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The (almost) worst has happened

Merry's picture

I left town for a few days for a much needed break to spend time with my daughter and her family. DH has not been well, but it's manageable and his doc told me there was no medical reason for me to cancel my trip. So I went. Had a great time. Spoke with DH throughout and all seemed fine, even early this morning.

I get home to him unconscious on the floor. I called the EMTs, and we're in the emergency room now while they try to figure out what happened. Doesn't appear to be heart or stroke.

Obviously DH can't communicate with his kids. And I  don't want to but feel like I should. For now I will wait until we know more. If he's admitted to ICU, which I expect, I can give them access to information using a passcode. "Selfish jerks" or "cruel games" or "I love Merry" come to mind. 


Exjuliemccoy's picture

What an awful homecoming, Merry. Sending positive thoughts your way, and please update us when things settle down a bit.

StepUltimate's picture

Merry, so sorry your DH is in the ER and that on top of everything, you also have to deal with the internal "Don't Want To But I Should" debate re: letting the toxic skidults know. 

Love your passcode idea. My vote is for Toxic-Selfish-Rude-Hypocrite-Checking-In-MAYBE

Survivingstephell's picture

I had to have a password for my mother when she had heart surgery.  I made it memorable and the nurses asked for just hear me say it.  Made their day.  So I say have some fun with that password.   I might be slow on the info train though. They really haven't earned it from what you write.   Hang in there. 

Merry's picture

I love that.

If you are a word nerd I have a book for you: Ella Minnow Pea.  Say is fast out loud. The book gets crazier from there. 

MorningMia's picture

How scary! I hope you get some answers soon and that your DH recovers quickly. I understand the position you're in. Hopefully, there will be no need for skid communication. But, yes, have fun with these password ideas! 

SMto2's picture

Wow, how awful. I'm thankful you arrived when you did and hoping it's nothing major. I'm sorry you have to deal with the dilemma of whether to notify the SKs. How about this for a password: Not!me4BS! 

Crspyew's picture

but glad you got there when u did.  Thinking of you both. Many good ideas for that passcode!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Scary! How fortunate you got home when you did. Hope you get answers quickly and that your DH fully recovers.

Merry's picture

I decided to text his kids. Gave them high-level detail, told them I'd get a call-in passcode set up so they could call in to the nurses if they wanted to. They never have before but I can't be accused of withholding information.

I also managed to work in that we are adapting to his changing health but that we are happy and life is good. But the future is unknown.

My bet is that I get a two word "thank you" from SD and nothing from SS. But I did what I felt was right. 

StepUltimate's picture

That's because you remain a classy lady who doesn't sink to their level - even though they've earned being 100% ghosted by you! 

Proud of you for staying true to yourself & doing the hard things. Praying for your DH & his medical team, and for strength for you during this challenge. *give_rose*

Merry's picture

Thank you. I truly appreciate the support over the years.

I did get a very kind response from SS, including a thank you. Unexpected. 

Dollbabies's picture

started his six month downward spiral I broke the long (ten year) silence and told his three adult kids he was hospitalized and gave them the number to reach him. Silly me. I actually thought they would call him. I think most people would be alarmed at hearing someone was hospitalized for acute renal failure, but not them. It took six months and hearing the word "hospice" for them to reach out. 16 days later he was dead.

I wish I could report I'm passed it but I still hate them for their cruelty toward their father. 

I hope the doctors quickly find the source of your husband's condition and how to treat him. 

Harry's picture

Speedy recovery.  Getting better is more important then why it happen.  Things happen if we are home or away.   You can think of getting him a smart watch with fall notifications. 

thinkthrice's picture

For your DH.  Password: Dadz$Goes2Merry  or


CLove's picture

Best wishes to your Dh and yourself. Speedy healing and gentle flowing goodness your way.

I hope things are better today - I just logged on after the weekend. How are you two doing?

Im trying to get to the point where I would message the skids. Powersulk definitely, but not feral forger, not at this point.

Cover1W's picture

Oh no, so sorry to hear this. Hope you are coping ok and that your DH is stable at this point.  Eff those skids.

Rags's picture

I'm so sorry that your get away was capped with coming home to unconscious DH on the floor.

I have a condition, one of many, that I have had since I was a mid single digit aged kid.  Proctalgia Fugax.  I have no idea how to pronounce the second word in the name. Anyway, it was missDx'd when I was in my early 20s as Giardia. An intestinal parasite usually acquired in 3rd world countries. I grew up on one.  It is self limiting as flare ups occur, are attacked by the immune system, then the gap between flare ups increases until usually at some point it is no longer an issue.  The treatment was to basically poison me until the parasite died or I did. Nope. Not something I was interested in experiencing.

When I was in my late 30s I had a "flare up" that caused me to pass out.  I had several of those events over the years starting when I was about 6yo.  It starts with insanely painful rectal spasms (deep nauseatingly painful, not sharp intense pain).  If they progress far enough I end up unconscious. When I wake up I can be violently ill (projectile vomiting, etc).  It sucks beyond measure.

The last major flare up sent me to the ER in an ambulance. I was in A-fib in the ambulance and in the ER, the young ER doc was hell bent on a pace maker immediatly. I ended up taking the phone from them and speaking to the Cardiologist and explained the symptoms leading up to the passing out event. While on the phone I dropped otu of A-Fib. The Cardiologist told the ER doc to release me and for me to follow up with my GP. 

My GP, who had worked for Docs Without Borders determined that it was not Giardia but Proctalgia Fugax.  Not uncommon in young men and boys apparently.  Basically, the rectal spasms, if unchecked, over stimulate the Vegus nerve causing A-Fib and can cause the sufferer to pass out and induce the projectile vomiting.  

My GP, to whom I owe an eternal debt of gratitude, says to me "You can either take a pill every day for the rest of your life, or.... we can use another med and you put it under your tongue when you feel a spasm and that should stop it from progressing. An anti-spasmotic/involuntary muscle relaxer.

So, some years I take zero pills, others I take a half a dozen or so. Or, somewhere in between.

I hope that DH's issue is something relatively simple and treatable.  Any number of things can case someone to pass out.

Don't sweat the Skids, they have earned their notify after the fact status.

Take care of you.

Give rose