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Finally Explained Myself

justperfectlyflawed's picture

From previous posts I have admitted/explained that I moved from a different state, living alone, came and went places as I pleased to living with my boyfriend and 3/4 of the time his 3 kids are with us. I can still come and go when I please but I am not alone--and not anywhere close to family and friends.....AND still looking for a job so I am out of my comfort zone 200% if not more.

I moved because we discussed our relationship becoming more serious---and for that to happen--I chose to move. He couldn't. He has 3 little kids he doesn't want to never see again because of his bitch ex. So, I compromised---and continue to---but he meets me halfway in general.

I think he has a decent understanding of how out of sorts I feel...and how I get very anxious/grumpy/frazzled when the kids are around for an entire weekend or longer because I can't "pick and choose" when to have visitors...(them) in my house. I can not make them leave---they are part of the family.

***This past weekend we had the kids. We were going to visit his mother who lives about 30 minutes or so away--in the country and it was getting a bit dark out. The kids listen to me about 25% of the time. A perfect example was that day. I asked them to get their shoes on and we would be leaving in 5 minutes. I tell my boyfriend (who is sitting in the living room) that I am going to change my shirt then we can leave.

I walk out of our bedroom and the kids are still playing and watching TV. (They never got shoes on) So, I asked AGAIN and their father did too...they ignored both of us. Now, my dear boyfriend--lets a lot of things slide....he is very patient and he wants the kids to be kids---but he is still LEARNING that I am not always so patient..AND I do not like being ignored/disrespected by anyone---including his precious kids.

So, I walked over and turned off the TV. The zombies started to complain. I then said "I am walking out the is getting dark...if you want to come---grab your shoes and put them on NOW!" --no movement..just whining-- So finally my boyfriend said "Come on kids--listen to her, you all need to stop being rude..she asked you 3 times already." MORE complaints..whines...

I started getting really annoyed....and my boyfriend and I ended up bickering about what food to bring.
He then quipped up (which he normally does not do) and said "Then don't go..when they get ready I can take them." I went into our bedroom and shut the door.

I was there maybe 30 seconds and I walked back into the living room...and sat down in the middle of the room on a chair. I wanted to explain myself...but my boyfriend was mad and ignoring me. I called all 3 kids into the room and they all ran off....On purpose. (they think it is funny to hide from adults) so their father called them and they stayed hidden..(behind a door...under the kitchen table and in the bathroom) We could see all 3 of them....

I then said "See...this is a PERFECT example of none of you listening to me or your father...and I am sick of this...sick of you all doing whatever you want..NOT anymore... This is my house...this is your Fathers house..and we are not going to be ignored and disrespected anymore.....that is when their dad said "GET IN HERE NOW!" and the girls slowly came in the room but not my step son. (he was behind the door)

Most of the time the girls listen...but my step son doesn't...he is a rude shit head and he never listens...he just stands there with a crappy look on his face like he just sniffed a turd...(his mother has the same look on her face often) He is by far the worst....with most anything...He gets mad if he is told no..if he is told to do anything (even if its something fun but he is just in a "mood" he is just mad) He doesn't talk much either so counseling does not work....he just needs an attitude adjustment.

I understand I should of just let things be and go visit his mother on my own.....but I also wanted to talk to the kids in general...and it seemed to be a perfect time...

I started explaining to the kids and their father that I get overwhelmed....and I am trying so hard to adapt to my life with a new home..etc. I started to cry and the girls both started to hug me and console me.... I explained to them that I am not always a crazy lady--and that I really do love all of them...but that they need to understand that I am new to all of this and when I get grumpy or annoyed...that I do have to go into my bedroom or leave the house and take some time with myself....

I never thought to tell them how I felt--because they are children. But I realized they are old enough to know...and they understood me more once I laid it all out for them.

The girls went and put on their shoes and apologized to me. My stepson put on his shoes and walked outside..saying nothing. (as usual) My boyfriend hugged me and apologized too--he said he was glad I told the kids how I felt..and that it also made him understand why I get crazy sometimes around the kids.

Are the kids still going to be kids? Yeah---but I noticed the rest of the weekend that they listened more...and they were more respectful towards me and their father. My step son even was for a while...until he got mad again about dinner selection. Sad

I am adapting--and was told by my eldest girl that she would work on "training me" to be a good mom for her..which got me to laugh. I just have to let them know how I feel..I have to be straightforward...because it makes a lot more sense to everyone than me walking around like a mad hatter.


hereiam's picture

A little communication can go a long way. These situations are big adjustments for kids and they need to be talked to about it and feel included, not just expected to "be ok" with it. Yes, divorce and blended families are very common these days but that doesn't mean it's not hard for these children.

justperfectlyflawed's picture

I agree!