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I tricked DH into coughing up skid’s holiday visitation itinerary

momjeans's picture

DH and I had a heated text exchange, while I was at work today. Ultimately, I ended up clapping back at him in regards to how I have to lurk his parent’s public social media accounts, every effing year, just to find out when skid will be here for summer AND Christmas visitation. 

DH said “Skid will be here on the 17th.” 

I didn’t even bother inquiring how long he knew this information, because I always get a “I just found out myself, momjeans!” 


The 17th is our DD’s birthday. And looking back to a statement DH made the other night, it all kind of makes sense. 

The other day DH told me that he was thinking about taking DD with him to his morning CrossFit class on the 17th, because he thought it “would be fun!” for her. But, based on his past behavior, I can totally see this as a ploy to cart DD along with him to the airport to pick up skid, after his class - without being forthcoming with me of this plan. 

So, as it kind of came all together to me on my drive home from work this evening, I made the executive decision to take DD and DS to the next big city over from us for a fun-filled day of the children’s museum, the LEGO store, lunch, ice-cream, etcetera on the 17th, which means the kids and I will head out first thing that morning. Meaning there will be no “I just found out skid is arriving at the airport, DD and I are meeting her there!” shenanigans. 

I told DH of my plan a short while ago, to which he replied “I wish you would have told me, so I could have scheduled myself off of work that day.”

Huh? Spoiler alert: this is just one of DH’s lame knee jerk guilt trip sprinkled reactions to me asserting myself without him.

(If you’re familiar with my DH’s nonsensical and shady behavior in the past, surrounding skid’s visits and top secret itinerary plans, then this will be stupidly hilarious to you too.)


Exjuliemccoy's picture

just from your post title, momjeans.

Good grief, your H makes me mad for you. Keep making those executive decisions and calling him out on his carp. He and his parents make me ill.

momjeans's picture

They make me ill too. So much. It’s all a game. A game they play within themselves. My life with him and his family is basically a Karpman Drama Diagram.   

That said, I’ve been really leaning into the whole “Play b**** games, win b**** prizes” motto. LOL.

advice.only2's picture

Holy hell I would tell him to take a flying leap off a cliff and get back to me when he starts sharing.

momjeans's picture

I have. So MANY times. I’m exhausted. I can only punch down at him at this point, I swear. 

momjeans's picture

Thanks, Petronella.

He knows better to pull a fast one and taking her off to CrossFit, given my plans. 

You’re right. It is truly lame. It’s all very DH centric self-serving, the more I think about it. It’s all about him - not DD.

DH would have TOTALLY played the “my mom just sent me a text informing me that skid is arriving soon, so DD and I are heading out to the airport” card.

He has before...

susanm's picture

I do not miss those days.  My DH would just give off this weird vibe when something was happening.  I don't even know how to explain it.  But I just knew when he was hiding something that was going to piss me off.  I would sleuth around on BM's social media to see if she was posting about plans on a weekend when she was supposed to have the kids with her and often find that was the issue.  I would make sure I had plans for myself that would keep me away from the house.   If I did not find anything on BM's media then I would suggest getting together with friends for the evening and then mention an expense that  we needed to budget for right away.  At that point he would spill either that the skids were coming at an unplanned time or that one of them was going to die if they did not get a large amount of money for something.  But of course, he "just found out" conveniently right before I happened to mention something.  What a coincidence!!!!

momjeans's picture

I agree. There’s often a vibe I can sense, or in my DH’s case, he gets really REALLY attentive and loving towards me, leading up to skid’s Top Secret arrival date(s).

You’d think these people would give up the tiresome and uber predictable shtick, but nah.

SeeYouNever's picture

What a fun birthday plan for your DD.  Why do our husbands have to sneak around like the stepkids are the other woman? And then they wonder why we get angry over the situation. Oh my mistake why we are "jealous" of the Skids. It's because they set up this weird dynamic of hiding stuff from us!

momjeans's picture

I think what pisses me off the most in all of this is that DH thinks/feels this is a total satisfactory set-up for DD on her birthday. That being carted to an early morning CrossFit class, which yeah might be a bit fun while it lasts (an hour?), and then most likely involved in some sort of scenario where DH just happens to find out skid’s plane has landed or is landing soon, as her flights have often been overnight ones, putting her here in our city,state first thing in the morning) as something DD would choose over age appropriate activities.

DH sees life and family dynamics through his own skewed lens - and it’s a selfish one enabled by his codependent parents. 

Also, if taking the day off of work to spend it with DD was ever an option, why isn’t that a plan already? Why is it all of a sudden a missed opportunity for DH, to take the day off? Because I asserted myself, my role as mom, to take the reins of that day? 

All I can do is laugh at this point. 

missginger's picture

I'm lucky my SD tells me things. Otherwise I would never know about things until the last second (changes with drop off or pick up times etc.) I have no idea why my DH feels the need to not tell me things until the last second. He knows she tells me things now so for ex. this past Sunday night he said at 9pm "I guess you already heard that SD has a dentist appt in the morning so BM is picking her up at 9". I was like "Yes your daughter told me on Friday".  Smile

Willow2010's picture

Sorry but I may be reading this wrong...

You get mad because DH will not tell you when SD will be there ... Dh will not tell you when SD will be there because he is afraid you will do exactly what you did.  As soon as you found out when she would be made plans to take your DD away so she could not go with your DH to get SD.  

Is that why he does not tell you about her arrival dates?  

Willow2010's picture

Wether she has a history of it or not...based on this post...she deliberately removed her DD from being with DH when he goes to pick up his DD.  And she did this as soon as she found out when SD would be there.  

momjeans's picture

You’re wrong.

Since DH did in fact NOT choose to take the day off of work to spend it with DD, but in his divine wisdom thought it would be a good idea to cart DD around, doing things that aren’t even DD-centric, why should I allow him to dictate the day?

Which would you choose for the day:

- DD going to CrossFit class with DH at 7am, then very likely being sprung with potentially going to the airport to pick up skid, because remember... I STILL do not know when skid is actually flying in that day. Then DH and DD coming home, DH hopping in the shower to head off to work by 1 or 2pm, and by then it’s TOO LATE for the kids and I to head out to next big city over?


Taking the initiative to head out early in the morning, to said next big city over, for a DD (and DS) centric, age-appropriate fun day?