You know that feeling you get in your gut when you should be sad.... but you're not......
As I've stated in the last two blogs, SD10 is pulling away. We are now going on EOW number 5 that she has either not come to visit at all or only come for a few hours. Of course, I do not think it is a coincidence that this behavior began immediately after DH told her that we were expecting a baby. The comments that BM has made to her are:
Since they couldn't take you away from me, they are going to finally have their own.
Since you love me more than them, they are replacing you.
You don't have to go over there any more because they have their hands full.
They are going to have their new family and they won't want you anymore so you might as well just stay with me.
Although none of these statements surprises me, I am surprised that the fall-out happened so quickly. I honestly expected SD10 to pull away - but I didn't think it would happen until after the baby was born.
Now to the feeling in my gut.... I should be sad about this, right? Well I'm not. However, I am disappointed - for DH. And I'm angry at BM and SD10 - not because she is pulling away and BM is feeding her with the fuel to do so - but because SD10 calls about 4 hours before every scheduled visit and tells DH some lie as to why she can't come. Normally, it's "I'm sick." One weekend, SD10 told DH she had a birthday party to go to at noon on Saturday and she didn't want him to have to get out of bed and take her. At noon? Really? This last weekend, she called and told DH she was sick and within the same conversation, DH overheard BM in the background telling SD10 to make sure we weren't going to the football game. Really? So, now we not only know SD10 isn't sick, we know that BM is ok with her telling lies to her father.
Mother of the year right there. Award-winning!!!!
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You are absolutely right!!!
You are absolutely right!!! We did fight for SD - for 8 years - and realized our efforts were futile. Makes me sad - mainly for DH - but for SD as well. She has no idea the love she is missing out on by not being a part of our family.
And DH is done. He knew this day was coming - was hoping it would be later - but knew it would happen. Which is why he hasn't called her out on her lies or begged her to come visit. He truly believes he's done everything he can do to teach her right from wrong, but BM's manipulation will always win in the end.
And believe it or not, our attorney has always tried to prepare us for this day. He has told us from day 1 the path that he saw ahead of us. He said there would come a day when SD would choose not to be a part of our lives and he suggested that at that point, we not waste our money, continue to pay the child support as ordered and wait for her to become an adult.
I would enforce visitation,
I would enforce visitation, especially at 10. You're sick? That's fine. Dad will take great care if you. We would love to take you to a birthday party! She needs to see that her dad wants her around and part of your family, no matter what bm is feeding her.
I agree with this. SD16 BM
I agree with this. SD16 BM fed her full of lies and did this crap when she was that age. DH just stood his ground, went and got her on his weekends, showed her he loved her and as she got older she started seeing for herself the lies her mother was telling her and sees her mother for what she really is.
I agree with the other posts,
I agree with the other posts, 10 is too young to let her decide. I would fight for her, let her know that you love her and want her around. I know it sucks, believe me I know. But if he don't fight for her now she will resent him forever. She needs to know from him that he loves her even if he is having another child.
Yup... my opinion is same as
Yup... my opinion is same as the others... at that age enforce the CO. One of the skids tried to start doing that stuff and DH said 'tough shit' I will be there to pick you up at the usual time.
Your DH has to be either all
Your DH has to be either all in or all out. And know that if he "fights to the death" for SD, he may not win out in the end after all.
I would have loved for Chef to have enforced the CO to the letter, but instead he gladly ate up any crumbs (and plate loads of disrespect) offered to him by the BM and the skids. The PAS was tremendous and was getting reinforced by the entire BM clan and anyone who the BM could preach to.
He was a guilty daddy and for them, holding the BM (and skids) feet to the fire just was not in the cards.
I'd say if your DH has a spine (you can't make them grow one) then have him enforce the CO to the LETTER. If not, he must accept the consequences of his guilty parenting aka being alienated from his kids by the BM.
THIS Dad is taking the easy
THIS
Dad is taking the easy way out. By doing that he's showing his daughter that mom was right. 10 years olds do not get to decide if and when they will spend time with each parent. Dad is the adult. He calls the shots and the kid falls in line.