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Lauren973's picture

Its been a very long while since I posted. I don't really know why. I am so filled with venom and disdain, I am making myself sick.
After everything that I have done to extend myself in order to make things better, things have only gotten worse.

I am now pushed to a point where I have to leave my partner in order to preserve my own health. It is the very last thing I want to do. It is bad for him, bad for his daughter, and very sad for me. But I cannot convince him that NOTHING we say or do to make ex-wife's life easier will EVER generate enough "good-will" to get her to behave in a civil sane manner.
Here is the latest: you tell ME.
Two weeks before the PSA was to be ratified in court, after five years waiting, after false accusations of child abuse. after breaking into our house, assaulting STBH, violating the restraining order REPEATEDLy, being arrested five times, after he gave her everything in order to get OUT of the marriage, after she ran into my car and so so so much more - she calls him to tell him that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer.
She tells him that she will not sign any divorce papers until she is "healed".
What does HE DO?????? He takes her to the hospital and stays with her as her ONLY support. He asks ME to take off work for three weeks and watch their daughter while she recovers.
Two days after her surgery, she has returned to her typical behavior - says she is feeling fine now and wants to have daughter back. I just have to eat three weeks lost wages after all fuck me, right? And his response? He is still hopeful that one day things will get better.
Things will NEVER get better. Any person with reasonable limits and healthy self-respect could see that. His ability to endure her bullshit at his and his daughters expense, is endless. Mine is not.
I want out. I want it over. I want never to have to deal with that psychotic woman and her complete disregard for anyone NOT her, again. Gone with the spending my money and energy on a five year old who spits on me, calls me names, punches me, ignores me, bites me and goes essentially unpunished for it because of how hard it all is on her.
Gone with being blamed for the dissolution of a marriage which ended YEARS before I even MET him.
Gone with the endless barrage of phone calls because she can't handle her own life. Gone with it all.
If I stay here, my life will look like this forever. I am so resentful that I feel angry MOST of the time. I HATE the feeling of anger living in my gut. I was a happy person before I walked in to the lives of these three.
If he cannot walk away from this woman, then I WANT OUT.


sarahbernheart's picture

there is no way in hell I would have taken three weeks off and watched their kid. there was no reason for your BF to be there for her, he only needed to be there for the daughter-I am afraid I would feel the way you do-I am sorry for the loss of your relationship and I feel sorry for your BF he is losing a good thing.
if the daughter is lashing out now, as she becomes a teenager, it probably get worse.
get out.
I wish I could be of more help.

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

sparky's picture

"I want out. I want it over." I would be gone, but I would not have taken 3 weeks off from work. You are enabling the lunatics and its not your responsibility.

frustratedinMA's picture

I think her ungrateful @ss should compenstate you for taking the time off from work. Actually.. THEY BOTH SHOULD!

skyisfalling's picture

Sorry that you have to go through this. Also, I believe that you should definitely put yourself first, not him nor his daughter or the last thing you want to put before yourself, BM. I think you're doing the right thing. You are supposed to be his SO, not a babysitter. Hell, your status isn't even that since neither one of them were paying you for watching their bratty 5yr old. So, I say, go right ahead and do what you believe will help you move on with your life. Good luck. HUGS!

"For the love of herself, she acknowledged her worth."

Sweatheart's picture

Sounds to me like he has chosen her over you, over and over again. Time to go!

Most Evil's picture

That right there is enough to leave, much less take care of a 5 year old who bites and hits! Run for your life!

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus