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What a day - new rant - definitely step related

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

So after the issue with the brother-in-law, DH called and said that BM called and asked if he wanted to take SD9 to lunch because BM had some meetings she needed to attend and she was trying to follow the new "right of first refusal" rules. Then she proceeded to tell DH that SD9 was sick. So she's sick and you want him to take her to lunch? What?

Anyway, DH asks her why she doesn't get her parents to come over and watch her so she can rest. BM replied with, "well when I need a babysitter, I have to call you first." First of all, what is the definition of a babyistter? Good grief. But my point is, I have been telling DH that he needs to have a conversation with BM about this very topic before summer visitation begins. We recently got stuck with a "right of first refusal" clause and if BM won't allow it, SD9 will never get to spend alone time with any of our family. So I told DH that he needs to talk to her and see if she would be ok with grandma or aunt taking SD9 for a day here and there and not have to call BM to see if she wants her instead? So, lo and behold, BM opens the door wide open for that conversation and DH slams the door shut. No conversation was had. Oh, let me take that back. No conversation was had about "right of first refusal." DH proceeded to tell BM that if SD9 still wasn't feeling good by this evening, she could just stay with BM and not come for her weekend visit. What? Let me explain to you guys that the first two years following his divorce, BM refused to let SD9 come to our house on visitation weekends because she claimed she was sick on more occassions than I can even remember, some of which she was, but some which she certainly wasn't. So we paid for another attorney bill and went to court so the judge could explain to BN that DH is a parent too and he is just as capable of caring for SD9 when she's sick as BM is. So I guess I need to start letting DH write the checks to the attorney so he knows how much his little wishy washy behavior costs us.

UGH!! This is going to be one awful weekend. I can feel it in my bones.

Comments

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

Well we live in Oklahoma and bsaically and in this State, anytime there is a situation where work schedules or social events do not make either DH or I avaialable to care for SD9, DH has to call BM. We aren't allowed to drop her off at Grandma's or Aunt's or anywhere else without asking BM first. Which wouldn't be an issue other than the fact that BM will never say no to having her. And SD9 has always spent time with the other family members during summer visitation because she enjoys it.

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

Well we live in Oklahoma and bsaically and in this State, anytime there is a situation where work schedules or social events do not make either DH or I avaialable to care for SD9, DH has to call BM. We aren't allowed to drop her off at Grandma's or Aunt's or anywhere else without asking BM first. Which wouldn't be an issue other than the fact that BM will never say no to having her. And SD9 has always spent time with the other family members during summer visitation because she enjoys it.

Jsmom's picture

We had ROFR in the CO. Basically if it was over 4 hours, and DH couldn't be with the SK's, he had to tell BM and give her first option to have them.

We did it faithfully, BM if it was convenient to her.

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

I think it's such a pain in the arse. We have no problem sending SD9 to BM's during her 6 weeks with us to see her occassionally. Not that the act ever gets returned in kind. But we have enough family members that we should never have to call BM. We fought for years to keep it out of the order and when the girl turns 9 the judge throws it in. What? Doesn't it make more sense to have this when she's younger, not an age where she actually can make some decisions for herself? Because now what is going to happen is that BS14 and BS12 are going to be hanging out all summer with the Aunt and the grandma by the pool and at the waterpark and SD9 will have to go to BM's and read or work on her summer curriculum. BM is a teacher and makes SD9 do schoolwork all year long. Sucks to be SD9 this summer.