You are here

Where are the standards

leslie814's picture

So as I reflect after a looong weekend with skids I feel that maybe I criticized too much had issues with too much maybe I did just wear my "evil stepmom" badge this weekend but seriously where are the standards for how kids are to behave!

I can not handle chomping food so loud I can hear it in the other room, this had to be told to each skid atleast twice each meal. Then they chewed gum inbetween. I had to tell them atleast twice each car ride to get their dirty shoes off of my car seats. The furniture a few times at home. Pouring huge glasses of milk that they wasted and getting mad at me for telling them not to I buy it not you. Teaching them the same things over and over again. Is there really no standard set forth at home why must we reteach them everything every weekend.

And why oh why do these things not bother my dh. Is it because he knows I won't stand for it so he's not the "bad guy" or does he generally not care maybe I am just being nitpicky but if I have to live with these kids I am never going to feel bad about asking respect for my things. Let them think I am evil step mommy then maybe they will leave my shit alone!

Comments

askYOURdad's picture

How old are the skids? I'm going to assume that they are fairly young/school. If that is the case, then, it is very normal to have to give a lot of reminders. My bios need reminders all of the time and they live in my home and by my standards every day. So, of course the skids need reminders, especially on transition days, since they have two sets of rules (actually more like one set of rules and one free-for-all)

Now, just because it's normal doesn't mean it's excusable or should be tolerated. Remind them and correct them every time. Make it more of a pain in the ass to ignore the rules than to just follow them.

As far as your SO, I don't know, mine seems to be able to tune out anything at anytime but he will address something if I ask him to. Try talking to your DH about setting standards and proper consequences. You can remind until you are blue in the face but the behaviors won't change without a consequence. I prefer writing. Anytime the kids disrespect your things just make them write "I will treat other people's things with respect" however many times appropriate. This usually only takes having to do it three times before they decide that respecting other people's things is easier than not respecting them. Unfortunately, your SO has to be on board otherwise you are just evil.

leslie814's picture

Yes they are 5 and 7 so young school age. I don't have kids (cant you tell lol)I want to be that fun aunt type person they can talk to and hang out with but it seems I do more correcting most weekends. Yes DH does tune out but they do know that if I'm upset and tell dad they are in for it. The little things that bother me though just don't seem to phase him.

I like the idea of writing lines alot. I think I may be able to get him onboard with that.

Tuff Noogies's picture

lol! i used to flick DH in the shoulder (very hard, i've got a strong 'flick'!!), then give him the bug-eyed look like "weeelll????"
i honestly think they have a genetic ability to just tune things out unless it directly affects them. so i directly affected him Wink

anotherstep's picture

If they are not corrected now, they never will get it. My skids are 19, 17 and 15. They are still doing the same things. Why wouldn't they if no one ever made them stop?