attention from boys and popularity.

Jsmom's picture

Congrats on all being in this together. This is something that I could totally see my SD14 doing. She texts 8,000 a month. Her mom however would think it is great that she is popular. This is why we are giving up custody of her. She doesn't want rules and mom is more fun.

It is great that you are all on the same page. Kudos.