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The truth hurts. . .

princessmofo's picture

DH and I had a charged converstaion when he arrived home yesterday. As some of you may know from my previous posts DH has an "unusual" employment circumstance. Every day DH gets up and leaves me (wife #2) and skips off to work where (wife #1 BM) horsefaced bitch devil cunt works with him. As I have stated it's like living in a polygamist community. He may as well have two wives. I think it is virtually impossible to seperate your work life from your home life, thus. I believe that it is also impossible to completely rid yourself of someone and move on from them, and the relationship when you see them everyday. Horseface is very involved with DH's personal life, despite the line of crap he attempts to feed me. Telling me they have very little interaction at work. I know that is a lie, due to the nature of their work. They must communicate several times a day. I know she periodically emails him at work about nonwork issues, like the skid. And she pops into his office to drop off things for the skid.

What prompted this heated exchange between dh and I last night was his work stress regarding horseface and her ability to make seemingly normal adults want to curl into a ball and die. She makes everyone miserable at dh's work. Why? Because she can. Nobody stands up to her, including dh. And due to it she keeps climbing the ladder of success with her nose promptly buried in the boss' ass.

So where am I going with this? I told dh that if he was unhappy at work perhaps he should look for another job. I have mentioned this repeatedly. He continues to complain, blah, blah, blah. And then it hit me. He doesn't want another job and neither does horseface. Why? Because then they couldn't see each other, meddle with each other's lives, torment each other. It's like a sick twisted emotional affair. I told dh, "That I would think after four and half years of being divorced that one of you would move on. You don't. Neither one of you. And it's because you both aren't ready to. You are both still emotionally attached to each other. If you were really done and over, one of you would leave. This way you both still get to try to control the other one." Dh looked like I threw a bucket of cold water in his face. He went speechless. Which is an accomplishment for my motormouth dh. And I did not raise my voice when saying this or get sh*tty. I just said it in a "matter of fact" tone. I then opened the door and walked away from dh. He stood there frozen for at least two minutes. I then had a meeting and had to leave the house. We didn't discuss it either when I got home but dh was sulky and distant. I can only assume because I nailed it.

So this is the situation. When I finish with something I close the door on it and don't look back. And if I was done with someone, they wouldn't be able to get a response from me emotionally. Simply because I wouldn't care anymore. If you don't care, they can't get a rise out of you. Not the case with dh and horseface. I would've found other employment by now. So as I suspected I now have verifiable proof where I stand, and where dh stands. As I stated last week, I have tough decisions to make in the coming weeks regarding my marriag.

Comments

princessmofo's picture

I'm not sure he cares, Lynn123. He gets to have his cake and eat it too this way. I'm stupid. He keeps saying crap like, "Well I was at the company first." Really?! Who cares?! Move on. Long story short: My parents fear so much that if something happens to me that dh will take back up with horseface, throw my kids out of their own home and live happily ever after with his bioson and bm in MY house, that I transferred ownership of my house to my parents. That way he can't take it from my children. I just don't trust him. I don't. And I sure don't trust horseface. He has lied to me about so many things in the past. He hid from me for the first year we dated that 10 months after his divorce he and bm reconciled and lived together for almost a year! Then broke it off again. And I asked him repeatedly about this. I didn't get conclusive proof until I hacked his email and FB accounts. Then I put two and two together. He finally had to come clean.

notagain2012's picture

I think you are absolutely spot on. He needs to love on, or you might consider moving on since they can't

Hanny's picture

He should have been looking for a job 4 years ago. I would not have gotten married or hooked up with a guy in these circumstances. It is called 'emotional enmeshment', that is what my counselor called it. My SO has moved on from it, but it was there for a while. BM would have had it going on forever. The skids are older now and when the youngest turned 18 he put a stop to it and hasn't actually had a conversation with her since October. A couple of e-mails about college expenses, etc, but that's it. She no longer calls him daily and gives him an update on how each skid is feeling at the moment and whether they had their daily BM. And that is how much she is up the skids ass. the skids are old enough now to talk to him about issues, he doesn't have to hear it through their mother. Your DH needs to immediately start looking for a new job and put an end to their emotional affair. You need to insist on it and see what he does. Might help you make some decisions regarding your future.

Lola383's picture

Wow, GOOD FOR YOU! Sounds like you hit the nail right on the head! The fact he didn't argue back says it all... I can't believe you put up with that for 4 years. I hate when my BF goes to SS11's boyscouts meetings with BM being there. Maybe this is all that needed to be done. Maybe he is feeling guilty now and will find a new job - if it means loosing you; he should want to run far away from that job. Good luck! I'll keep positive thoughts for you. And I firmyl believe, no matter how shitty times may feel, everything happens for reason. We meet everyone in our lives for a reason; good or bad..we always learn; grow stronger, and move on to happier moments! Smile

pixiedust10's picture

You are awesome!!!!! I admire you sticking to your guns and putting that out there! Way to go! Even if he didn't like it. The truth hurts. I sure do hope he wakes up now.

Willow2010's picture

I transferred ownership of my house to my parents. That way he can't take it from my children. I just don't trust him.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Wow!! I have trust issues, but this is over the top. Girl...this can't be a good way to live. Is DH really worth it to feel like this?

princessmofo's picture

No. He's not. And like I stated you can't move on when you see someone every damn day! Which is why even though they divorced, 10 months later they reconciled and moved back in together. Why? Because you fucking see each other every day!! There is no closure!! I am so depressed right now. I feel like nothing.

whatwasithinkin's picture

I remember having a very similair converastion with Dh about a year and a half after we met. My DH has a fabulous memory for dates, and details. Incrediable as a matter of fact. But by a year and a half in I was starting to hear "repeat" stories, when the defendent and I were together...blah blah blah. Not to mention at the time she was totally trying to run my household with her oldest daughter, and my push over husband.

This finally came to a heated arguement one of the worst DH and I have ever had and we have had a few...my ending statment was....How long do I have to sleep with the defendent in MY bed, in MY house, in MY relationship. I havent ever heard another when we were together blah blah blah.

And ironically DH just had a repeat performance of this very heated exchange except this time it was in reference to my SD17. This was part of my conversation about her being out of here June 2014 when she graduates. She is not only the spitting image of BM but she is just like her, exact copy. Which DH knows. So it was again, how long am I expected to tolerate living with your ex wife before I put an end to it since you wont.

Im sorry girl. I hope he "listens to your cry for help" and doesnt just "hear" what your saying.

DaizyDuke's picture

I guess my question as far as the job goes.. is how many years does he have in with the company? I mean I HATE my job for the most part, I really do, BUT I have 14 years in the state retirement system and while I'm vested (meaning that I can't lose it at this point) I am far enough in that I really don't want to change jobs when I am looking at being 1/2 way to retirement now. While I hate the nature of my job, there are things that I like... like I don't punch a time clock so my hours are pretty flexible if I have a Dr.s appt or running late or whatever, my supervisor is cool, I've been able to bring my BS3 to work with me a few times when in a bind with no problems, health insurance is good, etc etc. When we moved a year and a half ago, my DH was telling me to apply for a job in an area closer to our home, while that sounds great... save on gas, travel time, etc. I don't want to be low man on the totem pole in this economy... NO WAY. Again, I have 14 years in and feel some "safety" in my job now.

What I am wondering is, is there more to why your DH is staying at the job than just his ex uglyface wife works there?