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unbelievablly insane. I need some answers, PLEASE?

Lauren973's picture

Hi all, I'm back. Its been a while and lately I've been reading more than posting. Not because things haven't been crazy, oh, indeed they have. Just because I can hardly get the words down on paper (real or imaginary).

I've been trying very hard to focus on me a little more, what with being sick and all. But this week I feel overwhelmed and need to vent. I am ALSO hoping there is someone out there who has dealt with a Property Settlment Agreement and a crazy BM who might be able to let me know what I am in for.

Now for the venting...

BabyMamma and I have not spoken for two months now. This came about after yet another ridiculous and unfounded accusation of abuse (this time she accused STBH). As has occurred at least four times, DramaMamma gets pissy oveer something and flares up in anger accusing either STBH or me of abusing her daughter. Once it was that I cut her daughter's hair - I did. She claimed it was as punishment and that I took off four inches, but we have before and after pictures, and I trimmed it into a lovely cut, not removing more than an inch anywhere. Then it was that I had bathed with her daughter and offered her wine - which is entirely laughable. I won't even go into the bathroom when her father bathes her because I KNOW how crazy the woman is. Next it was that I hit her daughter. Now I was not spanked as a child, my parents are hippies, and I wouldn't even spank my OWN kids let alone someone else's. After each of these accusations there arrived a time when DramamMamma needed help with something or someone to take her daughter to school or childcare - and she has admitted (on recorded telephone conversations) that she was just mad, jealous, or throwing out 'ideas' and that she never thought I abused her daughter.
It came to the point where I told her that if she really believed someone, ANYONE was hurting her daughter, she is legally bound in the state of NJ to turn them in to DYFS - and so, before launching any futher accusations, she should call THEM or the POLICE. And they will investigate.
She never did.
During all of this, a final property settlment agreement was written up, and she claims she has signed it - though we still haven't heard for certain. One of the main guidelines in the custody agreement is that 10 days after signing, she has to turn over daughters passport because of her previous trips out of country with unvaccinated child. Two weeks ago she calls ten minutes after her court ordered child exchange time, and claims she doesn't have enough gas to get to the police station (one town over) so STBH will have to pick child up at her house. This is in spite of the fact that he is now paying 275 a week in support. Three days later, she sends him a letter INFORMING him that she will be taking her daughter to Italy for ten days this month. dirty dirty LIAR. she HAS to inform him, after having taken her three other times without having done so. When she did her income disclosure, she claimed that she made less than 7k last year and NOTHING this year. She sold her consignment store, but claimed it all went to pay back owed bills on the shop. she sold it five months ago, and has not worked a DAY since. If we're to believe HER story, her ONLY means of support is her child support. With it, she pays for a 1500 dollar a month apartment, a private montessori daycare, her auto insurance, heat, gas, electricity, parking, her gym membership her and her daughters pool membership, a summer camp that cost 600 a week for her daughter in another state which she had to drive to daily, and all of her food which she STRICTLY purchases at whole foods. Now she also went to Paris for ten days in January, Costa rica WITH her daughter for seven days in May, and now a ten day trip to italy????????? And the PSA is not even ratified yet???
Yesterday we get a letter informing us that she has taken her daughter out of the christian montessori school that she placed her in without STBH's knowledge (despite the fact that he is not christian, the dramamMamma claims her daughter is buddhist so that she can get religious exemption from vaccinations and she herself has NEVER practiced any religion). She decides on a whim that her daughter must be moved to another school, because the one she already supposedly paid for is too expensive. No mention of Italy.

As for STBH and I, we are waiting with bated breath for the divorce to come through so that I can get much needed health insurance upon our marraige. I have to continually remind him to hold her responsible for her actions, to take notes, keep records, tell his attorney, the police etc., and he just seems not to have it in him anymore, he just wants it over so badly that he won't stand up against her crap. WHICH scares me. Primarily it is because the woman has never followed a single boundary in her life. Its why he left her, its why she has no job, its why she was arrested five times for violating her restraining order, and why I don't now believe that she will follow any decree in the PSA.

So what follows? After the PSA is ratified and the divorce final, what happens when she violates the custody agreement or restraining order or takes her daughter out of the country again? And what do we do about the fact that she is making all of these decisions like education and religion etc., without informing father? They have joint legal, decisional and residential custody with mother being primary residential custodian. Furthermore, and this is what freaks me out the most - the wording in the custody arrangement is whacked.
It states that father is permitted to exercise "liberal visitation time" and can give 24 hour notice to pick up child for any amoun of time he wants. Mother cannot refuse unless it is a provable medical emergency, interferes with her schooling, or "other incidents which are not seen to be in the best interest of the child".
Anyone have ANY idea what I can expect? How does this go from here???