Hi there - just joined this group. Wish I'd found this years ago. Feel like I'm finally at the point where I gotta vent. Spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours in counseling over the last 5 years or so, so I'm well on the way to learn the disengaging bit. Sux, doesn't it? But, so goes the life of a step parent. Or perhaps better described as a non-entity. Married my DH about five and a half years ago. About 5 years ago, the BM dies of cancer, so SS (then 13) and SD (then 10) come to live with us full time. My BD is 17 at the time.