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Where do i fit in?

Ladystark's picture

Im making a huge effort with this momsclub. Im trying very hard to be open. I just feel like im not making great connections. Im sticking with it till summer, then i think i might find a new group. Maybe make my own group.

Alot of ladies go to the same church- i am not a church goer.

Some are very athletic, a few are super skinny.

Then there are a few large moms.
Even out of the group i always feel stuck in the middle.

Im 5'1, im 150pounds, so im over weight, but not obese.... im working on my weight, but im not a stroller jogger, or work out everyday type.

I also am not sit on my butt do nothing type either.

I do not drink coffee or wine.

I love crafts.

I just feel like i have a hard time with moms. Im to fat for the skinny moms, but not fat enought for the obese.

Ughh. Im not big on leggings... i dont sell anything, i dont want to buy anything...

Like one mom sells makeup, another lularoe, one is always pushing paint and wine night.like of course id go paint, but i know nothing about wine, because i do not like it. I like beer. Where is the beer and paint night??!!!

Where is lulasweat pants??

Like where is my mom buddy hiding??

And i cant have a dad buddy, cause i know jealousy happens both way with spouses...

Like i want to be able to chow down, and not hear about juicing.

Ughhh.

Not one of these moms watch walking dead!! Like who are these people?

Noone has started watching "little big lies" which i am loving...i think i might get the book!

None of them are steps either, most are military moms.

Weird rant sorry.. just feeling like an odd ball... been in this group a few months now, i only have one moms phone number! One!!

Comments

lintini's picture

Sounds like we could be great friends, but of course I'm across the US from you.

When does GoT new season start?

And I'm pretty damn unimpressed with this season of walking dead....blahjjh

Ladystark's picture

I keep seeing stuff for april! So it should be soon....but i really need to go to the offical site...im excited!

Yeah walking dead has been super"girl power" its cool, but i feel they totally are shoving it in your face! Women are awesome, whoot...now bring on some shirtless men!! Comeon Zombies rip off some clothes...lolll.

I mean if we are going to get all role reversals, bring on some abs!!

Ladystark's picture

Oh they get on mine too!

Like im here to make friends, not buy your crap, then dump me.
I know two of the moms are only in the group to sell stuff.

One mom started becoming a fitness coach, after selling makeup was not working. So i ended up taking her off my facebook feed.
She is really fit, she has two kids, good for her, but everything she posts now is pictures of her body-sorry "results"- and want to learn more- its not so hard-just 10 minutes aday- blah blah, but she was super skinney before she went on this "fitness journey"....

Another mom she seemed down to earth, but i tried having a playdate with her 3 times, and she will only facebook message me...so i gave up.

Ill find "that mom", at some point, maybe its just not meant to be yet.

Ladystark's picture

Omg where are you!! I joined because i dont have many friends in this area, not much family, my husband is 40, im 35, soo we do not have many friends with toddlers.

I was hoping to meet someone cool, im not great with big social events, but im really trying to put myself out there!

But god some of these women make my eyesroll!

Yeah i figured id stay for the summer, mostly because i have access to events around the area.

Maybe find a new group or put her in a gym class or something

I feel i need to start a stepmom club!

Then i can have bitch about step kid night- i mean- craft night. Or "book club" lol.

Ladystark's picture

I might just have to ask her. Im not opposed to going.

I really want to do this thing called "escape room" you get locked in a room, and you have to find clues to get out, you have an hour to try.

I just wish some of the "ring leader" moms would give me more of a chance, but i dont feel up to suggesting things yet.

We have a few events coming up, ill try to approach them a little different.

Maxwell09's picture

I'm not in a moms club and I'm too much of a free spirit to join one anyhow. I have friends of friends who are a part of the whole Stay-At-Home/Homeschool group. She's always meeting up with other moms for Zoo trips and Tumble Time or on rainy days Story Time in the Local Library. Meh. It's just not how I work. I take my kid with me wherever I go and we have a blast together. Other moms would just distract me from playing with him anyway. Anytime I'm not playing with him I have errands to run, carpool run to, school lunches and brunches, field trips, gym workouts and every kind of sport practice you can fit in one season. I don't have time for friends except when I'm soaking in the tub reading Stalk. I suggest you find one mom. Invest in a friendship with her and her kid with your kid and let that be your guide for navigating the other moms. Everyone is shy so hide the resting bitch face (as my husband tells me) and put a smile on, make small talk and talk to other kids. Parents like parents who like their kids and are nice to them.

Acratopotes's picture

I would never join a mum's club..... living as a mum I really do not want to relax talking about Johnny's first diaper poo, teething, first steps, report cards... no thank you

I simply joined a art club and a gardening club, funny there's parents there as well and we never talked about the kids, every one brought their own booze and snacks and we all shared, now and again you would here a mother screaming into the garden... Sarah I told you stop that if you do it again I will smack the living daylights out of you, (this you would hear every 5 minutes from different mum's using different names but the promises was never kept lol)

Ladystark's picture

Thank you, i didnt think of looking for something im interetsed in, weird how someone else can bring it to your attention!# ill have to see what else is around here, maybe a good crochet group?

Acratopotes's picture

Wink glad I could help... just because you have a kid and you are a mum - does not mean you have to join only mummy things, dang join something you would like....

crochet group - yeah if we are a bunch of people together, camping... ladies will sit and do this around the camp fire, when kids asks, mum can I have something to eat, mum answers ask your dad lol...... and it's intact families...

I recently started taking my crossbow on trips... I don;t do the womanly groupie thing really.... SO is interested in the crossbow thing so we just shoot target with it, now a couple of guys joined us and SO's cousin bought his own... it's turning into competitions }:)

moeilijk's picture

Um, seriously? You're spending your time evaluating potential friends by their weight? What kind of friendship can you offer? I don't think I could handle being 'friends' with someone who felt my pants size was a vital factor in our relationship.

That being said, I know whereof you speak. I'm an expat SAHM with a 3 yo, so I found an English-language mom's FB group and started planning my own events. I've made a lot of connections from there. Friends are a different story - turns out all the moms I enjoy hanging out with I've met in parks or on the street. They live close enough, our kids gravitate towards each other, and mostly have similar styles for raising their kids - including going for walks together, which seems to have become a lost art. But I digress.

Good luck with your search!

Ladystark's picture

I know but its there!!

On both ends!

Im not sure i can describe what i mean.

I will hangout with anyone, but yes i do feel insecure when im around a skinny 5'3 blonde. Thats me, my issue, but i still try to get over that.

Not in this group- but my girlfriend she is 5'7 kindof chubby, she has some other big girls she hangs out with, i thought i was clicking with one of her friends.

I get her number, she will only hangout with me at my friends house. So i kind of invited myself to her house, she cancelled on me.

I told my friend that i was trying to hang with her, and asked her what was going on. she said that she didnt want me around her husband!! She felt threatened by me!! Ughh... So it happens both ways!

I mean i try not to put alot on that, but when you go to meetings its usually skinny moms in leggings on one side, preggo moms together, then the larger ladies... they probably dont even realize they do it.

Like i said i really am trying i invited one of the skinny moms to a playdate 3 times, i finally gave up.

And i tried making excuses, but she has plenty of time to meetup with the other moms, so yeah, i take it a little personally.

Ladystark's picture

By other moms i mean the skinny ones, and a few pregnant ones, i have not seen her on any playdates with the larger moms...

She only talks to us at meetings, or group activites.

moeilijk's picture

Clevergirlfriend, I disagree about 'it will happen.' A lack of social skills can indeed make someone appear overwhelming to another, but failing to apply social skills won't bring anyone into your circle. As someone who has moved from one of the country to another, and then to a new continent, I can tell you that it is hard work for even the most friendly person to meet new people for a lot of reasons - such as, most people are content with their circle of friends and have no need for new ones. Times of lifestyle change, like a major move, having a baby, (and in my case also joining expat communities) are when people are (more often) looking for new people to add to their lives.

And in my case, I REALLY NEEDED friends. I'm just not interested in superficial relationships, so there's a lot of chaff in the wheat out there for me, lol. But if I let my concerns about how other people might perceive me get in my way, I'd still be hiding under my bed.

I do a lot of social things, because basically I think it's a numbers game. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find one you click with. And sometimes the click is uncertain for a while, but it's just like dating. You make a few appointments to find out if you want to make more.

Ladystark's picture

I agree its like dating and it sucks.

I dont feel im coming on to strong, or needy, but at a certain point its either are we hanging out or not?

Like our kids are getting along, so i feel that is a great starting point.

I just want some real mommas to chat with.

Ladystark's picture

Yeah age and weight. You try not to make it a factor, but it can be.

Before i had my bs i was 26, but i looked like i just turned 19. I had a hard time with ladies at work. Im 26 working with women that were early 30s. They would exclude me on going to lunch. A few would talk down to me. Then one lady actually started to get to know me, and when i told her my age, she laughed, and it was like her whole attitude changed.

I look my age now- lol. Grey hair!!

Of course when im standing with my ss and his friends i look like im in middle school too. Ss is loving being taller than me, i love it too! Ive been putting his height to work!

Anyway...ill give this group through the summer, but ill keep on the lookout for another group, or activity.

classyNJ's picture

Don't know where your at but I'll hang with you.

I drink LOTS of beer and do painting night. Not artistic or "pinterest crafty" but a wiz with a glue gun.

I don't watch the walking dead because they have turned my love of a good zombie movie into a daytime soap that even my mother would watch. I will watch any and all horror tho.

I am very curvy Blum 3 and my DH loves me this way. All my friends are different sizes.

I work all day and don't sell anything unless I'm pushing for funds for SS's athletics. I could be queen of beef and beers!

I don't do moms clubs and as my own rule of thumb for being a SM is I stay away from the other kids' moms. Some think I'm snobby or boring but I don't care. There is one that knows me and knows why I stay away but I don't feel the need to explain to them.

I am not a BM but I do tend to discuss the SS's when I am with another mother whether step or bio. I don't discuss them with my friends that are neither. We have other fun stuff like sex and food to talk about.

**This is the first online "dating" profile I have done. Biggrin

Ladystark's picture

Beer, sextalk, food, and hotglue guns!!
Im down...move to maryland..lol.

Sorry thats fast! Dont want to seem needy...we should skype first!! Lol

Ladystark's picture

Well i was born in pg county, then moved to anne arundel county, but man if traffic was not horrible id move back to pg!!