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Uncomfortable with watching step son?

Mertesr13's picture

Mertesr13's picture

Is it bad that I'm uncomfortable with watching my boyfriends son for the first time alone? We've been together for 1.5 years and I'm generally unfavorable of kids but I'm doing my best to blend in with them. He got his son last night and didn't tell me that he was coming over. Well, he has to work today and didn't line anyone up to watch him, so 6:45 this morning he asks his sister, his mom, then asked me if I could watch him all day, which I have never done. I said I wasn't really comfortable with that (since in the past he's told me he's not comfortable with me being alone with him, maybe out of anger idk), but he got super pissed about it, left without saying goodbye to take him to his kids moms house.


anyone encounter this? I feel like I'm not obligated to babysit, at least not at the very last second. 

tog redux's picture

You are totally not obligated to babysit, under any circumstances, and good for you for nipping that in the bud right off the bat.

An hour here and there? If you want.  All day long? Nope.  He can take the day off from work if he can't find anyone else. Or do what he did - take the kid back to the other parent, where he should be if your SO isn't home.

Mertesr13's picture

That was my thinking since I told him he should've figured it out before he took him for the day. It just sucks that now he's pissed at me questioning our relationship. I even told him that I could drop him off at a better time or even pick him up early so he'll be here when he gets off work but that's not good enough. I'm just not at that stage of watching kids all day, simply because he hasn't allowed me to feel that way

tog redux's picture

Well, if this is going to be his expectation and a deal breaker for him, then better that you know right now.  The kid is there to see his father, not you - if he has another parent free to be with him, it makes zero sense for you to be watching him.

Mertesr13's picture

I agree, though I do empathize with my bf because his sons mother is not the best person, she's messy untrustworthy, doesn't watch her son like she should, so my bf stresses about that. I would've just thought he'd try to create a better environment here

tog redux's picture

But he can't expect you to be the replacement mother. If he can't be home for his custody time, maybe he needs a different job or a different custody schedule.

hereiam's picture

That is his problem, he is the one who procreated with the BM.

If he feels it's the job of his GF to be a better mother to his son, he needs to find someone who is on board with that. He should not even expect you to babysit, ever, unless he asks ahead of time AND he needs to be okay with, "No", as it's not your responsibility.

Plenty of men (and women) out there are looking for a replacement parent, either for the other parent or for themselves because they don't want to parent their own kid.

Don't get taken advantage of. Don't let yourself be guilted into doing something that you are not comfortable with.

Harry's picture

He is there to visit his BD,  no reason to babysit SS,  this is something that must be settle now.  Remember BM wasn't that bad when they were making him.  It just seems there so many bad BM on this board where the SO was happy living with BM at the time, but now no good ??

Swim_Mom's picture

That is a problem. Kick your BF to the curb.

Tiptoeing around a man with anger issues is something I did for 20 years. Let's just say I chose much, much better the second time around. Don't waste your time with infantile behavior - that is not a real man. 

ndc's picture

I see a couple red flags here.  He's told you in the past that he's not comfortable with you watching his kid.  That's a little troubling.  But suddenly when he's desperate, you're good enough.  And when you decline, he's angry with you and left without saying goodbye.  Mixed signals, for sure.  

You have NO obligation to watch his kid, especially on such short notice.  His lack of planning should not become your emergency.  And the fact that the kid's mother isn't stellar?  Not your issue - he's the one who chose to have children with her.  

I'd be looking long and hard at this relationship.

Thumper's picture

Ditch the boyfriend.

He will find some other 'girl' (not a woman but a girl)  who will run around the moon for him. You should be having a fun Day, maybe Christmas Shopping with friends, going out to lunch...


Dogmom1321's picture

Kick this guy to the curb. Really, getting mad at YOU because he is incompetent when it comes to planning a schedule? Not your problem. He is delusional. 

DH and I have been married 2 years and he still ASKS if/when I can watch SD, he never just assumes or dumps on me. He also lets me know when he is trying to coordinate with BM so that it doesn't mess up whatever I already have planned. 

Marzoe666's picture

You need to set boundaries or him and the SKids will walk all over you in the future.  Plus you're dating, he's not even your husband, nope!!! You can be loving and empathetic and even offer help as long as it's your choice but not if it's forced, don't let him gaslight you, guilt trip you!

Dogmom1321's picture

You are not a free babysitter. Don't fall for it. If your BF gets pissed that you aren't a free service, time to move on.