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Here we go again

saruhhh_04's picture

I knew my SO putting his foot down to SS was too good to be true....he let him get away with everything once again.

We were at our friends home (they have a 2 year old...we'll call him FC). While SO was outside with the guys grilling, I was inside with the kids and the girls cooking. Their kitchen is small, and the fridge is right next to the walkway (just to give you a visual). SS was leaning against the fridge, and FC was riding his play train into the kitchen when he got stuck. I looked over at the right moment and saw SS "fake" spit on FC...and then look up at me with that annoying "I did something bad and you can't do anything about it" smile....that smile seriously makes me so angry!!

I wasn't having it. I told him to "do not do that again". Then he starts playing dumb and saying, "what? what?". And I said, "what I just saw you do...spitting on FC!". Then he goes into denial, "I didn't spit on him...I had something on my tongue and did this.." (he re-enacted it, but instead of putting his face down, towards FC, he aimed up to the ceiling.

I walked outside and told SO that I couldn't believe what just happened, and I continued to tell him the details. Halfway in between he said, "Oh, that's where you f****d should've just came out and told right away because now it's too late, I can't say anything". OH, I CALL B.S. It happened less than 2 minutes ago, and he was still in the kitchen.

About 5 minutes later, SS walks out of the house and SO tells him to go back inside. I immediately felt somewhat relieved because I THOUGHT he was going to make it clear to SS that what he did was wrong. Two minutes after, one of our friends came out of their house and told me I should check on SO because he was laying on the couch with his son, and apparently looked like he was about to fall asleep. I go inside, and sure enough he is laying there with SS watching a movie. I could already tell he didn't make anything clear. When he joined us outside, he confirmed what I already knew. He said he briefly told his son that he shouldn't do that again...and that was it. That was all that was said. I was left feeling like the bad guy...and I can only imagine what SS told his mother when he went home. Greaaaaat.


elkclan's picture

He was told off by two adults for not even actually spitting on a child, but just pretending to. What exactly do you think else should happen? Honestly if my son did that (or similar) I'd basically just tell him off for doing it. It was rude, it was wrong, but he didn't actually spit on the child so a telling off should suffice (in my book). 

saruhhh_04's picture

He actually spit on the child. Not a lot, but he did. He tried to play it off as "faking", but I saw it come out of his mouth. And then when he re-enacted it, he lied. That's a double-whammy in my opinion. He does stuff like this all the time. He'll hit people, he admits to bullying his classmates, he's consistently lying. He isn't disciplined at his father's or his mother's. He's always doing what he wants, and getting away with it.

If that was my child, I would sit them in time-out. Nothing excessive, but I wouldn't calmly tell them to "don't do that again" and then cuddle them on the couch - especially if this sort of behavior was a daily occurence.

tankh21's picture

I agree with elkclan and my skids have behavior problems. If is becomes a reocurring thing that the kid is doing and there should be further action taken like taking things away among other things depending on how old the kid is.

saruhhh_04's picture

He is almost 6. This kind of behavior happens all the time. Every single visit is the same thing. And it's always the same reaction from his father...either letting it slide, or calmly telling him to "stop" and then leaving it at that. And clearly, those methods are not working. He has no discipline in either household, so he's doing everything he wants with zero consequences.

tankh21's picture

Are we living the same life?! Yes I do agree if this happens then further action by your DH should be taken. My skids act like they are 6 most of the time.

saruhhh_04's picture

It's incredibly frustrating! Allowing him to behave this way, is not doing him any favors for the future. If this continues, I can only imagine how bad it will be when he's a teen...

In the beginning SO said he was scared to discipline his son - at that time he was only seeing him once every few months. Now, he sees him every other weekend and sometimes inbetween during the week. Even with this, he hasn't changed his parenting style. Meanwhile, SS's behavior continues to get worse.

tankh21's picture

The only other solutions since your DH doesn't care to discipline his kid is to disengage or leave. I have chose to disengage from my DH's brats.

notasm3's picture

I would have gone to the kid's parents (preferably in front of your DH) and apologized profusely for your SS's hideous behavior.  And I would have apologized again as leaving.  Let your DH tell them that his son spitting on their child was no big deal.*diablo*

Maria10's picture

Yes...I like...devious...will use!

saruhhh_04's picture

Oh, he told them what his "talk" with SS was about...they didn't comment, but I'm sure they had some thoughts