BM is trying to do the cheapest way and easiest route to

remove DH's name off the birth certificate now. Today she is claiming she was advised to wait and file for the change in her resident state and in the county the birth certificate is from. Apparently BM didn't follow through on getting everything she was supposed to over 3 years ago so now she needs a judge's signature on more paperwork.

According to BM "it isn't my fault that this paperwork was not correctly completed. Over 2 years ago I ordered specific documents so they were court official. I wasn't told that I needed a specific statement so was led in circles."

DH asked her what this specific paperwork was and want to know what she was waiting on? The "divorce degree" ... well first off it is not a degree and she said this many times so she clearly means degree and not decree and second of all, why you wouldn't of gone after getting this years ago when everything was finalized just shows how lazy you are.

DH informed BM he will give it a bit more time to try this route, but he will file in VA if the progress on this continues at the same rate it has been. BM said she DH did not need to threaten her and he told her he was not threatening her just informing her of his next steps on the issue.

Basically BM really does not want DH to file in VA because that would cost her money and "it is a ridiculous out of my way route." So according to BM she is filing in this county to have a judge sign a document so she could change the birth certificate, "more or less just getting a signature."

DH said as he might have to appear for this it doesn't matter to him which state it is in, he just doesn't want anymore delays. BM first then says he won't have to appear then says "if you are I will be sure to let you know. I don't need an attorney its just me going in front of the judge."

The best line from her since the "mystery bio father" was she said "there isn't time to be driving opposite directions. This took several hours of my day and this planned 2 weeks ahead." .........Guess what BM? WE DON'T CARE

DH and I have no faith in BM actually getting this done, clearly she has no idea what she is doing. Is constantly not bringing "enough paperwork" and is being "directed in circles." BM is trying to spend the least amount of money and doesn't care how long it takes if she doesn't have to spend money doing it. I don't know what timeline DH and I think about giving it, but DH said "if you are doing the steps you are saying you are doing then there should be no issues sending information that you will receive back from the court."

What do you think the timeline for her to complete this should be before we hire and attorney and file in VA?

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Give her until January 1st.

Give her until January 1st. He inquires with whoever he needs to in VA to see if she has made the change. If he is still on the BC, he hires the attorney and files for contempt.

But he also needs to stop talking to her about it. He doesnt need to tell her every step he is going to take nor does he need to hear from her the steps she is taking. He informed her to do it, she says she is doing it, and two months should be more than enough time to get some sort of progress. The only way she'll likely ACTUALLY do anything is if a judge forces her to and holds her in contempt.

Yeah I agree, I know DH really doesn't want to spend the money

on this since he shouldn't have to, so I think this is his final attempt to avoid that, but if it doesn't happen then we are just going to. He doubts he would be reimbursed for court or attorney fees even if he was awarded it by the judge.

We are waiting on the CD from the court to see what is all in there on the topic outside of what we have in our possession so we are all set for if the new year comes and nothing is done then we have what we need

Ultimately this is going to

Ultimately this is going to likely going to be a clusterf*ck because the decision was made in a state different from where the kiddo was born. BUT - that's a BM issue. Yeah, it's GOING to be time-intensive AND expensive for her because she is the one who lied in the first place AND THEN shot herself in the foot by demanding DH be taken off the BC (not that she should have kept lying, obviously, but that was a boneheaded HCBM move).

I know your DH doesn't want to and shouldn't have to pay for this, but he also shouldn't be nice and patient with her about it either. What she wants to do is irrelevant. What matters is what needs to be done. Being nice to her to avoid paying is just going to make it more expensive in the future.

I agree, for the first year or two after it happened

it wasn't about the money it was more an emotional thing. He didn't ever want to be the person filing to remove himself because it was basically like saying he didn't want the child anymore, etc. so emotionally he didn't want to deal with it or be the driving force on accomplishing removing him. Now, he is in a much better state emotionally about it and is more concerned if her and her DH would die in an accident or even just BM that both kids would be sent to him and after all this time would be good for neither the child nor DH or any other possible issues that could come from him still being listed.

It is funny because before the more "mean" approach did not work, so DH let it go for a while actually over a year and now this time he was more nice about it. We have come to learn it doesn't matter if you are nice to BM or mean to BM, it doesn't change BM's actions or make her do the things she should be doing, but isn't.

A reasonable person would think if someone went through all the steps of getting the testing done and removing rights, etc. then they would follow through in a decent timeline on getting the birth certificate corrected, but BM is not a reasonable person and removing him from the bc doesn't emotionally hurt DH anymore so she is in no rush to change anything.

He needs to stop engaging on

He needs to stop engaging on this issue and just file the contempt charges. No more back and forth, no more hey heads up I’m filing contempt. Just do it and stop giving her a platform to show off her stupidity. People like this muddy the waters and keep muddying them until either you give up or do the work for them. Like Rags said keep smacking her with contempt and court fees, she might finally get off her a$$ and figure this out.

Yeah, we have been wanting to avoid it, but is

looking like that is not an option anymore. I will cross my fingers that there is progress being made, but will not hold my breath.

If BM was going for easiest,

If BM was going for easiest, she missed the mark. I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on tv, but I would think that BM's actions just complicated things. She should have taken care of the name when she was still in the state of birth. She had a judge order from that state in hand.

I agree with lieutenant-dad. No more talking about this. January 1, if nothing is done, use an attorney and hold her in contempt.

Well the child was born in the state she just moved back to

the divorce and custody, etc. was done in a different state that they were living in at the time.

I think that is good advice about how to move forward. We got all we needed to know from BM and there is nothing more to gain

I would think you would HAVE

I would think you would HAVE to file to have him removed from the birth cert in the state that issued that certificate period..

I don't think having a divorce decree would even be necessary.. because that has ZERO to do with the fact that he is in fact NOT the child's biological father. (other than the judge's order that she remove him... due to the paternity test).

3 attorneys from the state BM is now in

all said that because the order, etc. was in VA that it would have to be filed there.

I agree, I think it is BM just talking in circles to be honest to make it seem like she is trying and talking to professionals, but really isn't doing anything.

The only dept that can amend

The only dept that can amend a birth certificate is the state that issued it.

If the kid was born in pennsylvania.. THAT vital records dept will need to amend it... VA won't have that authority.

Now.. they may use the court order from the other state.. but logically.. a birth cert is from a certain state.. and only that state's vital records office can amend it.

If you have a judges order that it should be changed.. I might send that to the issueing state's vital records dept (maybe call them directly).. and provide BM's current information so that they can send her a new copy.. I'm not sure he should have to be hostage to her poor planning and execution.

Yes the issue is that BM is saying she doesn't

have the written order signed by the judge to do this, she only has it notarized in documents from the divorce/custody battle so right now we are waiting for the CD from the court so we can sort through to see if there is a judge's signed order on it and if so then we can file contempt in VA since she was ordered to do so in VA. If not then with an attorney take the next steps since it was ordered originally through VA.

So BM won't do anything through VA because it doesn't help her any, but for us to get it done we would have to file in VA contempt for her not filing the order. The state she lives in needs to amend the birth certificate, but since BM doesn't have the judge's signed order in her possession she is trying to see a judge in that state to sign off on it. If that makes sense?

I agree he shouldn't have to be at all either, but we need to wait and see what is on the CD to see how we can make it happen ourselves. It almost sounds like to me that BM was supposed to go back to the judge in VA to receive the signed order by the judge to be able to do it, but never followed up or took the next steps she was supposed to. DH's attorneys had told him that at the time he couldn't do anything since it would have to be BM filing to have it changed.

90 days. She probably won't

90 days. She probably won't be able to get in front of a judge for 2 months, especially with the holiday's coming up.

Feb 1st file away! I wouldn't wait much longer than that. You might want to send her an email to see if she has a court date right before you file, but if she doesn't just do it.

That is probably a good idea

definitely can see all of that pushing it back a bit.

Hopefully either all this put a fire under her ass or we will just get it done ourselves

As everyone else has said,

As everyone else has said, just take care of it yourselves.

When I met DH he wasn't divorced, BM said she was taking care of it. In the end, after being asked by DH I took care of everything. I went online and talked to the lawyer help lines and filed everything. DH signed where I told him to and I sent everything to BM. It was all in my hand writing and according to the skids that pissed BM off more than the actual divorce.

Women like these BMs only have the power that our DHs give them, take it away from them and they are powerless to medle in your life.