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Other post about Father’s Day this Sunday…

missgingersnap2021's picture

I noticed a trend on all the responses under it that basically sounded like the stepmoms that responded  get to have a break and not see their skids and how there skids barely acknowledge their DH"s.  I am actually envious of all of you! I have the exact opposite scenario.

First of all SD17 is here tonight and back to following DH like a puppy dog room to room. I'm in bed by myself right now because they're back to playing cards in the bonus room. Probably cause he was butt hurt this past weekend that when she was here she was busy almost every day so DH didn't see her much ( ummm that's how life should be with a child that just graduated).

Then she has to come back tomorrow to drop off blackberries be cause she's going blackberry picking tomorrow with her cousin and of course DH said he wanted some so I get to see her on a day that we don't normally see her. ( but hey at least for those of you that remember the berry picking incident a couple years ago at least he won't be showing up in the field ) And then, YAY!, we have to go out to dinner with his family on Saturday and even though  this is not our weekend with her she will of course be coming! 
 

Meanwhile like some of you wrote under the other post – my father has passed away so on top of the sadness I feel for missing him I have this added annoyance of having to see her extra days

Comments

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Well DH and I have children together so I can't skip out on Fathers in and not see SD. BUT since BM decided to be a mega B just in time for Father's Day and on DH weekend...  I probably won't be seeing SD anyways. So we will be celebrating Father's Day just DH and our children which we have never done with our SD . I also lost my father about 10 years ago so it's always been a emotional day. Try not to stress it too much . 

Crr18's picture

We will SS because there is an out of town baseball game this entire weekend. I am going to guess he won't even realize it is Fathers Day. But what is said I ordered a gift for SO- to say it is from the pets.  It came In yesterday and  I said since we are going away he could have it early. He said he wants to wait until we get home so he has something to look forward to on Fathers Day. My heart breaks. I wish his kids would come thru for him.  

Stepdrama2020's picture

I know you need so badly some time without SD, just you and DH, and not have extra time with her. To your DH it is a bonus to have his DD more. I suppose most parents want more time with their kids. So i understand that. It sucks for you though because of all his weirdness around you and SD. Once she is there you are on your own. Its sad Ginger lady. If only he could see that you could be a family unit if only he let you in to be free to be you. Its odd that he wants to keep you and SD apart in a sense. DH is dang lucky you are a SM who would enjoy a relationship with SD . So much of your married life is split,  life with DH then DH and SD.

Sorry about your pops thats hard. I have always found fathers day hard . I didnt have the best pops and when I would see commercials on TV for fathers Day showing the perfecto family celebrating daddio I was sad.

These hallmark holidays are tough on us all in different ways.

Hugs kind lady

SeeYouNever's picture

Maybe it's just that stepmoms are never happy whether the kids are there or not! 

Its sucks for my husband if SD doesn't do anything for Father's day and doesn't want to see him. And it would suck for me if she did show up because then Father's day would be all about her. 

Neither scenario sounds good which is why Father's Day is always such a pain.

Lifer33's picture

Are such a pain , nobody wins.

 I'm so sorry about your dad x

I could quire happily do without ss around and just enjoy it with hubby and dd... one year he piped up 'oh yea its fathers day   i need to get (insert step dad) something!'  You can imagine how that went down considering it was bm new bf, and dh is a very active actual dad.

 

However I know that hurts my hubby that ss has chosen to do something else.sport or other this year.

If ss actively wanted to tribute his father and participate I'd help him and be all over it. I too lost my dad , my hero. I find it offensive my ss doesn't seem to g.a.s about his

MissK03's picture

Being envious of stepmoms who've had to deal with PAS, all the emotional abuse, years long court battles, etc just for their skids to not even wish their father's a happy Father's Day is not something to strive for..

Find something else to be envious about.. maybe a better DH.

Sorry of this comes across rude but, the way you worded your post could be a trigger for some. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I was thinking the same thing.

Ginger, for your DH's sake, be happy that he has a good relationship with his daughter. For all the faults that you see in their relationship, she seems to love her Dad and honestly enjoys spending time with him.

Many posts around Father's Day are about how sad these men are that they don't have a good relationship with their children - for whatever reason. They may be partially to blame, or they could do everything possible to have a good relationship and can't because of BM, or PAS, etc. In the end, they wish they had a better relationship and Father's Day serves to emphasize that they don't.

Shieldmaiden's picture

Hi Miss Gingersnap,

   I am in the same boat as you. DH gets 2 SD's (16 and 18) every other weekend, but they always come over on Father's day. They will likely take over my kitchen all day to make a cake or cupcakes with ornate frosting, then as an afterthought - offer me one. Even though they completely forgot my birthday this month. 

I will likely just smile through it all for DH. If they get too annoying, at least he will take them aside later and have a talk with them about their behavior. Though not a lot gets through to them. Oh, and guess who does the dishes? ME. So yeah, I hear you. Maybe just have an excuse to go to bed early or watch TV in your bedroom if they stay past their welcome. 

caninelover's picture

Reminds me of when Bratty (then 19 stb 20) was living with us for the summer between her freshman and sophomore years.  For Father's Day she made a cake.  Of course she paid no attention to which flavors might go best together so it tasted terrible.  It looked like it was made by a blind baker.  And on top of that she left a whole sink ful of dishes (for one cake) that SO ended up washing.

PetSpoiler's picture

My SS rarely if ever acknowledged Father's Day.   He did some after he got with his wife the She-Devil but other than that no. He didn't really acknowledge BM on Mother's Day either.  He did take us out two years in a row but that's about it. That was only after the She-Devil's dad passed away. We quit talking to them a few years ago.  I'll probably get DH  a card from me and one from our bios.  
 

I don't really like to think about Father's Day a whole lot other than that. I lost my dad in 2001 and it still hurts. Badly.    

lieutenant_dad's picture

None of this should be envied because, for the most part, the posts on here around Mother's Day and Father's Day are the result of poor parenting, PAS, loyalty binds, trauma, etc. It's not easy to have the kids around if you already have a poor relationship with them or they behave inappropriately, just like it's not easy to not have them around because your partner feels a lot of different feelings about that.

I understand that you don't like SD because of how she has been parented, and you don't like your DH when SD is around or mentioned because he acts like a royal a-hole. But envy isn't what you should feel in this situation. Empathy is. Sympathy even. Father's Day is a minefield for everyone in step life - just like it is for folks who have lost their fathers, have estranged relationships with their fathers, never knew their fathers, etc. Don't envy the years my DH didn't have his kids because ET used those days to hurt him, because that broke him and I had to help pick up the pieces.

DPW's picture

Yes, yes, yes. 

I honestly think OP that your life would be much simpler and easier if you went through CBT, learning how to reframe your thoughts thus feelings thus behaviours. You'd be so much happier than in the place you are in now.

Shrugs.

 

stepmomnorth's picture

Yep skids barely acknowledging their father on father's day is nothing to be envied 

caninelover's picture

Sorry this holiday is driving extra time with her there instead of the opposite, which is what you really need right now.   Hang in there.

missgingersnap2021's picture

That's it 100%! I jsut wish we had a chunk of time just us to work on us. We start to get closer, work on thngs etc and then BAM its another visitation day or hs family wanting to come over.

ESMOD's picture

At this point, with the way you are feeling, I'm surprised you didn't make some plan to be elsewhere for the weekend.  You knew father's day would have to involve more SD time in your home.. and given the way it's going.. I would have made every effort to either be somewhere else... or suggest to your DH that he take a trip away with his daughter (though I get that you would resent him spending the money too.. ).. but at least you wouldn't ahve a front row ticket to it all.

I'm not sure if you have mentioned if your father is still alive.. if he was. that could have been a good visit to plan.. 

have you made any progress getting your DH to get any medical testing?  You mentioned he is having issues with more than just you and your homelife.

missgingersnap2021's picture

My father has passed and no he has not gotten any testing. He will never admit anythingis wrong. 

And its hard to make plans when my exteneded family and friends are so far away. Besides we have a neighbors party we are going to tonight that I would not have wanted to miss.