SD Flight Update
So SD did actually make her flight! But BM is a petty b***h! So SDs flight was at 7 am BMs time aka 4 am our time. Since it's a short trip, we wanted to get the most time with her so we booked the new available option of a morning flight.
DH and I set an alarm for 3:00 am our time so we could make sure there were no issues and SD made her flight. BM last updated us at 3:20 am our time that SD was checked in and through security. DH responded immediately saying "please let me know when she boards." The flight started boarding at 3:25 am our time and we got the notifications from Alaska airlines this was the case. SD is always the first boarded. DH waited like 20 minutes and texted asking if SD was on the plane. Nothing. DH texted ten minutes later with a ?. Then DH tried calling her minutes before the 7 am take off, nothing. BM ghosted us until 4:15 am our time after the flight already took off to confirm SD was boarded on the plane and said "I was on the phone."
Ugh she infuriates me. She well knows it is 3-4 am our time and purposefully did not let DH know SD had boarded the plane for almost an hour, so we didn't go back to sleep because we were waiting. So instead of getting about 1.5 more hours of sleep before having to leave for the airport we got hardly any sleep.
Really happy SD made her flight but SD was put in shoes two sizes too big, falling off her feet. Had melted chocolate in her bag that she didn't know and it got on her pants, her shirt, her pillows, etc. apparently that was at the beginning of her flight so for hours she had chocolate all on her clothes. Luckily, BM did pack an extra outfit for her and we had her change in the bathroom at the airport, but then that was 2-3 sizes too big for her. Needless to say on the way home from the airport we went and bought her shoes that fit. Also, messaging BM that we got SD was not one of our first priorities since letting DH know SD was on the plane wasn't one of hers.
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Take pics. So you can remind SD of her idiot BM's crap
later when necessary to break SD out of the toxic mommy hero worship.
Kids need the history and facts. My SS-30 ended up spending hours researching the history associated with his 16+ years under a Custody/VIsitation/Support CO. Years of DW's journals, call logs, answering machine recordings (SpermGandHag screaming, yelling, and cursing at his mom), CO, Visitation orders, CS orders, SpermDad's arrest records, etc.... We introduced him to those records based on his questions following SpermClan visitations when what they were spouting did not pass his smell test. As he progressed through his teens, he did his own research.
His calling them on their crap in real time during visitation and continuing to call them on their crap as an adult has allowed him to minimize the negative impact they have on his life.
Yeah that is really
good that your SS knows the truth and didn't get it twisted up because of thoughts the spermclan tried putting in his head!
BM put SD in shoes/clothes
BM put SD in shoes/clothes that were too big so you would have to buy new ones. And probably expects SD to return with a whole new wardrobe so BM doesn't have to spend her own money.
Well SD said she has new shoes she
really likes but that BM would not let her bring them here. Which is annoying because BM has gotten EVERY single piece of clothing back to BM forever and always. The clothes SD arrived in seemed like they fit, but was also very distracted by the chocolate covering it all.
We did buy SD two new pairs of shoes and she has new clothes, but we will not be sending those items back from spring break visit. We WILL 100% send SD with the shoes and some clothes at the end of summer visit and send her in an outfit of ours on the plane. I understand BM sending clothes a little big as the extra outfit because you think the child may not need it, but it was like 2-3 times too big!
I admit I would rather donate
I admit I would rather donate the clothing to charity than to fund BM. Nothing will convince me it was anything but intentional and a ploy to force your DH to fork out more $.
Well at spring break we won't send anything back
except we will send SD in an outfit here that fits, but probably won't fit in summer. Otherwise she won't be getting anything from us. But after summer when the next visit is not until Christmas, if she is about to outgrow anything or it won't fit by the next visit (season appropriate) then we will send some stuff especially shoes with SD on the plane.
BUT call us petty, last summer we got SD these super CUTE Michael Kors sandals and we did not send them to BM's. I rather donate them to children in need here then send anything that nice to BMs and basically reward her for trying to get DH to send stuff. We just bought SD two pairs of Nikes when we picked her up. At the end of summer we will probably send one of them, but I don't know about both because like you are saying don't want to be used as a ploy!
Is sd sharing clothing with her older sibling (that is bought in older sibling's size)?
It's one thing to be wearing a shirt too big (as long as it's workable and has proper coverage)...but pants too big? And definitely shoes too big is not cool. Not only would that be a safety issue (particularly when traveling) but not cool for growing kid's feet. Any pediatric podiatrist would ream a parent out for that crap (maybe a good "regular" ped too).
Idk how serious your husband is about trying to get custody....but document all this crap if he is.
Which is totally normal
I mean I was the oldest so I did not share clothing or get handy me downs, but my sister got handy me downs from me, for sure! So the clothes she arrived in at least seemed to fit, it was the extra clothes packed that were too big. I get it in a way that you think it won't be needed, but if it is needed then that is a problem!
The shoes were definitely too big and SD said so herself. Said she had new shoes, but BM wouldn't let her bring them. We have never not once when here or in VA not gave BM back the clothes/shoes SD comes in.
SD wears clothes either too
SD wears clothes either too big or too small from BMs. I don't comment, but one time SD wore an old seniors jumper that was her cousins from her school and it was swimming on her and had a rip in the sleeve.. and DH even said 'take off that ridiculous jumper and neve wear it here again'. Haha we haven't seen it since.
I usually just wash BMs rags and SD wears them back or if she doesn't want to, we let her wear our clothes back and we pack BMs dirty rags in a bag back to her. Lol I don't even wash her rags when SD doesn't wear them back. I just don't want to have her rags in my home.
There's a second hand shop that BM buys the skids clothes from and I've actually started going there too to buy the skids clothes too like she does as it was getting costly us sending SD back in our stuff and we never saw them again. It's amazing what I found in there. I got SD some really nice clothes actually and some with tags still attached. I did find you have to sift through some dirt to find the gold sort of thing though. It was like nope, nope, nope, OoOooh yes, nope, nope, nope, yes sort of thing. Whereas BM grabs the first top she sees to buy. Some are just either too small or big for SD. I also make sure I arrive at that store first thing in the morning as BM lies hungover in her bed until midday so I know I won't bump into her there haha.
I think in your case SD will remember the good things you do for her if you keep being the bigger person and remember it's not SD fault her mother is a POS. You are doing a great job keeping your sanity. It took me a few years to not be petty back to HCBM, but DH helped me a lot to remember two wrongs don't make a right. We used to take photos for documentation when SD was 5 and I still have them on a file all these years later.
I hope you had a good time with SD :)
We sure hope so!
It is just like this is something that directly effects SD, it isn't something you are hurting DH with, it is SD. At the end of a visit when we won't see SD for a long stretch where clothes and shoes probably won't fit, we send them back to BM's with SD so she can wear them because it is for SD.
The SpermClan would take SS's quality clothing and shoes
and send him home in flea market crap clothing.
Then not long after that visitation, his quality clothing would surface in SpermClan family photos.
So, we started billing them for anything not returned. We would have our attorney send them a nasty gram on his firm letter head demanding the return of SS's belongings, threatening filing criminal charges, and suing them for the value of SS's thing.
The SpermClan would claim that their CS paid for those things and they could keep them if they wanted them.
We would send them copies of the receipts for shoes, clothing, etc... The $110/mo tthen $130/mo hey paid in CS would not cover more than the cost of one or two clothing peices or a pair of shoes that they stole. They paid that amount in CS for 9 years.
It would ebb and flow in waves. It was significant when SS was a little boy, faded for a few years, then started again. When SS got into his teens, the Spermidiot would show up in family pics in SS's adult sized clothing. They never took family pics during SS's SpermLand visitations. I am convinced that is so they could steal his shit and use it for the three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas. and be able to shrug off being called out on it.
We made sure their noses where continually rubbed in the stench of their idiocy.