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krissykat's picture

So when school started they weren't supposed to be here at durring the week. And only be here every other weekend. That for some reason changed to me being required to take them to and from school because she never picks them up... ever... on Saturday she does.... for the night. Picks them up 8pm drops them back off 2pm the next day.

I honestly wouldn't care that much if I wasn't paying her money every month to take care of them...

she claimed she spent 400 dollars on new clothes backpacks and school stuff however they have 2 shirts and two pants each... which at Walmart the same brand is 5 dollars for the shirt and 5 for the pants... math that's 40. The backpacks are obviously off brand dollar store so let's be generous and say 30. She only got one of them shoes and they are knock off vans bought at the dollar store... 10 dollars for the same pair (yes I looked) and school supplies? Pack of cheap mechanical pencils 1$ 2 binders 2 pencil cases the knock off crayons(yes not even crayola come on.... they were only 25 cents more) so total I'd say 100 bucks. Oh and 10 dollar haircuts.

I bought them lunch boxes because school lunch was apperently some new age vegan crap and they give them pretty much nothing

i bought them water bottles

i have been taking care of haircuts

i have been waking them up every morning because my husband works getting them ready packing their lunch signing their books making them breakfast

and I don't mind doing it, but where is the mother in all this? Making excuses

"I was tested for COVID 15 times this week so I'm being quarenteened" saw the b at Walmart all dressed up with her boyfriend.... 

next week "oh I worked late all week I couldn't pick them up" you work at a 9-5 doctors office as a receptionist .... trust me I checked.

then she claims she works every weekend too at some clothing store. 

what I'm asking is, what can I do about not getting screwed in this situation. Everytime I tell her to pick up her damn kids it's a fight. I'm over it I just want full custody so I don't have to pay her for absolutely nothing 


Winterglow's picture

Tell her that as from now, you will be charging the going rate for babysitting, payable in advance.  If she balks, make sure you are not there when she tries to drop them off. Her child minding problem is not yours to solve. Let her take them to work with her or leave them with her bf. Not your problem. Stand up for yourself! 


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

the days and times the children are at your house when they are supposed to be with BM. It is ridiculous that your DH is paying child support based on her having them all except every other weekend, but in reality you are having them much more than that. She either needs to figure out her children's care on her time or the CO and child support needs to be corrected to reflect the new changes.

Definitely not your problem to be dealing with this!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Stop doing all of this NOW. These children are NOT your responsibility.

The PARENTS are responsbile for ALL transportation or they PAY someone to do that.

The PARENTS are responsible for clothes, lunchboxes, water bottles, etc.

The PARENTS are responsible for taking THEIR children to medical appointments, haircuts, etc.

Your DH can set his alarm 5 minutes earlier to get their butts out of bed.


What would your DH do if you were not there to do all of these things? 

  • Do them himself
  • Hire someone to help
  • Leave them with BM


And if their mother is quarantined while they are with her, they should be quarantined, too.

krissykat's picture

He works construction 1am to 5pm everyday. He is not my problem because he's doing his best. It's the b that likes to dictate everything that goes on in my house when her kids openly say they don't like her and cry when she picks them up

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I'm going by what you wrote "my husband works getting them ready packing their lunch signing their books making them breakfastwhich sounds like he is there in the morning. My apologies. 

If she only has them Saturday night, it certainly sounds like your DH needs to go after full custody. Document everything. 

However, the parents are responsible for the expenses of their children. Not you. Is your DH unable to afford lunchboxes and water bottles? My DH's CS was so high, he could not afford to eat at McDonald's. No exaggeration. I knew this and knew that if I wanted to go out to eat somewhere, I would have to pay the bill. If I wanted to take him and the skids somewhere (aside from free events and outdoorsy stuff), I had to pay. It was my choice; not an obligation. 

But honestly, he needs to go for custody.

krissykat's picture

We have been struggling since they raised it to 800 a month when he got his new job. He tried to argue that they were always with us but the CS office ignored him and said because of COVID there was nothing they could do. 

they said since she filed for raising cs and we didn't fight it until after it was already getting taken out of his check (how could we have if we didn't know until one day his paycheck was a lot less than it was supposed to be) there was nothing they could do. She said document when they are with you but didn't even give me a reason why it would matter because they won't adjust it

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I doubt CS does anything unless they have a court order to change. You should document everything regardless. And it might be helpful when going after full custody. Others would be better able to let you know what might/might not help.

simifan's picture

I disagree. Your DH is the problem. He is allowing you to do the work he is paying BM for. He needs to make a change in custody or insist she do the job he is paying her for. 

Harry's picture

Not your kids. Not your responsibility. Let BM and DH figure it out.  They did not need your help in making SK. They figure that out themselves.  Let that continue.  No more taxi driver.   Your DH wants to work those hours, pay CS. And make you do the work because they don't want to make changes in there life's 

ndc's picture

Tell BM if she'd like to sign a new custody agreement to be filed with the court that reflects the current arrangement, you'll continue it. If not, let her know that going forward  she'll need to be fully responsible for the kids during her CO'd time and you are no longer available for free babysitting and taxi service. Just say no.

Thumper's picture

That for some reason changed to me being required to take them to and from school because she never picks them up.


Who told you that YOU had to do this? ^^^Who made the change?



still learning's picture

but where is the mother in all this? Making excuses

Your real question should be, "but where is the father in all of this?"  Why does your DH get a pass in all of this while BM does not?  As others have pointed out, DH and BM are the parents and should be doing parental duties. Anything you do should be considered a favor or a bonus. You should not be required to pick up their slack.  

Can't DH take them to get haircuts and buy them water bottles?  You're choosing to make their lunches since you don't like what the school is serving.  As for trying to tally up what she's using child support for, custodial parents don't have to account for how they use CS. You're causing yourself unnecessary grief.  

I would caution against going for full custody. It is extremely difficult and expensive to change custody, and do you really want the skids there full time?  Dad seems happy to pawn them off on you during his time, is that what you really want?