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Question about Halloween

msg1986's picture

I have a question about how you guys go about Halloween and really any other holidays. Do you still do all the holiday-ish stuff with them if it's not your year to have them? For example, this year is Bms year for Halloween and I wanted to take my 2bios to the pumpkin patch, they are not in school yet and I'm not working so I wanted to take them during the week because there will be less people but I feel guilty like I'm leaving ss out buuuut at the same time I feel like this is Bms year so she will (or should at least) be doing these things with him. Another example is ss demanded that we wait to carve pumpkins with him even though his mom told him she was carving pumpkins with her. On one hand I feel bad like I'm being the "evil stepmom" but on the other hand I feel like, if it's her year why should my bios be forced to wait until ss is present for us to do things with them... What are your thoughts?


Hennypenny's picture

I think unless there is a reason not to wait to do activities until SS is there then you should wait to include him. He wants to be part of your family activities, which I see as a good thing. It makes sense to take the younger kids to the pumpkin patch at a time when it is less busy, and sadly that means he wont be able to go. But it might not be any big deal just to wait to carve pumpkins until he is there. I wouldn't worry about what he is/should be doing with BM- he clearly wants to do special holiday things with you too, so I would certainly let him.

Maxwell09's picture

It depends on if BM will do those things that I can't include SS in. Every year we go to the pumpkin patch. BM took SS the weekend me and DH were supposed to take BS1. DH ended up having to work so we didn't go. I was just going to take BS during the week instead. SS is in school, BM already took him, and his school field trip is to a pumpkin patch that we're all going on so he really isn't missing out. I think for the stuff you can do with him, like carving pumpkins at home, you should do with him. If it's manageable then make it happen.

stepinhell617's picture

Family life does not stop when the stepchild is not around. That is a fantastic way to create resentment from the full time kids while they are growing up and they remember it as adults. The family is 100% of the time with a part time kid in residence- do you try to include the part time kid? Of course but there are not there 100%. They will be present for and miss things in both houses because they are with the other parent. We go leaf peeping every year, it is a beloved family tradition- between peak leaf and weather last weekend was the only time to go. SS was with BM, it is what it is and he was doing other things. Did we miss him? Sure. We didn't wait till this weekend due to leaves dropping and the long term forecast. It has been windy and raining for days and most of the leaves dropped. If we waited then no one would have gone and the ENTIRE family would have missed out.
Life does not stop and if waiting for SS means no one gets to go to the pumpkin patch (or it is way more difficult to go)then that is not ok.

stepinhell617's picture

You get to do the things you want to do with your bios. If you can wait to carve pumpkins then great, if the schedule doesn't work for that then oh well. We have that all the time because SS is 50/50. He is here for some family things and not others and he is no more or no less important than his siblings who are here all the time.

Bruniesmom's picture

Since I was told many times I wasn't my SS18's mom, I didn't wait to do things I wanted to do with my girls. DH would be included, but if he felt bad and didn't want to participate, well, I told him he's not helping make positive memories with the girls. If he tried to make me feel bad, I just calmly said, well, I am not SS18's mother, as often reminded. I told him he could do the same when he was back, but he said, no, I really don't want to.

With those famous words....I can't care more more than ss18's parents.

doodleboo's picture

Why is it fair for Steps to get double everything? I have never understood that. If it's moms year then it's MOM'S year. As long as the kid gets the experience what difference does it make? Do your kids this year.