Thought consuming and need to get it out
I just need to vent.
DH was helping SD in preparation for her high school activities. (I know this sounds weird, but I’m trying not to divulge too much telling info.) I could hear them from the other room where I was with DS. DH was starting to wrap things up when (At 8:30pm) SD said she wanted to go to her Aunt’s because BM was sleeping there that night.
Then she got sidetracked and her and DH started doing some other related activity. 30 minutes roll by and when DH says he needs to get DD4 to bed, SD starts changing her tuning and saying that she doesn’t get to spend any time with DH. DH reminded her that they just spent the last hour to hour and a half doing stuff.
Since I was in the other room, I didn’t hear everything but SD started saying that DH doesn’t spend enough time with her because he’s always doing stuff with DD. (Not true.) DH tried to explain that DD is 4 and needs help with stuff. And to be honest, DH has been more busy with stuff outside and around the house and I’ve been with the two younger ones. And once DH settles down, he wants to just sit down on the couch and be on his phone (which is what SD does all day anyway - and tried to tell DH he’s on his phone too much).
DH then tries to get DD ready for bed and SD huffs into her room mumbling something, but loud enough for us to hear. I tell DH that he needs to go talk to her.
DH goes round and round with SD about her going to her Aunt’s because “she wants to stay here but doesn’t” and is “sad and mad and my mom knows how to calm me down.” DH calmly asks her why she’s sad and mad but she can’t spit it out.
DH and I had talked earlier, because all this SD stuff consumes my thoughts and I hate that it does. I told him I wanted to write her a letter so I could organize my thoughts. So when he was talking to SD and she said she couldn’t say why she was sad/mad, he suggested she write it down. She then blamed him for trying to end their conversation and that they never get to talk!
I could tell he was starting to be over her behavior. He reminded her that they’ve spent plenty of time together when she was helping him outside. And that if she wanted to spend time with him, she has to change some of her schedule. [Her current schedule is stay up late, sleep in until after noon, be on her phone and/or in her room when she is awake, then repeat.] I don’t think DH was doing everything he could to really wake her up, but I could see that after trying enough he was over it and just wanted to move on.
SD’s response to him wanting her to change her schedule? “It’s to haaaaard!” Boo-frickin-hoo. By this point, DH lost his cool and very sternly told her “If you want to spend time with me, you need to not stay up all night, not sleep until 1 in the afternoon, and get your butt out of bed. You are 14 years old!” And of course the waterworks start from SD and she calls mommy. DH tells her to give her the phone and he talks to BM on speakerphone. He calmly explains the situation and BM just listens and says the occasional “mmhmm.” BM says some stuff about SD missing out on stuff and this being a hard time for her but BM says that it’s not an excuse (shocker!). I think it shocked SD too because she said “oh right, you take his side now that he’s on the phone.”
After all this, SD got her way and got to go to her Aunt’s house. The only way was if BM came to our house to get her. I’m just glad that she didn’t wake up my kids by leaving at 11pm. DH tried to say that it’s good if she thinks she’s coming up with the decision (about leaving or staying), but I asked him what if it’s the opposite of what you want the outcome to be? He didn’t have an answer for me. What B.S.! Because that’s what happened! He wanted her to stay, even told her mother she didn’t need to come, and then BM comes to get her. How does that work?!?
I guess I should just be glad she’s not here. DH told her she could come back but that he was going to be busy Friday and Saturday. When she found out it would only be for a day she opted out. Thank goodness, because I don’t want to worry about having her around. Especially since our anniversary is coming up and DH has expressed multiple times that she will not be with us this year (thank goodness).