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When I die they can put "I regret nothing" on my tombstone. . .

princessmofo's picture

You ever have those moments in your life when you know you just cannot handle something? You hear this little voice instead telling you, "Stop! You cannot do this." But you ignore it. You sweep it under the rug until it becomes such a large mess that you inevitably trip over the bump in the rug. Well, that is my life as a step-parent. I read someone's blog on here earlier in the week who had a one year plan to bail. And I thought it was brillant. Often times we talk about formulating an exit plan but not following thru. But occasionally all it takes is precious time. My situation is horrifyingly unique. My DH works with BM(horseface bitch devil cunt) in close proximity at HIS family's business. Horseface still insinuates herself into every aspect of DH's life thru ss. She pulls the fucking strings and the puppet dances. DH's mother has never liked me, still clings to horseface, and has now blatantly chosen devil cunt over her own son in the ongoing custody case. I am throwing my money, my time, my emotions and my sanity into this for dh! And for what? Nothing. I am more invested in it than he is. It is impossible to live this way with another human being when you have no support, emotional or mental. Our marriage is doomed to failure. I know it. No matter how much DH begs me to "believe". Ok, Peter Pan. I'll just wish on a star that it'll all work out for us. Can any of you fathom how hard it is to go this alone without your family's support? I cannot even imagine how DH can take it up the ass everyday like this. My family, even if they didn't agree with your decision, would still back you because you ARE family and they love you. I do not regret my time with dh. I loved him. I still love him. And I have learned a lot from our relationship, but I'm not cut out for this. If just once, somebody...anybody, had stepped up and put that evil stink wagon bm in her place (including dh who gave her EVERYTHING and now she still wants more including their son) I think things would be differnt. But nobody does. If they tell her off for personal reasons, she brings it work and makes their life hell. I truly hate bullies. It's the one thing I cannot stomach. I DO NOT back down. I'm a a scrapper and I am enraged by individuals who will not (grown ass adults) put them in their place! Bullies speak one language...fear. Scare them and they back off quick. But alas, this is not my responsiblity. It is not my place to do this and I am tired of suffering in silence. So that being said, I regret nothing but I will not continue to live like this. And there is only one solution. Exodus.


nothinforya's picture

There is a tombstome is a very old cemetary in Virginia for a woman named Sarah Goode who died sometime around 1780. Her epitaph is "She hath done what she could". Just do what you can, Princess, just do what you can.

WickedStepMom18's picture

Princess - my heart broke when I read this because, lady, I started the Exodus process last September. Your situation is truly unique. But I do understand no emotional/mental support. At the end of the day, that was the undoing of my relationship. I have wasted ten years of my young life trying to make a situation work when there was only one answer. Exodus... In our hearts, I think we know it. I was just too scared to agree with myself!

princessmofo's picture

Thank you for your kind words. I literally feel like I am at the end of my rope and I'm about to tie it in a knot and slip it over my head these days! It's just too much at the end of the day and dh making me feel guilty for not "believing" does not help. "Just believe." Really? Who the f*ck are you, dh? Journey? It's not that easy.