You are here is gonna be a long road...

Simpleton21's picture

As stated in my last blog I'm getting a dissolution.  Done with DH.  Over the BS and manipulative and controlling behavior.  I was trying to be nice and civil but you can't do that with an idiot narcissitic person.  I had given him until the end of the month to move out (not sure why he was still wanting to stay other than to continue using me anyways).  Well this weekend he was extremely adamant about changing the phone bills (basically taking me off his plan).  No big deal and it needed done anyways.  For the past week he has been talking about thinking he made a mistake and wanting to "really try" with me and he still had love for me.  I knew he wouldn't put any real effort but told him, "ok", just so I could def say I myself tried also.  His effort lasted all of 2 days of being nice/flirty with me and being upset that I wouldn't have sex with him still.  Then he started getting mad that I would bring up/question the whole meeting with the ex BS!  And he would say, "this won't work if you keep hounding me about this".  Clearly he wasn't trying at all and putting in no effort at all.  He just didn't want to move and inconvenience himself.  He wanted to drag it out and stay in my home as long as possible b/c clearly he doesn't want to go move in with his mommy.

So back to the phones.  He was the main carrier/account holder so we had to call customer service from his phone to do the change of ownership of the lines/separate the bills.  They talked to him and then needed to talk to me.  I'm out front on my porch on speaker phone with the customer service agent when a text comes in from "ex gf".  Even though I was still ending things at this time I was livid.  I scrolled through took screen shots of all his texts to her and sent them to my phone to read better after I get off the phone with Tmobile.  But a brief glance was something like this "I miss talking to you and kissing you and touching you, sorry I blocked you, my wife is stalking me and arguing with me so I didn't want to unblock you until I moved out" yeah...he busted his own dumb@$$ there and although I was livid at the moment I am happy now.  I know that he was definitely lying and I made the right decision to continue with the dissolution.

Obviously I told him that he could no longer stay at the house until the end of the month and he needed to GTFO then and not come back except to get his stuff.  He still tried to act like "it wasn't like that"...Really!?!?

Today he texts "are you sure we made the right decision" and I was like "I know I did, I won't live with a man that is pursuing another woman, lying to me and sleeping in my bed, it is OVER!" then he started getting mean and nasty and wanting me to "own up to my part of the blame of ruining our marriage".  WTF?!?! It doesn't matter who is to blame or who is at is over...leave me alone!!!! 

I wanted things to be civil but clearly his immature/selfish/effed up thinking is going to make this a rough road Sad


missgingersnap2021's picture

Wow I am so sorry! It's amazing how some people just try to hold on. In a way arent you glad you saw thoses texts? Did you ever tell him you read them? I oudl have ust fowarded one to him without saying anything else.

Simpleton21's picture

I don't know why he is trying to hold on now while missing and texting his ex and wanting to be with her.  Maybe she is already over him too?!?! I'm so thankful that I did see the texts.  I took screenshots and sent them to myself from his phone.  Oh and he def knows that I know. That is why I went off and told him to get out then and he was no longer welcome until the end of the month. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

While I would disagree with trying again with him because you already know you have tried everything, you would not of gotten the inside scoop on his message with ex gf if you had not tried again and was on his phone at that moment. Thank goodness you told him his chance to stay till the end of the month is no longer an option because he clearly has no respect for you and is just trying to get what he can out of you.

I am really sorry that this happened though. It is all so disappointing and terrible, BUT at least you got out and can move on to better things for yourself and your child.

It will get worse before it gets better, but it will definitely get better!

Simpleton21's picture

I agree I tried to many times.  I just wanted to leave with a clear conscious knowing that I did try and that he didn't.  Seeing the messages made it much easier to tell him to GTFO.  I have to much empathy/sympathy for others and he had none for me.  You are right he had no respect or appreciation for me...and no morals!

I'm honestly not sorry.  I'm grateful that I saw that message.  I'm glad I got the sign I needed to make me angry instead of sad.  It gave me the extra burst of strenght I needed to get him out. 

I know it will get worse.  Yesterday he was pretty vindictive and hateful.  Wanting me to claim I ruined the marriage, lol!  Mmmkay!  It is over buddy, doesn't matter!  Luckily I have a lot of supportive people around me, this site, my friends and family...I got this Smile

advice.only2's picture

I'm sorry you are going through this, but it's good you saw the proof with your own eyes.  He's just an idiot thinking he can keep you and his comfy place to live while having his side piece.  What an a$$hat!

Simpleton21's picture

The most pathetic part of it all is he was chasing her and hounding her and being obsessive with her and has probably already scared her off too.  So he tried to replace me while still with me and lost us both.  I feel a weight has been lifted for sure!

Stepdrama2020's picture

Smart move girl.

Once a lying cheater always a lying cheater.

POS narcissist and the ex GF wont last long, not that it matters to you, but it wont. So F him , F her and onto freedom.

I have an ex DH and a ex SD in my rear view mirror and life is grand.

Simpleton21's picture

Thanks!  It was the final push of anger and strength I needed to get him out.  My dad changed the locks on the house yesterday so he can't get back in. 

I agree, it makes sense now that he was so worried about me and trying to act like I was always up to something when he has probably been cheating with different women the whole time.  Projecting his guilt onto me.  Gross!

Oh, I know they won't last long, reading the texts again when I was calm she was distancing herself and he was acting clingy and possesive of her.  So he stopped trying with me to pursue her and now he will have neither.  I kind of hoped that she would entertain him for a while though to make it easier on me.  I'm loving my freedom already!

The sad part is that even though my SD was a royal PITA she had actually gotten better and more respectful and was appreciative of me.  But yeah, it is nice that I no longer have to worry about that drama b/c I'm sure it isn't over! LOL

Stepdrama2020's picture

Dang it just occurred to me IF STBXDH does stay with the ex GF, if she is dumb enough, your SD will be a royal PITA to her. So have a big smile on that.

 Your SD made strides with you. It took time for SD to realize how fabtastic you are. A new GF will start SD back at square one. Lets keep an eye if the GF comes on this site LOL 

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, I don't think STBXDH will stay with his ex gf from HS.  I have read the messages several times now and he was chasing her. I think she is already regretting her role in this...and SD will be a PITA to her b/c she found out that her dad did this and that is why we are divorcing so she would really make her uncomfortable I'm sure.

I do feel like my SD and I had a really good relationship here at the end.  She was becoming more mature and appreciative.  More so than her father even.  Hahaha, oh yes, we will know if his new GF shows up here Wink LMAO

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Wow, what a jerk! I'm so sorry, Simpleton. Ending a relationship is rarely easy. Hopefully, the dissolution will go through quickly. Better days ahead for you soon. {{{hugs}}}

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, total jerk, super selfish!  It is hard but I hope that it can be somewhat civil.  Even his friends have reached out to me to let me know they are sorry I'm going through this and what he did is inexcusable!

Simpleton21's picture

I'm really praying it will be but I have a tendancy to pick the wrong, crazy men and they usually have a lot of meltdowns before letting go.  I am prepared to ignore anymore of his meltdowns.  The locks on the home are changed and our bills are separated.  I can handle it!

JRI's picture

My divorce from my ex started out as a "friendly separation" and ended up in court with me charging him with assault.  Emotional situations can go seriously downhill fast.  Take care.

Simpleton21's picture

Yeah, unfortunately I've had some rough endings to previous relationships as well.  I wasn't married to them but yeah they were still hard to get rid of and a bit crazy/psycho.  I want it to be friendly but if he wants to make it difficult that is on him.  I had my dad change the locks to the house last night, I have a security camera, and neighbors that are now aware of the situation.  I hope he is smart enough to stop being petty and let it go.

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, he is regretting it.  Not remorseful at all but definitely regretful.  He lost his supply for good!  He now has to find a new one!

Harry's picture

Or if he moves in he will have to pay his 1/2 of the living expenses.  Then again, GF might not want to live with someone who was cheating on his DW.  She known in a year or two he will be cheating on her.   That the funny thing about AP,  hard to trust them. Or what they say.  They did it once or more and has a lot of practice on lt.

Simpleton21's picture

He moved in with his mom where he can live rent free.  Super attractive to all women I'm sure.  A almost 42 year old living with his mom, not paying rent, and has 2 kids and 2 ex wives.  He shot himself in the foot and now he has to deal with the consequences.  I think he already scared that girl off.  To bad.  I was hoping she would keep him happy and entertained until this was final at least.


Simpleton21's picture

Oh you know it! She was always lonely and begging him and guilting him and bribing him to come see her.  Now she has him all to herself!  Def YUCK!  She had a room cleared out and ready for him before we even fully decided to separate!  

I'm extremely happy to be done with her! 

grannyd's picture


Ah, my dear Simpleton! 

And, as you may recall from my 2 out of date PMs, I’ve always hated that inappropriate designation; you are miles away from being a ‘Simpleton’! Your posts, over the last few years, have been intelligent and insightful as well as highly amusing. I’ve missed you and your supportive and open-minded comments.

So sorry, Hon, that you’ve reached your limit with your ‘wasband’. He has never deserved you, despite the fact that you became the Energizing Bunny who kept on ticking; the best mother and stepmother that a man with baggage could possibly long for. 

I was 41 years old when I married the love of my life, after 2 failed relationships. He is so thoughtful and devoted that, after 35 years of marriage, I still have to pinch myself to believe that he’s for real. Hon, a woman cannot do all of the giving, compromising and understanding. There comes a juncture when one’s own mental health vetoes an inequitable relationship and, quite frankly, I’m glad to hear that you’ve reached that stage. Howsabout those memorable lyrics from ‘I Will Survive’,

Oh no not I, I will survive
And as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive


All the best, you bright, good-hearted, caring survivor, NOT Simpleton Give rose


Grannyd, aka theoldredhen, aka GrannyGoose 


Stepdrama2020's picture

Dang you brought tears to my eyes.

OP listen to this wise wise advice and support.

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, I know I'm not a Simpleton!  I just had to hide my identity!  I find it amusing!  My "wasband" (love that) apparently thought I was a Simpleton but he was wrong.  I am unfortunately a caring/empathetic/sympathetic person and that bites me in the butt a lot.  I'm getting much wiser to this though!

You are 100% correct.  I have always deserved better and he has never appreciated me at all.  He is still trying to get me to "take my accountability for ruining the marriage".  LOL!  I tried my best and he didn't deserve it.  It was take, take, take and it was exhausting.

Thankfully I am very confident now that I'm older.  I'm also not feeling like I need a man or a replacement man or any of that nonsense.  I don't feel like a victim...remember my wasband is the obvious victim here...duh!!!  But anyways, I don't feel like a victim.  I just feel free and have peace of mind.  I'm going to focus on my kids and my career and enjoy my life!

Cover1W's picture

Ah yes, shades of my ex H as well....I found texts and emails and he STILL tried claiming there was nothing going on. Uh-huh.

He tried calling me a backstabber and all sorts of things because HE got caught and I was icing him out. Only essential communication about separation and divorce was needed.  FFS - some of them don't grow op or ever understand anything!

Good for you, get him out of there!

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, even after seeing the clear evidence he was trying to claim "it wasn't like that".  I said, BS, those messages are very clear and it is like that.  You are busted.  You need to GTFO NOW! 

I really don't care what my "wasband" calls me or says about me to others.  I don't care if he paints me as the bad guy.  His best friend already reached out to me to say that even though "wasband" was his friend him and his wife aren't buying his 1 sided story and aren't saying mean things about me (in case "wasband" tried to claim they were) and that they sitll had respect for me and love for me and his actions were inexcusable and they would help with the boys if I ever needed help.  He can't even convince his own friends that I'm the bad guy even when desperately trying to!  Plus not even sure why it matters at this point who is the "good guy" or "bad guy".  It is over, let it go and move along!

My home is so much more peaceful with him gone!

Cover1W's picture

A couple friends of my exH's saw my ex's worst behavior towards me and that was it. They had nothing to do with him moving forward. Now that couple is broken up (not a bad thing) and she's now one of my best friends.

Simpleton21's picture

I was very close to his friend and his friend's wife.  They are a great couple and they are smart and insightful.  I've always loved them.  He knows that STBexH has bad behaviors and makes poor decisions and he cares about him but he also told me that he had a real uncomfortable talk with him about how he is effing up and also knowing how my STBexH is he also wanted to make sure he wasn't filling my head with negative input from them.  He wanted to make it clear that they still respect me and care about me and have not said anything mean about me no matter how STBexH might spin it.  They know him well. They know me well too and knew there was more to the story than what STBexH was telling.

Olivia2020's picture

with those texts popping up right before your eyes and in your hands! Good for you for telling him to GTFO right then and there. 

The exDHNarc would flat out deny the texts that I would see come in from his ex-wife/BioHoMom to the DaughterWife23. I showed him a pic I took of him when we were in the car one day (waiting at a stoplight), I said 'hey handsome!' and wanted to snap a pic of him. The picture of the expression on his ugly face was a sign from the universe. He turned to look at me with the most AWFUL look on his face, like he smelled something rotten and with dark Narc contempt in his eyes. Whoa! I didn't say anything until a couple weeks later when I was going through the pictures on my phone and I really looked at it, my heart sank, I showed him the picture and he DENIED it was a 'go to hell' look he gave me. I wish I could share it here. Pure evil. 

Your freedom is very much overdue and you will see sunshine soon! 


Simpleton21's picture

I felt like it was the universe aligning.  I was plagued with guilt for wanting to end it already and then that made all the guilt I had disappear.  It was a definite sign.  The timing was perfect also.  He had wanted to do it the night before and I made him wait.  I truly believe everything happens for a reason!

Oh, I've seen those looks, like they can't be bothered with you and deep down resent and hate you! 

I am so at peace with getting my freedom back. 

Thank you for your reply Smile

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Please make sure to take care of yourself.  While it sounds like you are ready for this to be over, any major change in life can be more stressful that we anticipate so make time for you and practice self-care.

Simpleton21's picture

Thank you!  I am trying.  I know I need to eat more but I'm kind of liking losing weight finally Wink LOL!  I was going to the gym with the "wasband" trying to bond and reconnect in a healthy way but well we see what happened there.  However, I still plan on going to the gym. I'm taking a few days off to get stuff around the house the way I want it but I am definitley going to continue going. 

I started practicing more self care when this all started flaring up about a month ago.  I decided screw him.  He isn't taking care of me or my needs but I'm going to without him.  Went and got a pedicure and chopped off all my hair and got highlights.  It feels great!  Self care is not selfish!!!

justmakingthebest's picture

Don't ever delete those screenshots. Print them. Keep them for a moment of weakness. 

You are doing the right thing but a true Narc will love bomb the hell out of you, they are excellent manipulators (although this guy sounds like he has a short fuse and expects everyone to bow down within hours of his charm turned on).

Glad to see you booted him now and didn't even give him this last week. Just stay strong and know it is ok to mourn this relationship. You entered into it with an open heart and love and commitment. You sacrificed and were open and true to him. Then, after you have taken the time to mourn what should have been, celebrate your freedom. 

Simpleton21's picture

Oh, I still have them and have reviewed them several times.  Thankfully a good friend has stayed with me in SD's former room the past few nights and been great moral support and a good distraction!

I know there will be moments of weakness but right now I'm so angry and disgusted I think I'll be good and I'll still have those messages ;)  Oh he has already tried the love bombing the night he actually left and then after our call with the atty today.  At least he is being civil briefly again. 

Hell no, he didn't deserve another week of comfort in my home still talking to his mistress!  I already had my dad come and change the locks and I have a security system.  I sacrificed way to much and I won't do that again!  I'm already feeling more calm and happy in my home!

missgingersnap2021's picture

Do you have a pet? If not go get a dog or a cat! They will make you feel way better than any man can!!!

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, I agree, they will!  I have 2 awesome dogs and a cat that wants nothing to do with me.  Oh and the 2 kids keep me pretty occupied also!  I know I don't need a man!  If I ever date again I will be very cautious and I will never cohabitat! I like having my own home!

CLove's picture

That must have felt horrible. This whole thing is horrible.

But also cleansing. Because of its finalty and certainty.

I also got rid of a "hanger on" ex who wanted something from me. I basically called him out on his abuses, told him hes not getting anything from me and then I blocked him completely.

Where, it feels good. Now for the purification ritual.

Simpleton21's picture

It was initially horrible and heartbreaking but it also gave me clarity.  All the "I don't know" answers he was handing me weren't cutting it and it gave me answers and let me know I was doing the right thing.

After the anger went away I was relieved.

I wish I could block him completely but we have a child.