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BM has been flying off the handle

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Last night I had posted a blog which I had taken down because the real reason for the blog was not the topic specifically, but more about BM's flying off the handle and being unable to have a basic conversation. Since the beginning of this year, DH really tries his best to just remain factual, short and concise. Since SD is in therapy and we are unsure if SD is telling both households things that she believes will make the other parent happy, DH has been directing most concerns and not petty ones to the therapist. Or instead of asking BM, goes right to the source like SD's teacher. 

Since spring break? BM cannot seem to be civil whatsoever. For example, BM had a request yesterday and started off with accusatory language, DH responded with a completely factual response, BM continues with accusatory language and starts finger pointing, DH responds with a question, and BM goes off the deep end sending 4 paragraph messages. DH responds with factual information again and BM responds with 3 more paragraphs of finger pointing and accusations. DH then asked to call SD this weekend and he did respond with one message that addressed some of her finger pointing because she was making all sorts of crazy accusations which he shouldn't of, but he is always concerned if he doesn't say anything at all in response then it is him saying what BM said was true. This morning BM responds with 5 messages and a phone call, none of which DH has even looked at yet. 

I don't know if BM is angry we bought a house? But it feels like ever since we did, she cannot have a civil conversation about anything and is nasty from the start. 

***EDIT: BM said in her accusations that he might not believe her, but these issues have arised in therapy and maybe he would believe a licensed professional. So DH and I emailed the therapist this morning asking if there were updates about SD's therapy that he was not informed about and if she could share the information with him that SD's mother said she had. The therapist responded back saying "I am unsure what you are referring to" and goes on to say that since SD's therapist is still on maternity leave she has only been getting to know SD and working on coping skills and working through frustration. If anything changed or any concerns happened, she would inform him.... Well surprise, surprise BM is a total liar. DH then responded to her apologizing if his email seemed accusatory and how it arised, plus saying how he does not like to bring co-parenting drama into it and distract from helping SD.


justmakingthebest's picture

Interesting. I thought her and her husband bought a house when they moved? What would it matter if you bought a house. That seems so trivial. 

I have a feeling it is more to do with the fact that SD had a really good visit over spring break and then a wonderful summer. She is thriving and happy with you. She is acting out with BM. That has to be hard on BM but there are reasons why her behavior is what it is. SD is probably asking about you and I would be willing to bet that more than once SD has told BM "I want to go to my daddy's house!"

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

but after looking at property records it isn't even in either of their names it is in BM's parents' names. I just can't think of why it is so nasty from the jump unless it is like you are saying. DH brought up to her yesterday about her considering him getting fall break on years he doesn't get Christmas and she said why would she that SD returns a total basket case every time from our house. Which then I racked my brain about what she would be a total basket case about. She didn't get in trouble beyond a firm telling not to do something, no time out, no electronic time taken away, literally no trouble at all. She went to camp, soccer clinic, the beach, spent tons of quality time, water park, the list goes on and on. 

BM's latest kick of 24 hours is that DH is not considerate of SD because he is putting her through a long distance relationship and should be an hour or two drive away ... meanwhile in the PSA it says how BM was moving too, states away, so no matter if DH stayed where everyone was or not, it was going to be long distance... It would of been 13 hours to BM's house in a car... 

I don't know if she made friends with someone else who's dad lives an hour or two away and that is what is driving this, but now 3 years later you are bringing it up and blaming it all on DH? Or she is worried because SD is doing poorly in school right now or what it is, but she is just waiting to pick fights anymore.

Harry's picture

That the grass isn't greener without your SO.  That things didn't turn out the way she wanted.  Princes charming....has dirty underwear...  O My.      
she is jealous that your SO found you and living the good life. Buying a house going away. Finding love.