SDs new attitude
SD has been unusually perky and friendly the last 2 weeks that she has been at our house (minus a couple small incidents last week). Much kinder to my kids than she ever has and interacted with YDS on her own briefly for the first time ever. Like the complete opposite of usual. I cant remember a time in the last at least 2 years that she has been here and acting like this. It started with me telling her we were building a new house and all of a sudden her usual sullen attitude did a 180 and shes been much happier and especially when we leave the house for potential buyers to come look at the house we are moving out of. I feel like i should be feeling optimistic about it, but instead I'm finding it offputting and confusing...
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Beware the seduce and reject
Beware the seduce and reject cycle.
For years my SD would be nice one visit and a monster the next. I kept engaging because of those few good times.
In the end, I disengaged. I could not stand her moods or cycles or whatever it was that caused radically different treatment from her from one visit to the next.
In the end, I decided SD was nice every once in a while so that her father would throw that in my face when I questioned her bad behavior toward me on all the other occasions. And that's exactly how it played out. I'd say, "What's with SD? She sent a postcard here addressed only to you and sent a Christmas gift only for you and didn't even send a card." He'd say, "She just forgot to put your name on the gift." The gift was a men's sweater. WTF?
This became an endless cycle of me seeing all SD's slights toward me, and him reminding me of the few occasions when SD was pleasant -- even if they were YEARS earlier. These little arguments about SD's uneven behavior always became all out fights.
And then it hit me. This was a very coordinated campaign by SD to show her father she was playing nice, but really getting in her digs in ways that he wouldn't see if he weren't looking.
I hope your SD is making a good turn. But beward of that seduce and reject cycle. It's mind boggling and you'll think you're going crazy!
The sweater thing made me
The sweater thing made me laugh. Reminds me of the time SD made up having a headache and when I asked her where it hurt she say there for a minute thinking and then pointed to the side of her head right above her ear (never heard of a headache there) and tylenol mysteriously made it go away instantly. DH claimed she probably just wasnt able to point to the right spot on her head....uh okay.
MIL and BM both have that cycle. I hate dealing with either of them because you never know which extreme mood you're going to get at any given time. And when they are being "nice" I still dont want to deal with them because its not like I've forgotten the other extreme. But to them everything is just fine because they are over whatever were raging about before. DH does the same thing with the using when SD is nice to invalidate the negative experiences with her. To a certain extent with MIL also but he also gets fed up dealing with her.
Yes, that sweater was surely
Yes, that sweater was surely not big enough for my husband AND me!
The seduce and reject thing is also my sister's tactic. I think it's just best to back away and be polite when you have no choice but to interact with them. Ugh.
We met up with MIL this
We met up with MIL this weekend and for some reason she was extremely over the top friendly and happy also what the heck. Maybe it's the weather putting everyone in a better mood but I still dont enjoy someone who has been as nasty as her just because she feels like being nice in the moment.
If your SD is anything like
If your SD is anything like mine, and I think she is, her VIP status is everything. It will all come crashing down when she discovers the new house doesn't include a Royal Throne Room, just for her.
I could see that. It's not an
I could see that. You're not wrong, she definitely is into the VIP status thing. She might be disappointed that her room is exactly the same as DS room across the hall since its not unique and special to her. She is really good at convincing herself in her mind though why shes still special or why her things are better lol.
It's not an insanely huge or fancy house but I think since it's much bigger and nicer than what we have now (and the crappy apartment her mom lives in) and she will have her own room (which she doesnt either at our current house or at her moms) she will be happy with it for awhile and then the newness will wear off and it will be back to the same attitude as usual. I could totally see her being disappointed though that all the furniture we have now is going downstairs in the rec room where all the older kids gaming equipment and stuff will be and that she still won't have her own bathroom. Itll be interesting to see how it plays out.