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My head hurts!!

hehatesme's picture

so, for those who have read a bit you wont be surprized at the latest...

My dh decided he also needs some help coping with his son, so off the the local mental health office.. 1st. they wanted to talk to him about ss16 "mark' on his wrist, and let him know the proper procedure of he tries to hurt himself with a greater attempt. He claims it was from playing around with his buddies.. ya right.

So after my ss16 is done with his meeting his dr. come in also and then the 3 of them ramble on with all their mumbo-jumbo therapy language, and my dh( who is a CADC1 counselor) fills their heads with a bunch of crap about how he is leveling out, bla bla bla.. I stare at the pretty violets, look at pictures, wondering if these trained professionals can see through this load of shit!!

In the mean time my daughter, who is a freshman wants me to meet her new "friend"- she has never dated before, and im only up for the group dating thing, not alone one-on -one time . Meet him ,cute kid, looks at me directly, answers all of my questions, meet his mom, etc.. seems like a ok thing. Mention this to my DH and his exact words are

"HELL NO, IF YOU LET HER DATE, WERE DIVORCING" really?? I mean I cant ask SS16 for a towel from his room to do laundry, and he gets the ultimate decission for my daughter. the next night, i lay in bed crying, he yells at me about all the reasons why im being stupid, my bd daughter is stupid and he doesn't want to ever hear about anything she does from here on out if this is what I do.

and I still cry. thank god i leave for vacation tomorrow- he said he cant get the time off- even though his pay stub had 25hrs of vacation time- I know it's because he cant make SS16 go or even behave if he did.. how sad it that?

Comments

Angel72's picture

Why haven't you divorced this man yet?
1. He's taking all this frustration and anger about his son, on you and your daughter.
2. He called you stupid.
3. He called her stupid
4. Divorce cause you would let your own daughter date???? Since when is your daughters life decisions , affect your marriage to him. Why would he base it on your daughters life? Oh...can it be cause his son if fucked up and doesn't do the norm of dating like other kids his age...yah....so that's why he pulled a hissy.
Take the vacation, stop crying and seriously think what futur you have for yourself and daughter in this marriage.
If he had said this to me , my response would have been: What did you say to me? DONT YOU EVER CALL ME OR MY DAUGHTER STUPID AGAIN! THE ONLY PERSON STUPID IN THIS RELATIONSHIP IS YOU FOR NOT TELLING THOSE DOCTORS THE REAL SCENARIO WITH YOUR SON. AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE A DECISION FOR MY DAUGHTER WHEN YOUR OWN SON CAN'T GIVE ME A TOWEL FROM HIS ROOM SO I MAY DO LAUNDRY AND IF I EVER HEAR ABOUT YOUR SONS EMOTIONAL DISFUNCTION I'LL PUKE. . So wehn i'm back from vacation you better have a lawyer ...that would have been my answer.
I'm really sorry that he hurt you and that you feel hurt. He is taking it out on you because of his son and the situation. Doesn't maek it right. The vacation for you came at the right time. I'm sure your dh is also pist that you are leaving for vacation and he is left holding the bag (ie his son) too bad....take the vacation, relax and think.

ChaiLatte's picture

Well said Angel72!

I also say call his bluff, because threatening you with divorce is most likely a massive manipulation instead of his true desire. Tell him exactly what Angel72 said, and the only thing I would change is telling him in a calm voice,

"I ill not tell my daughter she cannot go out with her friend. What you chose to do with that afterward is up to you."

He's either never going to be able to use the divorce threat again, because you've taken the power out of the threat, or he'll follow through with the threat. In which case, the relationship was doomed anyway, because no sane person divorces because someone let their daughter go on a date. He sounds very unstable, and I'm sorry you and your daughter have to go through so much stress.

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

MarriedwithChild's picture

Well said everyone!

Instead of going to therapy with an asshole like that, I'd be visiting a Divorce Attorney- pronto.

Sorry. No way I'd let a man talk about my daughter like that.

Good Luck and hold your chin up!