Long read, many changes
So to try and make a long story short, since I last blogged FH is now DH as of may, been together 3 yrs, he has sole custody of SS10 (vague custody wording "father had sole custody with mother having visitation at fathers discretion" long story behind that) BM has moved 14 times in 3 yrs, in aug with 24 hr notice took her other 2 kids and husband and move 3 states away for a month till they had cars repossessed. She's only had a job for 6 months ever (ended last june) her DH works cash under the table. She doesn't financially help with SS and no CO for CS or insurance. SS as of the first of the yr goes on my insurance (better coverage) DH wants to go back to court for CS and 50% medical and educational and a more "spelled out custody" she was getting ever weekend in the winter and then we got every weekend may through middle aug. Holidays split based on family plans.
So the point SS is miserable at BMs she her husband and 2 kids live in the living room of a 2 br apt with 5 other people (adults and kids total 9 when ss is there) he has been periodically kicked out of school for bullying and his behavior sounds exactly like his step dads treatment of him, hes not allowed to hit SS (does anyway popped him in the mouth on Christmas eve for screaming, hits him with other objects and both BM and he are screamers) SS never behaves like that for us, if he gets and attitude its easily redirected, he gets put in time out, loses privileges for behavior at school, but actually asks if we want a chore done, read a plays with his toys etc hes a good kid. I want to help him to deal best with his BM and that situation without overstepping as DH doesn't know what to say or do. My SM was abusive to me and I remember how much that hurt me. BM blames us thinks we must fill his head with her being a bad mom because he constantly asks to come home, she thinks we let him do anything he wants and here he has been reminded his mom loves him and he needs to not yell at adults. DH has refused BMs attempts to get him to parent SS on her time and told her to deal with it and figure out why he behaves that way there and not here.
.Thoughts suggestions on what we can or should say to help him, to prepare for how court may go, hes afraid BM will get more time (and he wants her to have 0 decision making over medical she has racked up thousands on ER visits for non emergencies and taking him or having her sister take him for stuff he could of been seen at his dr and she never listed insurance because she was told not to take him.) Shes bow pissed the Bill's are being forwarded to her