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BM demanded we give the kids to her on thanksgiving just… because

krissykat's picture

I havn't posted in a long time because we only get the boys every other weekend so I honestly don't think about it much anymore. 

This year we have them for Thanksgiving break. Basically the paper says whenever they are released for break till they have to go back to school. They had a whole week off so we picked them up Friday and technically supposed to drop them off Sunday but their mom asked if she could have them Friday so she doesn't miss her weekend

Basically we would have dropped them off Sunday and pick them up Friday anyway. 

We blur the visitation kinda often. If family is in town or we just want them extra time or she has something going on we usually dont have issues... until..


Yesterday at about 9pm my husbands phone was going off. He has me answer her messages because he doesn't understand the way she talks (we think she has some kind of mental disorder but also have considered drugs a few times)

she said we have to drop them off Thursday (thanksgiving) at 3pm instead because they should be with "their real family on thanksgiving" 

really she just doesn't want to go to her boyfriends house and not have them to show off and take pictures.

I told my husband and he just looked at me with that "are you serious" look

he just replied saying that we can drop them off earlier on Friday but we have the whole day planned on thanksgiving trying to completely ignore the "real family" comment

she sent an extreamly long message saying that she was trying to be cordial and she "allowed" us to have them for the week and she was only asking for "part" of the holiday...

3 pm on thanksgiving is not part of the holiday... that's the main part...

she continued that we are no longer allowed to pick them up early on fridays and we have to stick to the court visitation... which is funny because we only pick them up early because she has to work and said she can't afford daycare so I organized with my work to let me off early on fridays so I could get them.

my husband laughed and just replied with a thumbs up emoji and said we will drop them off at 6 on Friday.

this is where she got the older kid (m12) involved. 

She basically told him to come in and tell his dad that he doesn't want to be with us on Thanksgiving because he wants to be with his "step family" and that it would be a good thanksgiving since it's just me and him in a small apartment.

I stayed out of it and his dad asked if that's what he wanted to do and the kid just shrugged.

half of me is tempted to just drop him off... but I'll never say that out loud.


Rumplestiltskin's picture

Oh nooo! Stick to the CO?! The horror!

Lol congrats i hope BM holds to it. You know, to punish you guys. Maybe put on a little act like you are disappointed. Then follow the heck out of the CO amd watch the drama in your life melt away. 

krissykat's picture

She is the one that changes it all the time. We schedule stuff around visits.. she makes requests to switch weekends or drop them off at different time. We just usually go with it because we don't care that much. I think over the 3 years we have been married we asked maybe twice and once she said no.

God forbid we say no because she will make some way out request and she throws a whole tantrum.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

If there's a legal CO she can tantrum all she wants. Your husband can still insist on following the CO except for urgent things like illness, work schedule variations (outside the norm, not like every day depending on the work schedule), or for vacations. My CO specified that each parent got 2 weeks of "outside the CO" vacation time per year, to be used for trips away from home, either consecutive or not. It specified that there needed to be a notice period beforehand, maybe a week or 2, i don't remember exactly. 

Harry's picture

And no more changing times, she not playing nice. 

CajunMom's picture

And I'd take her up on her "demand" of following the CO exactly as it's written. She'll be the one to "hurt" having to pay daycare now. Seriously, if the early pickups are benefitting her and she's giving you this kind of crap, get back to following the CO.

Agaboo18's picture

Your DH is not even there on Thanksgiving. He doesn't have the days off. So they are coming to spend time with you, because their dad isn't even around. So why does he even want them there?

Also BM is a drug addict?! This issue is the least of your dh's problems.


Rags's picture

"No." is a complete conversation. Though I would follow "No." with telling the kids that they are not the ones who should be bringing messages from their mom and their mom should call (DH) directy. Then tell the SKids that he is sorry that their mom is putting them in the middle.

Dad needs to keep his children clear that it is not fair for them to be used as a dumping ground for their mommy.

So, see how BM likes being smacked in the face with a rolled up copy of the visitation schedule  (figuratively or course) when she finds it to be restrictive to her fantasy life.

Our CO was clear.  They got 7wks/yr. 5Wks Summer, 1Wk Winter (Start date alternating between Even and Odd years), and 1wk Spring (they got all of Spring Break).  They also got 10days in the Fall between end of Sept and late Oct in SS's usual place of residence. They never took it once in the 16+ years of the CO.

In the CO DW was also awarded 10days of visitation in the SpermLand locale starting no sooner than the end of the second week of the SpermClan's 5wks of summer visitation.  The remainder of their 5wks to be completed following DW's 10days.  SpermGrandHag never surrendered the Skid to DW. Not once. We would engage the court when the Hag would restrain SS from spending the COd summertime 10days with his mom.  By the time the court would review our complaint, SS would be home from SpermLand Summer visitation and the court would not give a shit since the kid had been surrendered. 

So we made damned sure that any request for additional time that the Hag made was resoundingly answered with a laughing "No!".  Rather than accept the no, we always got a whiney why?. We woudldremind her of her incessent crap regarding DW's summer 10days that the Hag would ignore.  

That was invariably responded to with "It's not fair!!! We only get blah, blah, blah...."  Basic math being lost on her, pointing out that DW's 10days did not cost them any time with SS would just spin the Hag into shreeking appoplexy.  Highlighting that her refusal of DW's COd 10days was costing her any consideration of additional time with SS.  


Stick to the CO. Period. Dot.  Unless y ou can get something that you want out of it.  As the CP household, when the SpermClan refused visitation it was no issue. Our lives just continued as usual.

Tigerlily7's picture

Like others have said here STICK TO THE COURT ORDER!!! She can suck it up and get over it... and if she tries to withhold them in the future she can be held in contempt as long as you file against her. 

Keep doing what your doing and things will go smoothly don't give into her toxic mess.

Winterglow's picture

That would be a big fat no from me and I'd send her off to read the CO. If necessary I'd even quote it to her. What's the point in spending money on getting it revised if everyone ignores it?