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BMs ring

justperfectlyflawed's picture

I have a situation....

My dear Boyfriend.....has both of his Ex-Wives rings. Yhe original engagement ring (that the stone fell out of) and the 10yr Anniversary/Wedding 4ct diamond ring to replace the old one....She threw her newer ring at him during a fight when she was caught with someone else. He kept it and found it in a mini drawer while looking for a tool in his tool box.

Anyway--on our trip to see his of his aunts manages or owns the jewelery store he purchased the rings from. We brought the 4ct diamond one with us to find out from his aunt about what it is worth, to get it clean and get any paperwork on it. (We are going to try and sell it..or trade it in for something else later)

Somehow the Skids saw the ring and knew it was their mothers ring....and then they got this idea that we were going to sell the ring back. (Which you can do but not for full price)---Well, their dad said it was safe and to not worry about it. And we never heard a word from any kid the rest of the trip.

We went into the mall and asked my boyfriends sister to take the kids shopping...then we went into the store and his aunt said the store still sells that exact ring and it is worth more $ now and so on. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage...for the future...and I want it to be thought out by him, his on..a surprise to me. (He had a rough 1st marriage...I do not want to rush him) We are still in limbo with the kids adjusting also..but they really want us to get married...they ask often.

so the kids are wondering why we are at the store....and his sister or the eldest SD remembers the ring.
So--now...they are confused about the ring..and when we all left the mall (with the paperwork and ring cleaned and put in a box in my purse) they kept asking what we were doing in the store and where was "Mommys ring"

Their dad once again told them we were just visiting with his Aunt and then changed the subject to what they bought at the mall. (bows, rubber balls and candy)

the trip ends..we go home

Yesterday, I was unpacking my luggage in our bedroom. We had my 2 SD's with us that evening and they wanted to lay in my bed and talk to me. I did not care if they did this but I had forgotten where my boyfriend put the ring box. (he is home, in the kitchen cooking dinner)

I pulled out clothes to hang them up and the box fell on top of the bed. I grabbed the box and the girls eyes opened real wide and they smiled. They both said "What is in the box?" I said "A present" they started to giggle and said "Let us see!" --At that moment I felt it was 1. none of their business and 2.did not want to upset them because I had their mother's ring. So I said, "No, it is for your daddy" and I put it in a drawer and closed it.

I could see my eldest SD's mind working--she was going to get in the I told both of them to go help their daddy and after a little bit of bickering they left my room. I shut the bedroom door and went to move the box. I heard them outside my door giggling and the doorknob wiggle so I locked it and then proceeded in re-hiding the ring box.

4 hours pass...we ate dinner..I cleaned up, the girls went back to their BMs and my Boyfriend tells me "The girls think we are getting married" I said "Why?" so he told me they asked him when I shut the bedroom door about it and he said "No, we aren't getting married anytime soon"

He tells me he does not want to confuse them like their BM does--(she got engaged..then said she was preggers..then was not engaged..and not preggers and now she is engaged again...but this is also the woman that cheated on her husband..kicked him out and had the new man move into the house with the kids)--talk about fucked up!

I took offense to that--once again he did not see the "comparison" So--he wants me to show them the ring tonight and explain that we just got it cleaned and that we are not getting married. That is fine but I know they are going to ask why I have the ring...and a million other questions when I find it is none of their business what I do in my bedroom, with any kind of box from my luggage. I even told him I could put something else in the box...they have no idea what is in the box because they never SAW the box before..he said he did not want to "deepen" the lie.. I said "Um ok"

He got mad (which is rare but happens) and slammed down his fists telling me to "Do whatever the hell I wanted but he didn't like lying to his kids" so as he walked out of the house (at 2am) I said "I am not going to explain myself to your nosy children, nor am I going to feel guilty so you figure it out yourself"

So--was I wrong? Should I explain the ring? if they see their moms old ring..they will get upset..I KNOW this....and if we are going to get engaged/married one day..why can't we just leave it be?

These skids lie to him all the time...and he is lenient... what I have in our bedroom is not their business...regardless if they are in there or I right or wrong?


stormabruin's picture

No doubt, telling children it was "a present" intrigued them. Presents are exciting.

Clarify that you're not engaged to be married. Don't mention the box. If they ask about it, take the ring out & put something else in it. Show them & be done with it.

How old are these kids?

Unfreakingreal's picture

My question is why'd you guys do this stuff when the kids were around? Anything I want to do that I don't want the SD to know about, I make sure I do on the weekends she's not at our house.

ThatGirl's picture

I'd put something else in the box and gift it to him in front of the girls, then call it done. At some point, he needs to explain to them that "Mommy's" ring is no longer hers. She gave it back to him to do with as he pleases... Sell it, save it, or give it back to her, but it's none of their concern.

Jsmom's picture

Honestly, you should just tell him to sell it. End the discussion. He puts the money in his account. So when the time comes, nothing of your ring is associated with hers. Creepy....

justperfectlyflawed's picture

Nodoormat..... We discussed living apart..but in the same town and that is how it was occurring. It took a year to introduce the kids to me slowly--and that was good for all of us. the skids are confused enough..we did not want to jump into anything like living together in the same bed, etc. But, sadly the Midwest sucks with the job market and it was more economical for us to live under one roof. Other than the living together..we are not having premarital sex and we also talked to the children prior to moving together..they wanted Daddy to be happy and missed me when I was away so--that is how it goes for now.

Unfreakingreal & stormabruin....I wanted to do the ring talk, with his aunt and stuff ALONE is their fathers fault to start with....He let them see the ring not expecting tears from them...and it just seems to of snowballed from there. We were also on vacation (where his aunt lives/works) and we did not have anyone to technically watch the children--his sister came along last minute. I plan everything out and my SO does if I could go back and change it...I would...because it is so confusing for them now. Sad

Thatgirl-- That was my solution last night--I have several rings and a unisex ring I was going to put in the box and show them--that it was Indeed a present for their daddy. but he seemed to nix that. I really think, because he is non confrontational- he won't do shit about it tonight..but if he does..he can do it alone. He is the one that got into this mess.

Jsmom--Agreed 150%....I do not want ANYTHING to do with his Ex or their shared possessions.. When BM gave the kids a box of "china" for their dad and the skids put the champagne glasses (from their wedding) in my curio cabinet I waited til they went to their BM and then smashed them. I also reboxed some things for them to have when they are older..and put in storage..I don't need that crap.
Skids never saw the missing stuff either.

BSgoinon's picture

I don't understand why anyone has to explain anything to kids. They are kids. When something comes up that the kids don't need to hear about... I tell them "it's adult stuff and none of your business".

I understand being sensitive about their mothers ring but at some point kids need to be reminded that they are THE KIDS, we are the adults.

justperfectlyflawed's picture

I agree

Great Mom but horrified Stepmom's picture

I agree with pretty much everyone above. Naturally the kids are curious and no matter that the ring is now back in their Dad's hands, in their eyes, it is their Mom's ring. Also, not to be rude but why do you have it? Why doesn't their Dad have the ring put away somewhere?

I'd sell it too. Why keep it? Ick.

herewegoagain's picture

Why did anyone even tell the kids it was their mom's ring? it is NOT their mom's ring is THEIR DAD's ring...geez...Tell them all to mind their own business, tell your boyfriend to sell the darn ring.

justperfectlyflawed's picture

BSgoing on--- Yes Yes Yes-- I told my SO that last night also.."This is an adult situation.that YOU put us in Why do I need to explain anything to them..they are kids..and I will NOT explain myself to them..EVER" ...if they want to ask why or whatever..get over it... as kids..we heard it too!

Great mom/herewego-- My SO/BF put the ring in my luggage bag.---this is all boiling down to his mistake. I did not know where he put the ring box...and it ended up on the bed--in front of the SD's. My SO/BF is forgetful..he did have it put away and found it almost 2 years later..he is going to sell it...and that is that...maybe soon--maybe is his deal..not mine. (I have made it clear)

Thanks everyone for comments..... Smile