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wtf DH!!!!

msg1986's picture

ughhhh... Bm just called Dh asking if we could "babysit" ss tonight. Dh asked her why and if it's an emergency and she says it's not a emergency but that she needs a babysitter because she's going to a fallout boy concert tonight... yes, this is the same chick calling asking for help with school supplies because she's struggling financially. I guess fallout boy tickets take precedence over supplies for your kid? wtf.

What bothers me is dh told her no to call him for non emergencies but that if she wanted she could call his sister and ask her to babysit--- wtf!! why why why would he tell her no but then give her ideas of who she can throw her responsibilities on??... this situation makes me sick already. I had to then explain to Dh how he's enabling her behavior. that's like telling a crack head, no I don't have crack for you, but I know where you can get some! I'm sick of having to explain to him why he shouldn't have done that. He said he only told her that because it would force Bm to bring Ss to our side of town and thus he would avoid having to drive out to pick up his son. I then let him know that that could/would all be avoided if you took care of his responsibilites and got her into court and set up a meeting point location. whatever. It's like dealing with children.


msg1986's picture

I love your approach Stacey!! This comment actually made me feel better immediately. You are right though, it is a step in the right direction.

thinkthrice's picture

Yeah it took YEARS before Chef got up the courage to say "I'll ask Thinkthrice" to the Massive BM!

He said "I'll ask Thinkthrice" ONCE in the 11 looooooooonnnnnnnggggggg years I've lived with Chef. He said it with extreme fear and trepidation. Soon after the BM rained down the fury of GOD upon us for having DARED consult with me first Iit's my house and my paycheck) instead of the instant "YESSSS!" reply that was standard. After that, she started calling Chef when I was at work so he'd give his insta-response as per usual without consulting me first.

Fallout boy?

msg1986's picture

Ooh that would be amazing if Dh would consult me BUT he doesn't. Whatever.

Bm has no business at a Fall Out Boy concert... so weird.

thinkthrice's picture

Believe me, it was only that ONE TIME and that was because I had pitched MANY fits, back when I had a teeny tiny amount of influence on him.

Just before YSS PASed out for good, the BM refused all mail from us regarding the schedule (it was ad hoc, willy nilly for the longest time, then visitation withholding, then dumping on us)

She sent us a certified letter saying that ALL matters, no matter HOW small should be addressed DIRECTLY to her attorney; basically a "no contact with the BM" was what she was trying to instill.

It worked. The last one PASed out, the BM went into her full court press routine of "daddy abandoned you" and tried to send highly scripted "tug-at-Chef's-heart-strings" notes "from the children" (TM) so that her on-the-fly, free non-parental status child care services could be re-initiated. . .aka visitation or "entitlement sessions." I guess the spawn missed their games of "which parent can buy me the most?"

Other than a failed, out-of-jealousy-and-spite (toward me and my successful grown bios) reunification attempt via counselor back in early Spring of 2012, Chef hasn't heard hide nor hair of YSS for almost five years next month. Even longer for the older two.

He has found out that they earn D- averages in school, smoke pot and are generally useless (I showed him the FB posts and photos) OSS just barely graduated HS and is floating around working a few hours at a local diner and sometimes pizza joint (pun intended) with no plans until he turns 20. At which time the BM will immediately enroll him in community college to collect extended CS.

msg1986's picture

LOL! That's ridiculous. Because your Dh just knew it was her, right??

They do shoot themselves in the foot.

msg1986's picture

these Bm's are looney-why wouldn't our husbands discuss anything with us? My dh is getting there but still. it's ridiculous. Bm has gone as far as saying things in text messages like "tell your wife to stop texting me" or "your wife doesn't let you talk to me" lol. she's cray!!

msg1986's picture


msg1986's picture

Oh Don't get me wrong, they are fun radio music, however I feel that avoiding buying your 1st grader school supplies to attend their concert is a very strange thing.

BTW, I your smoking monkey lol. It makes me smile everytime I see it.

twoviewpoints's picture

IDK, I can kind of 'get' this one from DH. He said 'no' (yes, that I progress) but he also steered her in a babysitter direction where he knows and approves of the sitter. Being so late trying to find a sitter for this evening, hard telling what sitter BM might have finally found. BM might have even got desperate and left the child home alone (obviously concerts have higher priority than children and school supplies).

Besides, your SIL is a big girl now, she can say 'no' too if she doesn't want to. SIL might actually enjoy the time with kiddo.

msg1986's picture

I see what you're saying and I agree, who knows who she'd leave Ss with, however this wasn't Dh's thinking, he was just being lazy. I wouldn't have even cared if he said "yes, bring him to us." and we would have figured it out. What bothers me is that he is encouraging her to call him family to ask for favors and also that he doesn't consult me. Yes yes, I know, he is not my child however decisions regarding this kind of stuff affects me. I'm sick of having to explain these things to dh.

StepLady's picture

If the kid did not come to your home to be babysat and you do not live with SIL why would you have a care if she watched the child? If she does not live in your house what effect would it have on you? I just do not understand this I guess.

msg1986's picture

The frustration is that Dh gets upset that Bm pushes her responsibilites off on other people yet he encouraged her to contact his sister to ask for a favor last minute (it was Bm's time so she should have made arrangements a long time ago-she flips out if Dh even mentions he cannot take Ss on a weekend because she won't have a 'babysitter'-her words) because he wanted SIL to arrange a pick up with Bm so that he wouldn't have to go almost an hour away to pick up his son today because he is lazy. I never said I was upset that Bm asked for him to watch the kid nor did I say I was upset that SIL would have babysat. In all honesty I wouldn't have even minded if we got Ss early because we would have made arrangements. My frustration is my husband is lazy. I'm happy he put his foot down for the first time and said no but he still went out of his way to mention to her to ask SIL to go pick up Ss so he could avoid picking up his own child.

msg1986's picture

Very true, if this was a year ago dh would have called off work to leave early to pick up Ss so I'm happy he said no, I just get irritated that he gets so lazy. We talked last night though and he gets it. I told him Ss is HIS responsibility and he shouldn't be asking anyone to pick up his kid. He said he just get mad driving so far but I then reminded him that's of his own doing because he's been too lazy to go back to court and if he hates drivnig so far he needs to take his butt into court and file a motion so that she will have to meet him for exchanges.

Accordn2L's picture

What hit me wrong was asking the father to "babysit" his children. It's not babysitting if they are your damn kids! My ex-H used to use that term if he was alone with our daughter.

And secondly, if she can afford Fall Out boy tickets then I wouldn't help her with a red cent on school supplies and I would tell her that was exactly why.

msg1986's picture

Oh yeah, that drives me crazy too! I feel like Bm only sees Dh as a glorified babysitter not the father of Ss. The only she acknowledges that is when she wants something AND THEN it's "oh, you're his father!!" but the rest of the time he's just the babysitter.

We haven't heard anything about the supplies again so he said he's def bringing that up. Bm was just at something called Mayhem festival that time she called Dh asking him to "babysit" again because she paid 200 for her tickets and she wasn't going to lose them. and just a few months ago she spent a week in las vegas. The way I see it, she KNEW school was coming, she should have prepaired.