The is just to let you all know how the weekend went after DH made it clear to BM that she has no control over the rules at our house.

During the conversation before picking up kids on Friday:
1. She said it is ridiculous that his WIFE needs to be a part of the conversation she wants to have with him about his wife and kids. (Why?) Because I am "not their parent".
2. I treat the kids like my slaves when they are here (because SS10 had to wash a pot last weekend) and they have to get chores that are appropriate for their ages (12&10) and washing a pot is not appropriate for a 10 yrs old. (DH told her "Huh? He should be out mowing the lawn!")
3. I do not not pick up after them, but I am supposed to. (But wait, I'm NOT their parent, right?)

Text while on his way to get the kids:
"The kids should not be scolded for their feelings... and you are ignorant and your wife is immature and does not know what the children needs."
DH did not respond to that.

Before she let the kids down so that they can get in the car, she came down by herself and ranted:
1. DH NEVER does anything with the kids when they are with him. (So not true.)
2. I am so immature because I have not yet allowed her to see our baby. (Apparently this is really starting to get to BM because DH's best friend's wife, who is her very good friend, saw the baby the weekend before and kept going on and on about how adorable baby is and how good I look for having just had a baby, and no doubt would have told BM this.)
3. Even her new, long-distance boyfriend agrees with her that I am immature for not letting her see the baby. And if HE and BM have a new baby, DH would get to hold the baby.
4. I'm sure that there is more that DH won't tell me, all of the stuff where she attacks HIS character.

When the kids got into the car, DH told them that when they come to our house they have to follow the rules of the house, and if they feel like they cannot or do not want to follow the rules, they are free to leave the car and stay the weekend with their mom. They did not leave the car. BM kept ranting outside the car. DH asked her "Are you done?" and rolled up the windows and came home.

He had a long talk with the kids when they got home too. And we had a VERY good weekend with them. We set up a computer for them finally, they had their first ever visit to the dentist (upon my insistence), we went to the beach, they watched a movie that they really wanted to see. And they did their chores without even being asked, and were so appreciative and loving this weekend (They ate the lunch I cooked, had seconds and thirds and complemented me, and even had more of it for breakfast the next day!)

On Sun, BM called and asked DH to drop them back (she was supposed to pick them up) and she asked the kids what they were doing. They were on the computer then, having a lot of fun and I don't think she was too happy to hear that.

When DH arrived to drop of the kids, he decided to go up to talk to her about the dentist stuff. As soon as the kids got in, she sternly sent them to their room. SD was going to say good-bye to dad and she didn't even get to. No goodbye, no hug, no "love you, dad", DH was so sad.

DH told her about taking them to the dentist and that 1/2 the cost of SS's visit would be $30. The weekend before, he had told her about SD's eye medication and her 1/2 was $20 and she whipped it out and gave it to him, not even wanting to see the bill although he made sure to show her. Her boyfriend was visiting that weekend. This weekend, she said that she lost her job, and that he has to pay for it since he is Their Father. He said he would take it out of the CS check next week. She said that if he does that, she will take him back to court for back payments (they have an agreement that is different from Court Order, because she told the court she wasn't working and she WAS working). DH told her to go ahead and take him back to court, and that he'll have her explain in court where his CS payments go, since some of it goes toward buying her tickets to X to visit her Boyfriend, when that money is supposed to go to his kids.
Then she slammed the door in his face.

Who knows for sure if she lost her 20 hrs a week job? Or if she quit because she has a new man? Or if she's just lying to avoid paying her share? It's sad that they system doesn't give a shit about fathers - if she lost her job, DH would have to pay; but if DH lost his job, he would still have to pay.

And it seems the kids are afraid to tell her they had a good time at dad's. I don't know if they get in trouble for that...

DH would like to keep putting his foot down, but at what expense??
We don't want the kids to be traumatized.
We don't want to go back to court.
We just want to live our life in peace.