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I cant stand the kid

Jcksjj's picture

SD doing every other weekend has been wonderful. The downside: when she is here it's even worse in comparison. I honestly completely regret as this point not going with my gut feeling and waiting for a guy without kids. I seriously just cant stand her. Everyone else I know with stepkids as formed some bond as some point, but I've never been able to with her. And it's not just DHs parenting (not that that doesn't help), it's her personality. That's not going to change.

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Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yup I feel the exact same way! Her personality is awful, she is 10 but she acts like a baby around DH it's super annoying! She is here with us this weekend and I have no idea why, on DH weekend she decided not to come so technically this is BM weekend and BM was calling up DH to get her! Stupid DH let her come which he should not have done and SD is asking him if she will get to come again next weekend because that's his weekend and I'm thinking fuck no and BM better not even try to call! Ugh I'm annoyed so much by her presence and always wanting to be petted like a cat by DH. 

Jcksjj's picture

Mine won't stop with the preening and "look daddy I'm soooooo perfect." 

Then DH is all awkward and acts like shes a coworker he has to be extra polite to instead of a family member and she takes that as evidence that shes better then the rest of us. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Lol omg yes with the co -worker comment! That's spot on, like fake nice and over acting ! 

Kee-khe's picture

I've disengaged completely and don't even feel bad. I cannot stand DHs kid and cringe at the thought of her. If I didn't have a baby with him, I would FLEE. 

SteppingOut_2020's picture

Take solace in knowing that you're not alone in your feelings.  I think this is the only place that we are free to state how much we dislike a minor child without other parents clutching their pearls and looking at us like we have 3 heads.  However, its the parents that make these kids just unlikeable!  
I told my ex several times that his kid was just not a likeable person and the reason that he has zero friends and most adults dont even want to be around him.   At least mine understood that he had an issue on his hands, just refused to do anything about it for fear of hurting the feefees.  I raised a daughter so I went through all these same years that these men are going through and not saying that I never had any issues with my daugther, but she was never an unlikeable person, had friends and was able to hold a conversation with an adult while acting mature.  As well she had male friends that I would regularly witness how they acted and never did I see any sort of behaviors that these newer kids are acting now.  
How these men can live with themselves and not be completely and utterly embarrassed and shameful as to what they have raised is beyond me but yes, without the parent willing to do anything then they do become unlikeable human beings and I dont think we should feel bad about saying so.  They may be minor children, but by a certain point they have a full understanding of how their behavior affects others and awareness of such.

Jcksjj's picture

Shes almost an exact replica of BM. DH makes it worse by playing into it - but that conceited, self centered god awful personality is 1000% BM. Its unbearable. 

I don't get why it's not okay to admit a kid is unlikable. I understand they are not adults and it cant be handled the same way that you would with an adult - but does that need to go so far as to pretending they're wonderful when they're not?

strugglingSM's picture

I think many stepparents profess feeling love towards their stepkids when they don't really. 

My feelings for my stepkids have only deteriorated over the years, both due to personality and situation. 

Both of my stepkids are boring and entitled. They basically come to our home and expect to be catered to. They also have no interests outside of YouTube and XBox, so can't even have conversations with them.

Jcksjj's picture

The entitlement is what drives me crazy. She wants praise just for existing.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes thank you about ther "expecting to be catered to" comment , my SD has slowly stopped coming over since DD was born. Now DD is 10 months, SD10 has begun to resent the fact that daddeee can't devote all his attention and love on just her anymore and god forbid she isn't daddy's little girl anymore. She stays with whoever will baby her and let her get away woth anything . Like today is DH weekend but she begged to stay with MIL because she can do whatever she wants and with no kids there she will 100 percent of every ones attention... she doesn't care about spending time with her dad, it's selfish really. She didn't even call her dad on his birthday or the day after when she knew what day it was on... but we are suppose to lay out the red carpet for Hers? Oh and she cries every year at BS8 birthday party or DS3 party... every year I call it and it happens

strugglingSM's picture

Even this weekend, DH is off with his teen children. He calls me and says he is making dinner. He's making ramen noodles and pizza pockets (I know, healthy dinner...). As we're on the phone, SSs are complaining that their wonderful dinner is not yet ready and DH sweetly says to him, "it will be ready soon." I say to him, "why can't they make their own dinner?" especially considering what he is making.

Then DH has to stop what he is doing to take one kid fishing, even though he has told the kid repeatedly that there are no fish right now. This teen refuses to listen and then complains when there are no fish. Seriously, he's like the annoying, entitled kid out of a movie.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Everyone has a right to thier feelings. Just as there are adults we dislike or don't get along with. I dont understand why it's such taboo to feel the same way about kids. I would never condone mistreating a child or teenager, sometimes the best you can do is maintain a civil relationship with someone but never develop a closeness for whatever reason.

I do not blame myself for my feelings towards SD, she is a very mean spirited person. I joke all the time that she reminds me so much the popular blonde girl in that movie Mean Girls. 

I like OSD and I was very close with SS from my last relationship, we still keep in touch and I always cared about him like he was my own.

Jcksjj's picture

Mine is very much like the blonde girl attitude wise, but shes not pretty or popular which makes it weirder. She reminds me alot of the little girl on a series of unfortunate events that count olaf adopts or whatever. 

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

I feel the same. I can't stand SD and it's because of her repulsive personality. SS is a normal kid and tolerable. I don't ever foresee myself having a relationship with her.

SubstituteMommy's picture

As someone said above, my feelings for SD9 have deteriorated over the years. I overlooked a lot of her awful personality traits and odd behavior when my SO and I first got together. I was too focused on being the mom that she didn't have. Recently, we watched home videos of her when she was four and there were already signs that she was going to end up being a fake, dramatic, rebellious, attention-seeking narcissist. Now that she's nearing ten years old, it's apparent that she's going to be just like her BM and her other crazy blood relatives... regardless of who is raising her. I don't feel bad for not being able to stand her, and you shouldn't feel bad for feeling that way either. It is what it is.

Jcksjj's picture

Yep, I remember thinking after meeting her a few times, wtf is wrong with this kid? She was 4.5 when I met her and sooo snotty. I dismissed at as her being young, but over time I've learned BM is exactly the same so shes probably not going to grow out of it.

SubstituteMommy's picture

My SO dismissed a lot and swore she'd grow out of certain things... but it only gets worse as time goes on. She's slowly transforming into a mini version of her BM and her grandmother. It's absolutely terrifying.

Jcksjj's picture

Yep...what I'm seeing with both her and my own kids is personality doesn't really change much after toddlerhood. They might go through different phases of behaviors but the personality stays the same.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

My SO still tells himself SDs behavior is a normal phase and she will grow out of it. I just laugh to myself as it has only progressively gotten worse. At one point I was able to find positives about her to focus on, but as she gets older every day she becomes more her BM and that entire dysfunctional side of the family. I think SO shuts it out because the thought of her being like BM is too traumatizing for him to accept. Unfortunately, I know she is already there just from what she posts in her social media.  I am embarrassed for her just seeing it. The few times I have shown him he has just freaked out and called the BM, like that is going to do anything.  Where does he think she is learning it from?