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It happened more quickly than I expected...

Simpleton21's picture

SD text SO last night and told him she is done with competitive cheer.  This Sunday was going to be her first competition.  I guess they told SD that she wasn't ready for the competition so they were just going to have her watch and have another girl fill in her spot.  They didn't kick her off the team just told her that she didn't have the routine down good enough for the competition so they wanted her to sit through this first competition.

Well of course BM through a fit about it and went off on the coaches telling them they didn't do a good job coaching and obviously didn't know how to coach.  That having her sit and watch the team and humiliating her isn't teaching her and helping her improve.  BM allowed SD to quit.  I knew this wouldn't last long because I have seen SD do regular cheer and she is all over the place and does goofy stuff to get attention and look cute.  I knew that wouldn't fly when BM wasn't her coach anymore but obviously it is totally the coaches fault that SD didn't get the routine down correctly.  It is amazing how they make SD the victim rather than teaching her to practice and work on areas she needs to improve upon.....SO is all in a tizzy about it too and encouraged quitting and agreed that the coaches are just horrible.....I just stayed out of it.  

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

I don't get this with parents.

The only time my parents EVER yelled at a coach was when the coaches were yelling at us for not being aggressive enough and not maintaining our positions.

It was a recreational league. Of youth soccer. The first year they had our age group playing positions versus just kicking the ball around. I was 7.

Even then, my parents made me keep playing for the team, but made sure the coaches stayed in line (and my parents weren't the only ones upset by their behavior).

This is why some adults, at all ages, job hop every 6 months. They get one bit of criticism and they jump ship.

Simpleton21's picture

I would view it more as a coach problem if more than 1 child's parent's were upset.  It seems to be isolated to only SD.  Also, I think they should have made her stay on the team that she tried out for and wanted to be on so desperately and handled this better.  Not undermine the coaches right in front of SD and tell SD that she is 100% justified in quitting and encouraging it.  Of course she isn't my kid and anything I would say along that line of thinking would be considered picking on SD as well so.....also SD is 11 and she knew she was trying out for COMPETITIVE cheer.  It is a lot different than making the team that everyone makes and doesn't require try outs....at least IMO.

ESMOD's picture

Meh.. competitive cheer.. from what I have seen in most places.. if your mommy will pay the bill.. you get to be on the team.  I don't think my SD's teams ever made someone sit out even if they were messing up.  Missing practices (too much) might have I guess.

Simpleton21's picture

I think they know that SD is a PITA based on experience with regular cheer.  She did not make the competitive team when she tried out last year.  She did make it this year.  BM is always trying to get exceptions for SD to miss practice so that probably has to do with them wanting to sit out at the competition.  IDK...of course I only get the BM/SD version of things.....

Siemprematahari's picture

BM is teaching her to be a quitter and not to be able to take healthy critisism. SD can benefit from watching and also practicing, practice makes perfect! I think it a great idea staying out of it.

 

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, not my place, they want to teach SD to be a quitter that is on them.  You are so correct on the criticism also.  SD can't take any constructive criticism without crying and making it out like the end of the world.  When SD called SO her main complaint was that when they told her she cried and now all the rumors are starting about her.  I'm guessing rumors were already in place b/c BM has always expected special treatment and exceptions for SD.....

Pickles45's picture

Oh please. My SO's daughter has never committed to anything. That is why at 14 she is involved in 0 activities and has absolutley no interest in ANYTHING! She tried dance for a few months when she was little. Didnt like it. Got to quit. Tried horseback riding lessons when she was 8 or 9. The instructor talked a little gruff/short with her. She quit. She joined the schools swim team two years ago. Swam one season. Quit.

I can't stand it! I swear it is a miracle I still have a tongue in my mouth the way I have to bite it!!!

Simpleton21's picture

Well I'm sure it was all justified, lol!  Look, I get that kids may not like all activities that they join.  It took me a while to find something that my son truly enjoyed but I didn't let him just quit immediately when something upset him.  I made him commit to the actual full season or year or whatever it was before giving up.  SD has wanted to be on competitive cheer since last year.  Last year she didn't make the cut.  She does regular cheer but she gets to sit out all the the time b/c BM is always getting exceptions and special treatment for her and now that SD wasn't ready for the first competition BM is letting her quit!  

It is truly hard not to say what I actually think to them in this situation!  I honestly thought she would make it like a month before she got an "injury" and couldn't participate but still got the attention she desperately craves.  She usually gets injuries when they start making her run and do to many physical activities....

Siemprematahari's picture

Simpleton~or plain and simple SD probably just really sucks at cheerleading and her mother is in denial. Lets be real here.........SD may like cheer leading but its just not her thing, nothing wrong with that. She should pursue other activities and find what she's good at because it doesn't seem like cheer leading is it

Simpleton21's picture

Oh, I agree 100% Siemprematahari!  I think BM has been trying to shove cheerleading down SD's throat for the past 5 years at least and trying to live vicariously through her because BM was a nerd growing up.  Plus I think she thought she was MOTY being a "cheer mom".  SD was constantly "injured" over the years and since she has been known to fake injuries I rarely believed that she was actually hurt.  It was always to get out of actually doing cheer.  SD is also in tumbling and has been forever!  It isn't something she has to try out for or work on every night so she hasn't quit that yet....I think she should stick with her 1-2 night a week tumbling and stop all the extra activities because she is always trying to add more activities.  I think it is truly more of a PAS tactic than actually what she really feels is best for SD.  Cheer took up every night and weekend and forced SO to rearrange his schedule and basically devote every weekend he had off to cheer.  That was ending so competititve cheer would have taken even more time after regular cheer and every weekend as well.  

Iamwoman's picture

Wow. BM is teaching SD very poor life lessons here. Lawnmower parent much BM?

My own DD wasn't allowed to compete all season for her high school team sport, but she went to every practice, worked hard, improved, made friends, and still had fun while staying in shape. It's not uncommon to sit a kid out until they improve. I think we are getting away from the "everyone is awesome" decade, because that has actually caused lower self-esteem and higher rates of suicide in young adults. I guess your BM didn't read the research... lol

Simpleton21's picture

I couldn't agree more with you Iamwoman.  BM is a helicopter/lawnmower parent for sure.  I guess last night she decided to contact the head of the organization about this whole situation and now if SD decides to stay on the team she can compete on Sunday.  She definitely squashed a valuable lesson in life here (again IMO).   

I'm glad that you taught your daughter correctly!  BM will forever be stuck in the SD is awesome decade, lol!

marblefawn's picture

BM pulled a dumb move!

BM should have told SD that if the girl taking her place doesn't show up, SD will step right in and shine, but if SD doesn't go or quits the team, she'll never get the chance to show 'em what she's got. You never know when you'll get a second chance.

When I was a kid, my musical director took away my solo a few nights before our show opened because I wasn't getting it right. I was crushed! The night before the show, the woman who took my solo was getting her costume fitted, so the director told me to just go ahead and sing it. Maybe it was the humiliation, maybe it was pure shame, but I belted out that song so well they reinstalled me as the soloist! And now I'm on Broadway starring in Phantom of the Opera! (OK, that last part didn't happen.)

You already know BM handled this wrong. Not much to say about how kids are raised to only participate if they're the star or getting a medal. Someone has to be in the chorus and sometimes those kids really do end up on Broadway because they know how to pay their dues.

 

Simpleton21's picture

Yes, getting told you need to improve is part of life!!!! BM definitely just screwed up that life lesson for SD.  I'm disengaged completely from this situation because I know SO and BM don't want to hear what I have to say.  Instead they want to still pretend that SD is amazing and couldn't possibly need to practice harder.  The coaches are just terrible *scratch_one-s_head* and to make matters worse BM went to the head of the organization last night and got it "taken care of" so now if SD decides to stay in competitive cheer she will be allowed to compete on Sunday.  Ugh!  

LOL, I totally thought you made it to the opera marblefawn!  

marblefawn's picture

Well, hell, I COULD have made it to the opera if it weren't that SOME people don't know talent when they see it!

In the long run, SD will figure this out on her own. Her parents won't always be able to hoodwink everyone -- there are too many battles to fight in life. I think SD's parents are like most parents now...paving the way for precious offspring. It worries me these are the people who will be wiping my a** someday.

I recently wrote an article about the next generation of physicians in America. They are pushing back against the rigorous schedules doctors kept. They're joining big health systems that have generous time off and guaranteed salaries. I could hear the resentment in the older doctors I interviewed. Frankly, I never understood why anyone would have a resident working 12 hours a day for weeks at a time performing surgery, so this might be a good thing in this aspect. But it speaks volumes about our latest generation of workers.

marblefawn's picture

PS: I didn't make it to Broadway, but I am a busy neurosurgeon. Hahahahahaha!

(I'm a nobody and finally settling into it with verve!)

Simpleton21's picture

I'm more impressed that you are a neurosurgeon!  That rocks!  

Sorry you might not even notice this comment b/c it took me so long to check back in :/