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SD10 and Cell Phone

Dogmom1321's picture

Last year for SD9 birthday, BM got her a cellphone. Did not discuss with DH. He found out when she texted SD during our week and said "look what just came in the mail!" 

BM does not do screen time or monitor apps on her phone. 

DH totally disagrees and thinks SD shouldn't be on TikTok. He found some inappropriate videos of her on there. Cussing along with songs. She used explicit versions and not the clean version. Also, her profile is Public. DH let BM know he didin't think it was appropriate for 1, her to be on there and 2. making those kinds of videos. BM responded that she just wants her daughter "to be herself, whatever that may be"

Same week... when SD was at BMs, she texted me from her phone. BM flipped out saying it "distracts SD from her custody time" and that she forbid her from calling or texting me. 

After the whole TikTok and dictating who she can/can't call, DH told her the phone was not allowed at our house. Period. If she allows her on TikTok, so be it, but it won't be at our house. BM controls what family members she can and can't call? Then it's not coming over. 

Anyone have similar situations? Are your SK controlled by who they can talk to and when (If they're a preteen). Do they have phones that go back and forth with them? Any tips/advice?

hereiam's picture

I am so thankful that my SD28 did not have a cell phone back when DH had visitation and we didn't have to deal with this nightmare. So, I really have no advice!

BM responded that she just wants her daughter "to be herself, whatever that may be" Bad

She's 9, she doesn't get to just "be herself, whatever that may be". Not when it comes to certain things. That's why we have parents who are legally responsible for us until we are officially adults. But, apparently, BM doesn't want to be a parent.

You and your husband have every right to control what goes on in your home.


tog redux's picture

All you can do is what you are doing - no phone in your house, no use of social media in your house. You can't make BM allow SD to call you (SM), though she should be allowing her to call DH.

Be prepared for her to start refusing to come over entirely around 13-14, because you have rules and BM doesn't. I'm not saying to give up your rules - just be prepared for the fall-out when she's a bit older.

SubstituteMommy's picture

Be prepared for her to start refusing to come over entirely around 13-14, because you have rules and BM doesn't.

Your comment wasn't for me, but I am patiently waiting for this to happen. I've warned SO to expect it as well. SD9 has a rebellious nature. She is the only kid in the house who blatantly disregards the rules and acts like she doesn't even care when she is disciplined for it. She acts like she can do no wrong and anyone who calls her out on her bullsh!t is stupid.

SubstituteMommy's picture

I wish that SD9 didn't have a phone. She has never been deserving of one. She is very irresponsible and too reckless to have one. I have found videos of her dancing inappropriately or taking an obnoxious amount of selfies. She lives with us full-time and visits her BM a few times a year. Her BM doesn't let her bring her phone on her visits because she doesn't want SD to have the ability to text or call us whenever she wants to... but still, it must be nice not to have to deal with SD having her phone and being so annoying with it.

Rags's picture

WTF does a 10yo have a phone for at all?  BM is catering and it bit her in the ass.  Good.

I would not allow the phone in my home if I were you and DH. So, BM bearing the pain of her idiot decision and isolating that pain to her home and keeping it out of your home sounds like a plan to me.

I would add that you and daddy should be loading that phone with constant calls, VMs, texts, etc......  So when SD has the phone she sees that you are making an effort.

If that pisses BM off... BONUS!!!


momjeans's picture

Yeah, like others have stated - your house, your rules. 

BM has ZERO say in what dad chooses to do in regards to phone usage by a 10-year-old in his house.

Skid here got a brand new iPhone when she was SEVEN years old. BM played the “I have an absolute right to contact MY child whenever I damn please” card and it was hilarious. 

Before DH found his partial spine and started putting skid’s phone up, BM would often text skid, asking “What’s daddy and momjeans doing?”

Dogmom1321's picture


P.S. - DH and I are TOTALLY aware, SD will not want to come around when she's a teen. Just becuase we have rules. DH has said he isn't going to make it into a "which parent is more fun" contest. He refuses to play. 

Is it bad that part of me is like "SCORE" SD and all of her friends aren't going to want to come hang out! Ugh, I hate to say that, because I know DH will be devastated when she doesn't come around. Heck, TODAY even! SD ONLY called to ask Dad if he "deleted all her friends off Roblox" He said, "Thanks for calling to say hi and also the accusations. I'll talk to you later." 


To me it seems like SD is doing a fine job ON HER OWN, on driving a wedge between herself and DH. But not my problem to fix...