DH walks in my shoes for the week
DH has been off work for a week now to take care of our one year old son because we just had a new baby and I'm recovering from that and more restricted physically due to having a c section. My ODS8 and SD8 are currently both staying at their grandparents.
Hes exhausted from just taking care of one kid for a week. Hes a pretty easy going one year old but just the same he is a lot of work since he is little.
I think it started to dawn on him this week how much work it is for me to take care of either 3 or 4 kids every day since he was struggling to keep up with just one. Question is - will this translate to him also accepting that yes, SD is also alot of work and extra stress when shes here every other week? I pointed it out to him and he got pretty defensive so I'm thinking yes he gets it, but who knows if it'll change anything (see previous couple of blogs for a little current backstory).
We will see I guess.
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I say no. He will come to the
I say no. He will come to the conclusion skids are "easy" because they are older. Or some other dumb asd excuse. Or the standard "you hate my kids" deflection.
You're likely right. That's
You're likely right. That's one of the things I tried explaining to him that's so frustrating about stepparenting the other day. With my kids if I say hey let's get a babysitter for the kids for blah blah reason he just says okay. With SD if I ask for that its "well I dont mind her being here" and "but I love having her here" "shes not doing anything wrong" and all the other guilty daddy crap that gets pushed on to me.
You have to
You have to dislike a kid or they have to be doing something wrong to get a babysitter? I thought the point of a babysitter was to have someone take care of the kids while the parents worked or went on a date or did some other activity as adults. I didn't realize it was a punishment or some sort of moral judgment! Where on earth did he get that idea???
He got that idea from BM, GBM
He got that idea from BM, GBM and MIL. All of whom did not/do not hold themselves to that standard of course when it came to being a parent themselves. Or anywhere near that standard but they each expect him to because all 3 use guilt tripping him about SD as their way of trying to be the person in control.
Got it.
Got it. Our BM was similar but luckily DH was sick of it. She actually was that way during the marriage. She was a SAHM and no one could watch the children but her. It was not that babysitters were a punishment or anything but she was sure something awful would happen if she was away from them for a second. They never went anywhere without the kids ever from the day they were born. Nothing he said could convince her to even let grandparents care for them for a few hours to go out to dinner. She even became "room mom" and went to school with them! They became literally nothing but parents to each other after the second child. He stayed for 10 more long years out of sheer obligation and she claims to this day that she doesn't understand why the marriage failed.
BM here is halfway like that.
BM here is halfway like that. She talks the talk but doesnt walk the walk. DH said he could never do anything right with SD and she criticized him constantly and acted like she was the only one who could take care of her the right way. And then as soon as she got a new BF without kids she wanted to wash her hands of SD completely and hand her over 100 percent to DH. And if he ever said no to a schedule change, no matter how last minute or stupid of a reason she would be berating him for not being a good dad. All the stuff we see a ton on here - "do what I say or you dont love SD." The weirder thing in my situation is that its not just BM - its also GBM who lives halfway across the country (or was anyway, DH doesnt speak to her anymore) and MIL. MIL is probably the worst - we have to put SD before her other bio grandkids also and do whatever she says or she has tantrums. Literally tantrums like a 2 year old over ridiculous things like only giving SD 2 birthday parties or not making the other kids wait to open presents on xmas when shes not there etc.
Nope. I vote he'll backslide
Nope. I vote he'll backslide as soon as you're up and about again. Revisionist history is very popular with these lazy daddees.
Omg yes it is. Funny you
Omg yes it is. Funny you should mention that because I was just blown away the other day by how he had twisted some things in his head regarding SD. He claimed I said I was alot like SD when I was younger and that idea apparently made him feel that she would turn out okay...i never said that. I've actually said the opposite many times that I dont understand her behavior at all because I wasn't like that as a child. Also said once that his one niece reminded me alot of myself as a child and shes pretty much the opposite of SD. I think there was one specific behavior that I said I did as a kid a couple times (it actually might have been that my mom acted like BM, I can't recall the details of the convo but I definitely did not say what he claimed I did) and he latched on to that and spun it in his head to that I was just like her growing up and decided she will turn out fine.
There was another incident in that same convo brought up that I'm too lazy to type out but his memory of it was way different than mine and completely painted SD in a better light than what actually happened.
I think the only way he would
I think the only way he would get it would be to have all 4 on his own a couple of days and then only 3. However, not to be rude or insensitive, but if you don't want to watch SD you will probably have to give up being a SAHM.