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Right of First Refusal - Question

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

Who else has this idiotic clause in their CO? DH and I fought for years to keep this out of the CO and the judge agreed, until this last September. What? SD is now 9, will be 10 this summer and now we have to deal with this lunacy?

Anyway, even though we went to court in September, neither BM's attorney or our attorney can agree to exactly what the Judge ruled on so the CO hasn't even been filed. Ludicrous. I haven't pushed the issue because honestly, I don't care. The child is not mine, she doesn't want anything to do with me, she lies constantly about me and my kids and she manipulates DH without even breaking a sweat.

So when DH picked up SD9 for Spring Break this last Friday, BM asked what days she will need to "babysit" SD9. Wtf? Babysit? She's your freaking kid. DH basically was dumbfounded because he was unaware we needed her to babysit and told her he was taking a few days off and the days he was working, SD9 would be with me (I work from home - how lucky for me - implied sarcasm.) Anyway, this has never been an issue before, but since the right of first refusal clause was mentioned, apparently BM thinks that if SD9 isn't with DH, then she has to be with BM. No, sorry you hateful rotten excuse for a human being, that's not how it works. The proposed order that BM's attorney wrote up says that if "DH or his wife procure child care or a babysitter for the parties' minor child, BM shall be the first person to be contacted for child care/babysitting purposes." Really?

So my question to all of you that may have been dealing with this issue is: What is considered childcare/babysitting? Can SD9 not spend some time with her grandma or aunt while we work? Or does that constitute babysitting?


simifan's picture

ROFR is typically for a work related time away from child and only that time. For example, while Dad is at work from 9-5 & ONLY that time. I would also make her do transport. Unless Dad is away overnights often for business, BM is interfering. Do not make this easy, this is specifically about control.

Stepshit's picture

I would say that "getting paid" for watching SD9 would constitute babysitting. If Grandma has SD9, that would be spending time together, not babysitting. If SD9 is over at a friend's house to play while you guys are out shopping, that would be a 'playmate', not a babysitter.

Jsmom's picture

Actually that is how it works. For us when we had 50\50 we had to notify the other parent of it was longer than 2 hours.

Stepshit's picture

What if Grandma wants to take the child shopping for the day, and DH and SM decide to go out while the child is gone? How does that work?

Jsmom's picture

As long as BM or DH were given the option first it was fine... if they pass anyone else can step up.

askYOURdad's picture

Yeah we have this but you know what's funny? Apparently it only works for BM but not DH. There are a lot of things in our CO that are like that... weird.

QueenBeau's picture

If I were you, I'd let BM take her. I mean she doesn't seem like a pleasure to be around anyway. LOL

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

I really wish there was a "like" button on here like on Facebook. I'd have clicked it several times on your responses. Since posting this, I've decided that DH is going to have to take the bull by the horns on this one and decide if he is going to allow BM to control our entire summer. If he does, then he and SD9 may be staying at grandma's together. I've had it.