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I'm "stealing" DH from his family.

Jcksjj's picture

We had DHs best friend and his wife over last night, and found out crazy SIL had been messaging the friends wife and trying to turn them against us. She told the wife that I was trying to take DH away from their family and detailed how horrible we supposedly are to SD. SIL said that last time SD was at our house, SD had to call her mom to come get her because SD was uncomfortable that DH threatened to turn off the wifi because that's her connection to her mom.

I have a previous blog about that incident, but to sum it up SD is allowed to use the tablet we have at our house to email her mom and she can as much as she wants. However, our tablet doesn't have tiktok. SD had previously told us she didn't like being at our house because she likes the tablet better at her moms because she can talk to people (strangers) on it. That, combined with inappropriate things she was trying to access on the internet, led to DH telling her she can't use her moms tablet here, only the one we have parent controls on. SD knew this and brought her tablet from her mom's anyway. When DH told her she can either go set it by the door or he'll have to turn off the wifi to it, she ran into the bathroom and called her mom screaming and crying to come get her. Her mom came and got her and she has refused to talk to DH since. I should add, when this all happened SD was only planning on staying 3 hours. So the whole needing contact with her mom was ridiculous, and things her mom was messaging were inappropriate, but we still 100% allowed her a way to contact her mom.

I think the way DHs sister was talking about him sums up how they view him. As their possession with no thoughts or feelings of his own. He couldn't possibly be happily married or making the choice to stop seeing them on his own, I must be controlling him. 

Also have other blogs detailing the incidents with MIL and her quest for control over her sons life, but the big trigger for her rage was that she had to share holidays with my family. In particular, we went to my grandparents for Thanksgiving 3 years ago because we went to her house the year before. After that, war was declared and starting with that Christmas SD was used as a pawn to try to drive a wedge between DH and I. Since then there's been constant attempts at manipulation and trashing us (particularly me) to anyone they can. They've turned most of DHs family on his moms side against us. It's insanity. Luckily, DHs best friend called bullshit on it right away and said he knows thats not who DH is. It's sad that his family members aren't able to do the same.


Ispofacto's picture


Well, at least that should remove any lingering doubts you might've had...


Jcksjj's picture

It's funny you say that, because that's exactly what I said last night. I had always suspected that was their narrative, that I was the bad guy controlling DH, and now we know for sure.

Jcksjj's picture

That was another thing SIL was telling friends wife about. My other SIL had sent us a card for SD, and since SD only visited for a few hours after we received it and there was a ton of drama while she was there we forgot to give her the card. Crazy SIL made it sound like we did it on purpose. 

As far as gifts from us, we'll, we certainly aren't mailing anything to BMs house or going to indulge the emotional manipulation going on by sending SD gifts.

Harry's picture

You must disengage from his family. Any one spreading nonsense about me. Will never set foot in my home. Or I in there's .  You didn't start it. But you will finish it.  SD is lost nothing you can do about it. 

Jcksjj's picture

100 percent agree. We have nothing to do with DHs family at this point, except some of the extended relatives who haven't gotten involved. 

strugglingSM's picture

So many similarities, including skid who claims to be uncomfortable, fireworks for not allowing BM to text and call 24/7 (because texts were being used to complain about our home following harpy screams from BM about how skids hate being at our house), screaming and crying over reasonable restrictions to technology, and family members (in this case BIL) who insist on being involved to "save" the children. In our case, BIL worked with BM to reduce DH's time at mediation and when DH called him out and told him BM was lying and he was being manipulated, BIL replied, "I don't think I'm being manipulated. BM is a good person and you're just at war with her." Um, why does he assume that DH is the aggressor when he's known both for years and should know that DH is a pushover and BM is a histrionic banshee? But, you can fix stupid. BIL doesn't know I hate him, but I avoid being around him. BIL's wife (Silent SIL) has talked to me once in seven years....because she is still bitter about DH's divorce that happened over a decade ago. At least that's what I assume because the one time she talked to me she told me that she didn't think DH should have gotten a divorce (she seems to forget that DH didn't want a divorce and fought against it "for the sake of the children" even though he was miserable with BM). With family like this...who needs enemies.

SeeYouNever's picture

I don't get the family members that hold grudges about someone else's divorce. I have a SIL like this, she hasn't gotten over DHs divorce even though she knows it was due to BM cheating. She acts like she is the broken child of divorce. Go to therapy already, I think my SD has gotten over it better than this SIL!

My SIL isn't married but when I encounter people who are married and disapprove of someone's divorce or remarriage it is usually because of their own issues and insecurities in their marriage. Some people feel very threatened when they see a family member that is able to divorce and move on and it makes them worried that their spouse is going to see that people can rebuild better and happier lives after divorce.

strugglingSM's picture

I don't get it either...and I've thought the same thing about Silent SIL - that her marriage must be pretty unhappy if she is unable to move on from a divorce that happened over a decade ago that has absolutely no bearing on her life.

I also think there's a certain level of immaturity to being unable to acknowledge the fact that you never know what someone else's relationship is like and it's not your place to determine if they should end it or not. 

Jcksjj's picture

Wth is wrong with these people? Why do they get so involved in others lives?

And is uncomfortable the key word they teach skids or what?

TrueNorth77's picture

I love when kids freak out over restrictions to electronics or anything they just don't want to do and the other parent turns you into a monster for it. I just can't with these BM's. Crazy does that here too- her favorite is that DH "doesn't spend time with skids" because he sends them outside to play or to friends houses. Um...he has told SD to go outside or find a friend to play with a handful of times because she will sit in her dark room the ENTIRE day otherwise, and yes she sometimes goes to friends houses! That's what kids do, How do you even try to turn that into a bad thing? 

The constant fighting against it is exhausting- DH and I think there may come a time where SD completely goes team Crazy and doesn't want much to do with either of us. She already seems to be mostly done with me. 

Jcksjj's picture's we basically can't actually parent because it's "mean." 

Not happening, if BM wants to raise her like that she can keep her there and deal with the consequences. My kids aren't raised like that and SD isn't getting special princess treatment for refusing to come over. 

Survivingstephell's picture

DH got attacked and shoulder broke when he took OSD's phone away. She jumped him over it. She was 16 at the time , texting with BM and getting very disrespectful. He did what any good parent would do and tried to parent.  He ended up having to have surgery and lost time from work over it all.  OSD never had any consequences, in fact got rewarded by BM for doing this.  YSS was there too and got a knife from the sink and went after DH too.  A reall sh!t show.   When it comes to HCBM's and electronics the sooner you put hard rules in place the better IMO.  Kids get bat sh!t crazy over them and their mothers support that craziness.  

strugglingSM's picture

Whoa! That's outrageous! SS always threatens to "fight" DH. I think if he ever did, I would call the cops and have him arrested...

SeeYouNever's picture

Our situations are so similar. I'm sure I get blamed for my DH cutting his family off. They were the ones that are constantly causing drama and trying to drive a wedge between him and SD. Very rarely do we get to  see SD without them meddling in it. It's like they don't trust us with SD like we are going to abuse her like Cinderella or something. Part of the reason we see SD so infrequently these days is because they talk to her and try to invite themselves whenever we get her acting like a chaperone.

I think my in-laws are nosy and meddlesome. They exclude me whenever possible even when planning to visit my house. They know I will call them out on their BS so they leave me out. I had to point out to my DH what they were doing but after he realized that they were selectively excluding me he had my back. I'm sure they think much the same way as you're in-laws and that I am just controlling him. It's pretty sexist to assume that a man can make no decisions on his own without his wife.

It would be really good for our family if we had time with just SD. But my sil always tries to get in the middle and she gets through to BM and SD better than we do so this is what happens. BM and SD love the drama and pretending of their life is some sort of soap opera or reality show. 

When my in-laws or SD are over they are on their phones constantly posting selfies on social media, it's not even anything interesting. Posting to social media on occasion is fine if you are doing something or going somewhere or made something. But all they do is post selfies and try to look cute. Like the only contribution they have to the world is to stick out their tongue and filter their face. Why even visit if you're glued to a phone? So you can have our house as a new background? 





strugglingSM's picture

My MIL is the same way. She is always making plans with SSs on DH's weekend, including plans to come to our home without saying anything to either me or DH. Once she even showed up at our home to meet BM. She didn't tell either me or DH, but both skids knew about it. Then she has the nerve to complain to SSs that DH and I never invite her over...why would we, since she clearly doesn't respect our boundaries.

MissK03's picture

Of course you are.. only reason these controlling enmeshed women seem to find for their obsession over DH and you.

Rags's picture

If these toxic female family members in DH's clan don't cool their jets they may find that they are no longer DH's family.


Jcksjj's picture

That's pretty much what has happened. DH wants nothing to do with his mom and sister, although he is sad about how it's ruined his relationship with his dad.