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Why does it ALWAYS haev to be something?!?!?!?!?!!

AwesomeStepMom's picture


Why can't her(BMs) weekends ever go smoothly? She has them every other weekend and holiday rotations(court ordered)but for some reason the damn things can NEVER NEVER NEVER go smoothly.....why????? Her weekends start every other Friday at 6pm and end on Sunday at 6pm and she will be having them for Thanksgiving this year so her pick up time is supposed to be tonight at 6pm but of course she sent a text to my fiance asking if she can get them at 6:30. This has been in effect since last February and I kid you not, every weekend she either has to pick them up late or drop them off early. I CAN NOT STAND THE WOMAN!!!!!!!!!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, can't I flip her the "bird?!?!" hahaha

Pantera's picture

I think she uses that as a way to get at you guys. DH's ex wife used to do that crap until not too long ago, she called with the "Ill be late" and DH said nevermind, you can pick him up for your next visitation, we aren't doing this every week anymore, you either get here on time or you don't get him at all (but she has no court ordered visitation and my DH has sole custody so he can do that). It has stopped so far (its only been 2 months). She would say she would meet us at 1pm and then call and say make it 1:15pm then call as we were about to walk out of the door and say make it 3pm. At least yours doesn't do all of that, lol. It is completely ridiculous. Next time she calls with that, maybe say "oh we can't do 6:30, how about 7?". Inconvenience her back.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

Amazed's picture

*gulp* at the risk of starting a bitchfest here...I HAVE to give another perspective so please don't attack me.

I'm a biomom as well as a stepmom. I went through some SERIOUS issues when my son was younger (2-3yrs old). He lived with his father and his new stepmother for a short time. They lived 35minutes from where I had to move to(cheaper rent and closer to my job). I was always cancelling on my son bc I simply didn't have my head in the right place to be a good mother to him. I would bring him home early, call and make excuses for why I couldn't pick him up at all,etc...

I did NONE of this to be malicious or to ruin the stepmoms life or make their lives hard...I was just in a terrible place and couldn't face my own child. It's not always all about ruining the stepmoms life or ruining the ex's life...sometimes it is but you at least have a responsibility to recognize there are other issues that could be happening that don't involve you or you husband/SO.

My son lives with me now full time and the stepmom is no more...she walked out and never even said goodbye to her stepson...

Like I said, not trying to pick a fight or start a battle...just asking everyone to see the bigger picture as much as possible even though it's insanely frustrating dealing with a's frustrating for me as well to deal with my stepdaughters biomom but it makes it easier to try to get a full view.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

StepMadre's picture

I agree with WickedOne and I don't think anyone will take offense at your perspective. The difference between you and a lot of the BMs we all deal with is that you are on here telling strangers that you weren't perfect and that hurting the SM wasn't your goal. That alone separates you from most of the BMs on here. I think all of us SMs know that there are great BMs out there and we write and read all of the negative stuff about them because that's what this site is for. It's specifically a site for step-parents to vent. So, of course, the BM/BD perspective isn't going to be thoroughly represented. The SMs and SDs that don't have horrendous bio-parents to deal with are not on this site!

I, personally, detest and despise my BM, and for good reason, but that doesn't mean that I hate all bio-parents or lack compassion for the rough stuff they go through. That would be idiotic. I can see all perspectives. The thing is that in my case and a lot of other step-parents cases, we can tell the difference between a bio-parent that is going through things and a bio-parent that is consistently and actively trying to hurt the SM/SD and/or emotionally and psychologically harming his or her kids to get to the SM or SD. I have gone through hell and back with my BM and she has made it extremely clear that she will do anything, including hurting her own kids, to get "revenge" on me. Because I understood that she was having a hard time initially, I ignored her psychotic behavior for six months and finally had to react because her behavior was escalating to the point where I was on the verge of a restraining/no contact order. Her kids are psychologically damaged and will always have emotional problems because of the way she "parents." She is not fit or mentally sound enough to have custody of her kids and because her self image and shaky self-esteem is wrapped up in being a mother, she would never give up her custody to ensure that they have the best home life possible and is one of the most selfish and destructive people I have ever known. She is too selfish to put the kids first and that is one of the reasons why I hate and have total contempt for her. I am perfectly aware that my situation is unique and that I have an unusually nasty BM. I think that, since this is a venting site, specifically for step-parents, lots of anger and hatred is expressed towards BMs because that is what we are all dealing with. This doesn't mean that we think ALL BMs are like this or that bio-parents are inherently selfish and evil.

Again, most of us are perfectly aware of the motivations behind the BMs/BDs we are dealing with. When there is a pattern set up of long-term behavior, we get to know our bio-parent situations pretty well. My BM is blatant about her motivations and she actually gets worse when her life is going well, which I think is a huge tip-off. We can tell the difference between a bio-parent struggling with life and a bio-parent that is obviously trying to lash out and not caring if his or her kids get hurt in the process. There are horrendous step-parents out there too, and I'm sure there are venting sites specifically for bio-parents with awful SMs/SDs in their lives. To clarify, I have gone through a lot in my personal situation with BM and I vent all my anger and frustration on this site. This doesn't mean that I am against all BMs, just mine. I think it is an understood thing that when people are bitching about a BM situation that they are excluding regular BMs from the rant. We are all human and make mistakes, that doesn't make us good or evil bio-parents or step-parents. The behavior written about on this site usually goes way past normal into the very upsetting range. There is a huge difference between a BM who realizes that she can't give enough to her kids because she is going through a rough time and a BM who maliciously makes her kids cry every day in an effort to upset her ex and his wife. Big difference and I think we all realize that.

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde