Hi all. I've been MIA for a while. Thought it was time for an update and to vent a bit.
You will remember where BF and I were: he entered "mediation" with BM to hasten the divorce process and against my wishes made an agreement about custody that was drastically different than he and I had agreed on. I told him then that the terminology of the agreement would render him powerless and that there was no reason to believe that BM would operate in good faith. I told him that the agreement opened him up to further violations of the PRO and that even if she was abiding by the agreement today she would eventually push in further and blow up.
Well, I was right. Things went smooth for a long time (long in BM time). For one or two months or so, she agreed to let BF have his daughter any time he asked. Child exchanges were smooth and email exchanges were to the point. Over this time she had a number of spills off the "stalker" wagon. Despite the restraining order when her car broke down she had it towed to our house while we were out of town and sat on our porch talking to our landlord for four hours.
But as she was delivering on her promise to give him parenting time, he let it slide. He slackened up about pick ups and drop offs and would drop daughter off at her home rather than the police station. In time however, her emails turned into excuses to talk to him. Oh it was about trivial things like what she ate or where she'd been the week prior, but still it was a test of boundaries - and he let it slide. She would call me and bitch at me for giving her daughter a lollipop or ice cream.
Then, he finally wrote his financial settlement terms and sent them to his attorney. He basically agreed to buy her out. Offered $270 a week in child support (forever) $20k of the 401k (which was actually used to pay the mortgage on the house she got to live in) and half of the proceeds of the marital home. Custody was to be joint legal, with the caveat that BF could request his daughter at any time and "barring emergent circumstances" she could not deny him.
Last week, he was forced to commence paying the $270 weekly retroactive to July, and she got her money. Three days later, she sent him an email accusing him of abusing their child by witholding food from her for over 24 hours. Then sent another letter to him saying that she does not want her daughter around me. Furthermore she called me and left two SCATHING messages on my phone.
To provide a little back story, let me say that I have been having health problems and I am currently in a two week waiting period to determine what stage of cervical cancer I have. I do not have health insurance. When BM called one day to speak to her daughter, and I was crying when I answered, I foolishly revealed this to her.
So... on to the messages: "don't ever get involved in raising my daughter. You are nothing to her other than the girlfriend of her father. Not even a friend because you don't see her that much. You don't have any kids and don't understand them so don't try to raise mine. because I am her mother. Just take care of yourself right now. Because if ____ (BF) loved you we would be divorced and you would have health insurance and maybe you wouldnt have cancer so its obvious who is his family and who he cares about because I have his health insurance. So go get a job at UPS so that you can go to a doctor because he doesn't love you enough to take care of you like he does us. The two of you can't be trusted around my daughter and I'm going to make sure the lawyer knows that. Just go lick your wounds and stay away form my daughter."
Remember, in May she BEGGED me to take her daughter to and from school because she couldnt afford gas. This AFTER previos claims that I had abused her daughter.
BF and I had a long discussion. A letter is being drafted by our attorney that she is never to contact me again. I will no longer attend pick up's and drop off's for child exchange. I cannot let this woman's venom affect me now. BF also wrote her a reply email and told her that she was violating the restraining order and that any further violations would bring police involvement, and that I was the love of his life, that he loves me more than her ever loved her. Yada yada yada.
It was nice - really nice for him to stand up for me for once. I mean I understand that any reply he gives her just enflames her and makes things worse - but for once, he put me above that.
In the meantime, I have realized that BF really really screwed himself. I told him to just take it to court but he wanted it done as quickly as possible.
Now he has his financial offer IN WRITING and her attorney has YET to write up the child custody agreement. Obviously now that BM got more money she is laying groundwork to claim that he is an unfit parent. I warned him that she would not hold up her end, and its coming to fruition. Even if he DID take it to court now, the court would hold HIM to his agreement to pay that amount, and custody would STILL be up for grabs because no agreement was written. It was all verbal. Our attorney keeps telling us to continue playing nice because our attorney is a good guy and expects her attorney to play fair. But as I keep saying, her attorney is F*KING her in exchange for his services. There is no reason to believe for a SECOND that he will play fair.
Ugh. Sometimes it seems I have no voice. I open my mouth and all is silent. Its really not so fun being able to say "I told you so".
I cannot wait till this is over. Will it ever be over? Will he EVER get a divorce?
I mean I know she's in our lives for all time - but can this evil battle of wills be RATIFIED IN SOME WAY? Its been four YEARS. And I am tired.
I have never hated anyone with as much passion as I hate this woman. It sucks me dry. I want it to be his problem and not mine. I want HER to have to deal with the empending emotional problems of the child she messed up because she cared more about her own hurt ego than her daughter. I want to REST.
Somehow I feel like she will never get what she deserves.
Anyway, thanks all for listening. I've missed you