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question about protection for step parents....

Lauren973's picture

I have heard it said here many times that step parents have no rights. I know for the most part that is tue, and it blows, but... I have also heard that BM cannot restrict her child from spending time with her ex's new wife.

We are not married yet but will be before the end of this year (possibly this month). I've looked online and cannot find ANY information about this... Can BM make it so that I cannot see her daughter once she is my step child? Is there ANYTHING I can do to protect this from happening? Anything her father can do?
thanks for any info and advice.....


chellebelle143's picture

BM tried same thing when I first moved here, when she found out I would be keeping SS, she trotted her little happy ass outside thinking she was going to tell DH that she didn't want me to keep SS. Dh told her straight up that if she didn't give his son to him , he was going to call the police. She backed down and went back inside.

He called his divorce atty right away , the atty said that she can't stop you from allowing your fiancee to keep ss, he also said that she needs to realize that moving on and finding new relationships is part of divorce. DH called her, told her what atty said, she has never said anything else. I think like Candice said it isn't so much they really care, it is the fight, and the control that they thrive on. Tell BF to call his divorce atty and ask him what the deal is in your state. Then BF can call and let her know that she doesn't have a legal leg to stand on in trying to deny his future wife from keeping sk. GOOD LUCK Dirol

Chocoholic's picture

NO, she cannot keep you from your SS UNLESS you do something to substantiates keeping you away from SS.

I think that most BMs try this crap simply because they don't want their ex to move on with his life. I would DOCUMENT EVERYTHING (start a running log) and sit back and watch her make an ass of herself.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"

Nymh's picture

This is something that almost all hatefulspitefulvindictive BM's try to do, and it never works. My SS's BM has tried this before and she's about to waste her money trying it again. As long as you've never done anything illegal or directly endangering to the child then there's nothing to worry about and she'll only make herself look worse for trying.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

littlegrlzx4's picture

She can't stop you from being around at all, except if there's a first right of refusal clause in the MTA.

My DH has a stipulation where if he can't be with the kids, the BM gets the opportunity first. He can't transfer that right to me so if he's out of town or away for a certain # of hours (3 in our case) legally he has to let her know.

Our BM had all sorts of fun with this- she tried to pull the kids the night before the wedding, during business trips, etc. Eventually, though, she got bored and it's not much of an issue at this point.

chellebelle143's picture

Yeah but 1st right of refusal usually works both ways, so the same applies to BM. In our case dh told bm go right ahead and pull that, but your Dad will not be keeping ss while you work anymore, I will. She quickly changed her tune. Most BM's only want to enforce the rules when it benefits them.

Susanna's picture

We actually had to draw up papers that said, in part, that I can be at the drop off / pick ups, although I am not allowed to get out of the car. I don't know if having to use the restroom is allowed or not in that ruling. I wouldn't really care except bm likes to walk up to our car and open and slam the door repeatedly while I am in the car. If she pulls that again, I'm getting out and calling the cops. I think it's really stupid. I'm spending the whole day with her daughter but she is freaking out about the last hour of the visit.

What a spaz. It is just about control in my opinion as well.

Get a good lawyer and hope you don't have to use the lawyer as much as we have.

Good Luck
// Susana

"One breath at a time is an acceptable plan."
Ani DiFranco

gamma34's picture

I am about to finalize my divorce and my ex is trying to put a stipulation in the "Mediation Agreement" that prevents my children from being exposed to her ex-best friend. She names this person by name. This person has done absolutely no harm to our kids and she is doing this because she hates her now and wants to make sure that this person is out of her life forever, and feels that one day this person may want to have a relationship with me at some level.
My biggest question here is if this is legal? I can't imagine it would be but my mediator has not been much help on this. This infringes on my life.

Nymh's picture

If this person has ever been convicted of a crime, your ex could stipulate that no one who has ever been convicted of a crime can be around the children. They can also do this if the person has a documented history of violent tendencies. Basically it boils down to, your ex would have to prove that the friend's presence could pose a real legitimate threat to the well-being of the children. Otherwise, the courts are used to divorcees trying to stipulate these things out of jealousy and spite, and most of the time nothing ever comes of it.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Sita Tara's picture

Do you have an attorney? If not- get one. This woman is not handling your divorce amicably if she is trying to decide who you can date. I don't know if the reason is that you and the exfriend HAVE already been dating (you can tell us we won't hate you) doesn't matter one bit.

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING until you consult a lawyer.

I had a completely amicable divorce, but should have still hired a lawyer because I wasn't thinking clearly about my kids financial future when I signed all my financial rights away. The JUDGE asked me to allow him to grant a continuance so I could get my own council, THAT's how bad the agreement was for me.

So even if you think things are cool with her, get an UNBIASED legal opinion. Her trying to have control over who you are friends with or date is a BIG RED FLAG. You cannot do your divorce through a mediator. They are not allowed to give legal advice save telling you to ask an attorney.


"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra