What a surprise - the inlaws stood us up again pt 3
Blog hogging today. So DH can sometimes see his parents behavior is unfair and wrong. But then he will question it and keep asking well why would they? And do your parents treat them the same? I'm assuming looking for confirmation that they're behavior is really that bad (or maybe not that bad idk).
Not sure how to break through that - especially when they here and there give him a little hope that they're going to act better.
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At this point if your DH
At this point if your DH still isn't seeing it or accepting it for what it is you can only control you. I think I would just say, "I'm sorry you are struggling to see your parent's/sister's behavior for what it is but I WILL NO LONGER ALLOW MY CHILDREN to be treated this way and I WILL NOT let them play games with MY FAMILY". You have to protect yourself, your sanity and your kids. It is OBVIOUS that his parents are playing favorites and it will become obvious to your young children when they get older too. My MIL is a stupid idiot that favors SD and doesn't treat ODS like a gkid therefore I don't force my ODS to visit her or pretend to like her. If my family treated SD differently than all of th other gkids I'm sure my DH wouldn't make her visit them or spend time with them either.
I'm sure he has spent a
I'm sure he has spent a lifetime of being marginalized by his parents, taught to accept it as normal but now an "outsider", you have pointed out the obvious and he has to now accept a new reality based on truth and not gaslighting from is parents. He needs therapy to sort this out. IMO
I would agree with this.
I would agree with this. Theres no way he will ever go to therapy though
Okay, this has my neck hairs up
and I'm gonna need to nut-punch somebody. Probably your DH.
YOU are not the problem. DON'T fall for being made out to be the bad guy and allow yourself and your boundaries and good sense to be cast as "bad guy."
Definitely point out to your DH (if it's true) that your parents do not make extra efforts to exclude SD, they don't only show up when your bios are around, they don't call specifically try to set up time just for the bios...or if they do a little, it's not all the time. This isn't about who is and who isn't the bad guy. This is about doing what's best for the family as a whole and at this point they all are the bad guys and you are the good guy because you are the only one trying to do what's best for the family as a whole.
Your DH is the "bad guy" for not setting boundaries with his parents, for not pointing out to them that they have other grandchildren who need similar attention, that they are rude for focusing soley on SD, and for not being with you in your marriage. What the hell is he demonstrating to his kid?
I've been "the bad guy" and moreso that the skids, my DH has assumed I'm the bad guy. (Really, ask yourself, who identifies you as the bad guy when this all happens? DHs parents? SD? Or is it DH and he throws you under the bus?)
A few years ago within the same week both DH and XH used me as the scapegoat and "bad guy" to tell OSS/YSS and DS why they couldn't do something...a something that had never been run by me and that I knew nothing about. It came up when they were all mad at me and it was obvious to the three kids that I had no idea what was going on. I told DH and XH that I was okay being the bad guy but only when *I* choose to be the bad guy, and to cut it the f- out.
Thank you, it does help to
Thank you, it does help to hear I'm not the bad guy. Just to clarify - they are actually discriminating against their OWN bio grandkids (my youngest 2 are DHs) and are favoring SD over them. And no my parents and grandparents definitely don't do that. They have a tiny bit with SD after seeing how favored she was and me telling them how lopsided everything is, but they're still generally nice and fair.
As far as who is making me out to be the bad guy - MIL for sure, probably SIL too. With DH its interesting because when he talks to someone else about it hes totally on my side, but with me hes back and forth and half the time tries to make me out to be the issue and half the time agreed with me.
And is that someone else
His own parents and sibling? If not then when he's talking to someone else it's all piss and wind. And if he's wishy washy with you, too, he's just trying to see who will give first so he doesn't have to take a stand either way.
He does have my back when
He does have my back when talking to them. Which to me says he does know that what I'm saying is true. Usually his go to is just to ignore everyone altogether though.