A 3 day weekend of nonstop sucking up to daddeeee
Seriously just why?? Why would you suck up to your dad like hes a boy you're trying to impress? Did anyone else do that as kids because I honestly cant remember ever feeling the need to be like that around my parents and cant relate to it at all.
Example: SD is listening to us talk and DH asks why DS1 doesnt seem as interested in the dog anymore. Not seriously caring, just a comment. Sd immediately walks into the room and starts making a huge deal out of hugging the dog. Does she do that when dad isnt watching? No. Its things like that nonstop the whole time DH is around SD; seriously 90 percent of what she does is calculated for attention. The other 10 percent is when shes too absorbed in a video game to remember. How is that not exhausting?
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The larger question for me is
The larger question for me is always why the father allows it.
I mean what to you say to
I mean what to you say to things like that? Dont hug the dog? Its obvious that shes attention seeking but at the same time shes not actually doing something wrong alot of the time.
Does he spend a decent amount
Does he spend a decent amount of time with her when she's there? Playing with her, doing stuff she wants to do, just the two of them? If not, then he should start giving her that time and attention.
If he does, then he can figure out how to manage the attention-seeking.
Attention-seeking is annoying, but there is usually a reason why the kid is doing it - do they feel left out? Is it the lack of time they get with that parent? Are they attention-seeking everywhere they go? It's OK to address the behavior in whatever way makes sense. Sometimes planned ignoring is the best answer for it, so they don't get a reward for that type of behavior. But first you have to figure out why they do it.
It is everywhere - it's been
It is everywhere - it's been a consistent issue in school also because the teacher obviously cant cater to just one kid out of 20 to that degree and it ends up interrupting the other kids learning. Even at the grocery store or gas station she needs to get attention from the cashier etc. And it comes across as more of an entitlement thing than an insecurity thing to me. Which is why I dont get why it hasn't stopped and why it still happens with people who have never given her special treatment like DH used to and BM still does. And why I'm more interested in if anyone was like that themselves as a kid and can maybe give a better reason than the usual assumptions that dont really fit.
Why are you dealing with teacher
DH should? Let DH take care of her? Are you taking her with you to grocery store, etc.? Where the heck is DH?
I dont, I've just seen the
I dont, I've just seen the reports that get brought home and sometimes DH fwds emails from the teacher.I do take her to the grocery store at times but not very often alone, but even when DH is with I'm not blind, I can see her standing there begging the cashier to notice her and give her attention. I just dont get the why of it when we are already doing everything that has ever been suggested to try to deal with it and yet after a couple years no actual progress, just more covert tactics.
So then it probably needs to
So then it probably needs to be something that the parents and the school work on together - or it's just a personality trait. I know lots of adults who still are attention-seeking. Maybe they should get her into acting!
Please explain to me
Is dad supposed to tell kid?
1. Don't hug dog?
2. Stay away from me?
3. Don't respond to what I say?
And if he does, and kid does put distance between them, then do you blame on the mom alienating the kid?
I understand where you are
I understand where you are coming from, Spawn would do the same types of things and I could see she was doing stuff just because we had been talking about it. DH would see her do said stuff and get all dopey and fawn all over her about it. Funny he didn't do the same thing with our bios. And they have pulled the same stuff. Instead he would just smile and go "that's cute." or "that's nice" but never to the same level he did it with Spawn.
I truly belive that this results from the guilty PARENT mentality, not from the child pining away so desperatly for their parent. Once Spawn was living with us full time her antics weren't so cute as they used to be. Why? Because he was dealing with her full time.
Yeah that's kind of how I
Yeah that's kind of how I feel too. I mean all the stuff people say about divorce and how it affects kids I found to be true during the initial adjustment - but not forever. She cant even remember her parents being together. And same with friends I grew up with divorced parents. And shes flat out said she doesnt think about any of us when shes gone at her moms - not to be mean just in a factual way.
I definitely feel that there is a difference more to the parent than the kid. I think that's part of the reason I get so annoyed is that DH doesnt have divorced parents and has no idea what it's like so he feels unbearably guilty because supposedly being a COD is equal to a parent dying. He tries not to show it but I'm sure she can manage to pick up on it because it's there underneath. Whereas I actually lived her experience and feel his guilt is ridiculous and overblown. It's not the worst thing in the world, especially how they have it handled. Shes not in any way neglected or abused and I find that even more annoying when she acts like it because she goes to school with kids that actually are and actually need to attention and resources to go to them that shes constantly demanding from anyone and everyone. And I know shes not really aware of that but I just find it harder to stomach seeing the comparisons of how spoiled she is and the entitled attitude but yet all this guilt for no reason towards her.
Yeah, I guess that's what I
Yeah, I guess that's what I meant by my comment about him letting her get away with it. In intact families, kids don't act that way because no one will tolerate it (well, some intact families!)
Yeah - even though I think he
Yeah - even though he tries not to show it i think it's still there and I kind of get the feeling she still thinks she can make the rest of us go away and go back to it being just her and him and her being the center of the universe. When I first started dating him he had her every night and everything completely revolved around her to an extreme degree. I almost didnt date him because of it and wouldnt have stayed with him if it hadnt improved but it seems like it's much harder to undo then to not spoil a kid in the first place...not to mention narcissistic BM has the opposite intentions and wants nothing more than for her only child to be the center of everything everywhere.
Update: DH just spent 45 min
Update: DH just spent 45 min playing video games with just her and now shes glaring angrily and pouting any time he talks to any of the rest of us. This is what I dont get - it only gets worse with more attention not better and its been the same response whenever they do special time. The options are either everything is about her and her way or shes upset.
She feels rejected by her BF
Because of the divorce. She see that “ normal family “ BF is always around, with her it’s only every or EOWE she sees her father. Just making sure that her father lovers her and wil take care of her. When you get into a second marriage with kids from first marriage. It’s not going to be “ normal “.
You can disengage somewhat. Have thing plan to get out of the house. You know it’s a three day weekend. So have something for tomorrow. Going to a friends, go shopping, or more like a little shopping and a nice lunch. Get some, hamburger and let SD and DH BBQ tonight’s dinner. That better daddy daughter time spent the video games.
None of that fits with the
None of that fits with the details of the story.