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King PITA wins again...

Last-Wife's picture

Damn, I hate feeling like this is a competition. It's actually been a great summer.

Princess stayed at school for summer classes and work. Lazy Boye is at Marine Boot Camp. Loghead and I have gone about our normal summer routines, and it hasn't really been a problem that PITA was home from college for the summer. PITA just turned 19 and has been working hard every day for a local rancher. Sure he sleeps till noon and only works from 1-6, but then he comes home, has dinner and goes out with friends for the evening. We really don't see much of him. He had a friend in visiting from out of state a few weeks back and we even took that kid with us for a mini vacation to a local tourist resort for a few days. We had a great time!

it's interesting to see how he has grown up and changed after a few months of college. He got rid of his high school sweetie. She actually plans to go to another college in the same town he attends school. For that reason, and the idea of changing career plans, he is actually going to change colleges in the fall, basically to get away from her.

So why keep her on as a booty call? About once every 2-3 weeks, he sneaks her in the house late at night. They aren't even smart enough to wake up before we do and get her out of the house. Oh, no! They'll laze around in bed till 2:00 in the afternoon, watching TV and playing video games, coming upstairs to get food!

This just makes my blood boil. And since she used to be here all the time when they dated, and I liked her, she acts like it's no big deal to make herself at home. Seriously, she acts like they are still together. And he talks so poorly about her behind her back. He's even said, "I don't want her but if she's dumb enough to share anyway..."

She makes me want to turn into Gretchen Weiners and just shout "you can't sit here!" And I have identified a few reasons I feel that way:
1. They're not dating, and when they were, it was like living in a damn Taylor Swift song, fighting, break up, back together.
2. She has Daddy issues, and actually lived with us for a few months when her parents kicked her out. During that time PITA went to live with his grandparents because he didn't want anyone to talk bad about her or her situation.
3. I hate the skids shacking up here and setting about example for my BS.
4. i've discovered she's somewhat crazy, and could be a miniture Loca in training. I don't want PITA to have to live the same life Loghead did just because some little country bumpkin gets knocked up.
5. PITA has a small drinking problem and may not practice safe sex if he's been drinking.
6. I don't trust her to be taking safety precautions either when it comes to sex. her life goal is marriage and kids.
7. i don't want to be raising grand babies anytime soon
8. Loghead just lets it happen...

And #8 may be my biggest issue of all. Each time she stays over, i complain to Loghead about it and explain some of my concerns. he just says, "I'll take care of it." And then usually she's still here until well after dinner!!! ARGH

The last time she was here was 3 weeks ago. i discovered she was here when I found her shoes in the bathroom! On that particular time, she had a flat tire in town so PITA rescued her and brought her here to stay. (She lives out in the country, farther away...)

Well ok, that's fine. loghead has told her she can stay under certain circumstance as long as she stays in the guest room. no. She was downstairs in his bed. he'd actually left for work, but got back shortly after I'd discovered she was here. Loghead talked to PITA about it, but he didn't do anything. I was scheduled to leave town later that even for a few days away. I was so mad at Loghead's inaction, I left town early.

Got home a few days later. I'd had time to calm down and think it through. I asked Loghead to talk to me about it. I laid out all my concerns, #1-7. I reminded him this wasn't the first time we'd had this discussion, and every time it keeps happening, he says he'll take care of it. I said he obviously hasn't taken care of it very well, because it keeps happening every few weeks. I told him I feel very DISRESPECTED because it makes me feel my concerns are ignored and what I wish for in my house is not followed. I reminded him PITA is still our child, 19 or not, and he couldn't just do what he wanted under our roof and that Loghead needed to provide him better guidance. I told him "you can't agree with me it's wrong and tell me you'll fix it, and then still let it happen, cuz you're sending mixed messages. It's making me feel that what I want and need as the female head of the house isn't important. It's telling the kid it's ok to get sex where he can; it's like you think you're being the cool dad. Think how you'll be if you're a Grandpa at your age!"

He agreed that I was right and again said he'd deal with it. I reminded him I am aware that is simply what he says when he wants me to shut up. I told him the next time it happens will not be pretty and I will step in.

And you're asking yourself, well, why haven't you stepped in? If it bugs you so much, do something!

Cuz PITA is an asshole. That's why. Anyone that's read my blogs over the last few years knows that. I love him to death, do everything for him, but he still has Mommy issues. Loca abandoned him when he was so little, he really has very little respect for women. He can be very violent, and really that's not a can of worms I wish to open. I feel Loghead needs to set the example of how a REAL MAN behaves and treats women.

And the last time I stepped in and stood up to PITA he took it out on Loghead and we didn't see him for nearly 2 months, and it killed Loghead. Who was mad at me the whole time, even though he knew I was right. So I haven't said anything. Because I love Loghead, and he is my first concern, not the skids....

I feel like talking to the high school sweetie. We've had a good relationship, but i don't really think I can just say, "PITA is an ass and he's using you. Go away."

So why the vent? Yup, it happened again this morning. I went for my morning walk, and discovered sweetie's car parked around the corner! i told Loghead to go take care of it. Instead of ignoring it, like he usually doesn, he did go downstairs, and I did hear yelling. he came back and relayed their excuse and said she was sleeping on the couch, while PITA was sleeping in the other room. He said she'd be gone soon, but he had to leave for work and drive outta state, so he couldn't see it through.

he asked me to leave them alone. I asked if he's talked to PITA about how disrespectful I find it. That's when he started to blow up and told me to leave it alone. He said he'd call and wake them up later and make sure she left. He told me not to call and report every 10 minutes that she was still here. He said to leave it alone and not to cause a fight with PITA.

So this is where I sit. Fuming. i don't want her in my house. I'm mad at Loghead for not being a more forceful parent and stopping this weeks ago. if PITA knows how I feel about it, I pissed he can't see past his pecker... I'm sad she doesn't have a higher self esteem and she just lets herself be used...

I know this is bad. I know this is some sort of statement on our marriage and how PITA and Loghead truly feel about me and my wishes. I know if this girl gets pregnant it will be even worse, but then how can I stand around and say "I told you so."

I really feel like Loghead sets up siuations lately just to see how I will respond. All I can hear in my head is Dr. Phil asking "Do you wanna be right, or do you wanna be happy?"

I don't know the answer in this situation. I just know I want to feel respected in my own home...

(And FYI- I say "my own home," but it's ours. We bought it together, both our names are on it...)

But I'm feeling like, once again King PITA got what he wanted...


just.his.wife's picture

I would be calling him every five minutes.
And calling the little sleaze and PITA as well, incessant calls and text messages.

Or one single one: You have 1 minute to be OUT of my house or I call the cops and have you BOTH trespassed. Then follow up.

Your getting walked on, because your allowing it. And your allowing all this crap to go on around your BS.
Do something about it.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Wow, this is a tough one. Tough because you've been down this road before. Tough because it's PITA's pecker that he's thinking with. Most of all, TOUGH because you said he could get violent.

I was with you the entire time and thought, "Just go tell them to get the hell OUT!" But a 19yo who can get violent? You have to keep going through DH. I would fear for my safety. Yes, you and DH are butting heads, will continue to butt heads, but the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Keep on squeaking. How convenient that DH is out of town now. Your DH is like mine, he doesn't want to deal with the drama. He wants everything to be calm and settled, but that's where us SMs lose. You have to speak up to DH over and over. Use your frustration to be a frikkin thorn in his side. This is your HOME, for goodness sake.

I don't know what the laws are for trespassing, since it's PITA's home, too, but you could get the girl removed. I don't know if it's worth it to handle it on your own like that. I would keep going through DH, unfortunately.

Or be a real bitch and change the locks, but that's only a temporary solution, lol. Hang in there. I would be livid, too!

~ Moon

moeilijk's picture

I've noticed that most drama is caused when we wait for others to take care of our problems.

You're thinking about how other people are supposed to be handling their stuff. So you handle your stuff.

Too bad if Loghead is angry with you - he's angry with you now anyway. And you're angry with him. Better is he's the only one angry. Then at least you can deal with his B.S. without being angry at the same time.

I don't know the options where you are, but can you call a friend or someone to go with you when you go throw out the girl, tell her not to come back, and tell PITA he can choose between serious grovelling (have a list prepared) or other accommodation.

Gabriels Mom's picture

I agree with sweet pea, walk down there with her shoes, tell her to collect her belongings and walk her out the door. If you want to be nice to her give her a list of books on building self esteem.

You DH is an ahole for 1. not handling this crap sooner and 2. he knows his son can become violent when confronted and he allows him to live in his home with his wife.

DH flips out on the boys if he feels they are a little too agressive when we are playing around.

If I were you I would most certainly upset precious and hope he disappears for a few months. That's a few months of peace for you.

Last-Wife's picture

Thank you to everyone who has offered advice. Loghead (my nickname refers to his love of building and renovating late 1800 log- cabin homes) stepped in and she left by lunch time. I informed him when he returns home we need to sit down together with PITA and come up with some resolutions and consequences. i have informed Loghead if this ever happens again, I will be having a chat with the young lady as well.

And i did say he can be violent. That was honestly years ago, when he was dealing with issues with his BM. However, he is still prone to verbally abusive shouting matches. In his violence, he never hurt people- just things, walls, furniture, stuff...

I let Loghead know I am very unhappy by the situation. That I felt he held PITA's feelings above my own. I reminded him PITA is his son, and I am his wife. He apologized for the way he acted, but stated he can't control PITA's every move. I reminded him it is OUR home and we are the ADULTS to set boundaries and if PITA doesn't like it, he doesn't have to come home.

Frankly, I will be glad when he can move into his college apart in a few more weeks...