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Two things I've learned from steplife

Jcksjj's picture

1. How important boundaries are (and what they are). Still working on effectively implementing them.

2. To live my life for myself and not other people. And by that I mean they're judgments. Also still working on effectively implementing this one, but a big part of it is instead of changing my life/values for other people, changing the people I interact with and the degree to which I interact with them.


JRI's picture

I learned not to make any judgments until I'd heard all sides.  In the early years, I leaped to my bios defense.  Painfully, I learned to hear all sides before acting.

It was easy to ascribe evil intent to my SKs.  That wasn't often the case.  They had been brought up differently, more boisterous and aggressive, but they weren't bad kids.  And, they were just youngsters having to adjust to a divorce, a new stepmom and my 2 bios.  Im sure it was hard to feel they were sharing their beloved dad with 2 other kids.

The Neverending Story's picture

Yes definitely having boundaries.

Standing up for myself is a good thing.

Saying 'no' without guilt is good.

Saying 'no' without guilt and then not letting anyone come back later and lay on a nice thick layer of guilt also good.

Remembering that just because someone says this or that does not necessarily make it true. Or make them right.

When something feels wrong it probably is and back to standing up for myself and saying NO without guilt.

If someone says or does things that make another person feel bad that is just not ok. Not ok that they say/do that, not ok for me to just take it either.

Living in chaos and letting someone crush my spirit...well just not ok.

Oh the list could go on for days Wink

Not that I can do all these things every day, all the time yet. It's tough stuff to change how we do things, how we think and feel. But even just working on it, doing best i can with it is miles from where I once was. It's a long journey but makes for a much better life!!  And the more I can do these things the easier they are to do. Practice doesn't make perfect but does make better Smile

Just keep going!!