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"Friend"

Jcksjj's picture

Well, if you read my previous blog about my close friend going to meet up with BM, friend confirmed today that she is going. She claims she just wants to know what BM could possibly have to say to her after 9 years. Sorry but why do you care about someone who treated you awful 9 years later enough to basically stab a current friend in the back? 

Comments

Siemprematahari's picture

Jcksjj I'd leave this alone. It may be easier said than done but any information your "friend" may or may not provide doesn't change anything for you. BM is irrelevant so live your best life and try not to be bothered by this....it doesn't add or substract to you in anyway.

advice.only2's picture

Well at least now you know what to share and not share with this friend. You can't control what she does or who she chooses to be friends with, but you can control how you respond to her and the situation.

Aniki's picture

I agree with Siempre and Advice. 

If you plan to maintain this friendship, I hope you're very cautious about what you share with this 'friend'. Jeez, I'm as curious as the next person, but this is weird and a bit (to me) suspicious.

Siemprematahari's picture

Aniki, I find this "suspect" as well and I'd stop sharing any and all info about my life to said "friend". Things like this can get ugly real fast and it wouldn't bode well with me.

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah. It's only going to be happy positive info from now on. She said she only wants to meet her once and see what she says and if she makes excuses for what she did to her back then and doesn't want to be friends with her. We will see I guess. I do know she really hated her, like to a degree way out of character for her and it would especially come out when she was drinking a little. So hopefully she is telling the truth and just hoping to hear an apology or something.

Chmmy's picture

Maybe your friend wants closure to the back stabbing that took place many years ago. I tend to take things personally also...example: the skids must have did or said somthing as a slight toward me. Well guess what not everything is all about ME. Sometimes the skids are just obnoxious and thoughtless and not even thinking of me. Im too sensitive. Its possible you are taking this as all about you which Im sure BM is doing this to get under your skin, its possible your friend just wants closure for what happened to her. Hopefully BM shows her true colors in this meeting and you and your friend can have a laugh.

But again still be cautious. I hate when world's collide. Just found out my cousin got a job where SD works. They put it together when they friended each other on facebook. I try to keep my family seperate from the skids. 

Jcksjj's picture

I think it is a good possibility she wants closure and I do get that. BM is so much like my ODS dad - and the level of intense anger I felt at one time towards him for how much he screwed me over with zero empathy seems to be what she feels towards BM. What I learned over time though is you dont get closure with people like that and any contact with them generally leaves you feeling like crap. I really think it would be smarter of her to just avoid her.

Honestly it does hurt my feelings though that she is letting whatever the reason is override the fact that I've been an actually good friend to her and didnt even ask how I felt about it or what I thought. I can't tell her what to do no but still it would've been nice to be considered.

Also, although I would like to trust friend she tends to be a doormat and the type easily manipulated by people like BM so I dont feel great about it.

As far as BM - theres no way it doesnt have some connection to DH and I. Although I'm guessing she also has probably always wondered what they have told us about her because she kept that friend and the others in that group away from DH because she was telling the all different stories about things. He found out alot including some things regarding SDs paternity when we started dating. The one time she did bring him around them she was nervous and told DH ahead of time that the friends "liked to make up stories about people"

Siemprematahari's picture

To me there is no such thing as closure. Closure is an illusion and most times it can leave you with more questions than answers. It can leave you wanting more than you ever bargained for but that's just my honest opinion of course.

 

ESMOD's picture

Often just another chance to relive the trauma.. let it become fresh in your mind again.  Sometimes.. just accepting the past happened and move on is the best course of action.

Jcksjj's picture

It probably will lead to either anger or more questions. Either BM will completely avoid the subject and act like it never happened or she will have some sob story about it and be excuses. That's all I've ever seen from her to DH. That's why I dont fully get why shes bothering to meet her. But I guess shell have to see for herself.

Chmmy's picture

Totally understand your feelings. I just hate to see you get upset when nothing will probably come of this. Your friend knows BM is trouble. Hopefully she is smart enough to keep her distance

Jcksjj's picture

I think I overreact in general and especially with certain people such as BM who have historically caused alot of stress and drama. 

Aniki's picture

Maybe she DOES want closure, but I find it almost impossible to obtain closure from this type of person. Rather, I have to create my own closure about the situation by realizing the person is toxic or bad-intentioned, learn the lesson, and move forward.

Kes's picture

Have you told your friend that you are upset she is meeting BM?  If not, I think you should. 

Ispofacto's picture

"I'm kind of screwed because if I get mad at her then she will have no qualms about giving her any info so its probably better to play nice and not give her anymore info from now on."

When I was younger I trusted people, but now I almost never do, because of above.  People who are volitale or catty cannot be trusted ever. 

Please be careful who you trust from now on.  I'm sorry this is a bitter pill to swallow.  The number of true friends you can have in life is very small.  All the rest are acquaintances you can do fun things with but never confide.

Even if things seem to go in your favor regarding this meeting, still be careful.  Let Friend share information, but don't give her any useful information.

 

 

Jcksjj's picture

Yep. Unfortunately she was the friend I vented to before I found this site. So in the last year I havent told her near as much at least. From now on it will only be positive info regarding my life. 

 

Chmmy's picture

I vent to my mother only. She loves DH but not the skids. Ive talked to friends about it a little but I dont talk about how vile my feelings are toward them. I say very little to my family. I cant expect them to accept DH & family if I dont. It would only cause problems

MurphysLaw's picture

Sorry J when I read your original post on this topic I refrained from commenting, gonna chime in now…

This chick is no friend, she loves drama, period. Do you/ have you shared anything about BM, DH, Skids, your marriage &etc. with this woman? Cause you can be sure THATS WHAT “Friend” & BM will be “catching up on”...

I would not say sh!t to “Friend” about ANYTHING, or that you feel “betrayed” &etc., I would be just as friendly as I always had been BUT NEVER have anything to do with her again. Believe that! Unless you enjoy drama, in that case enjoy away.

Saints Are Back's picture

My ex husband’s girlfriend goes around all friendly and smiley and she is bff with all my friends. I kind of freaked out (I was so-so when I saw in social media photos of our family friends hanging with my ex and her), when I saw one of my best friends all partying and kisssie-huggie with my ex’s girlfriend. I thought that was way too weird. They did not know each other prior to my ex meeting this woman. My assumption was that this woman was trying to replace me by taking over my friends. Which is fine, she has no pride, but wtf is wrong with my friends? Do they really believe that I would ever wish to hang again with them again? I would feel way too weird to be around my husband’s ex’ friends. But hey, she is fine sleeping in our marital bed and eating out of my plates, why don’t get out and get wasted with my friends? In fact I don’t blame her, she is not the sharpest pencil in the drawer. I was hurt to lose this friend, although I have never shared anything with her relating my ex and our relationship. But then I Dont need that particular “friend” in order to be happy. She only showed me how fake and dumb she was. And my ex’s girlfriend just gained another fake and dumb friend. And I just got one less.

Hugs, enjoy your life and happiness and let it go.