Challenge One – the Restaurant (warning - long)
I live in a building that has a huge restaurant/cocktail bar on the ground floor. There are 4 restaurants as well as the bar. 1 restaurant is extremely expensive, where you have to book a table as it gets booked out quickly. SO and I have eaten there once.
Twins decided they also wanted to eat at that same expensive restaurant (with SO paying of course). SO was thrilled as he thought this would be a way for us to get together and “connect”. They made the booking for 6.30pm.
They also decided they would come to my apartment to check it out and have a few drinks beforehand. I was a bit apprehensive at first, but thought it may work out, so agreed.
They arrived at 5pm. I was in my apartment slicing lemons for our corona’s, when they walked in. First was Bossy, then Whiny, followed by SO. I greeted them with a big smile and said “Hi! Welcome to my place – please make yourself at home” They sat down and muttered “hi”. I offered them drinks – both hot and cold – to which they refused. SO asked me to show them around – as I got up, Bossy went to the bathroom, so I showed Whiny who said “oh nice”. When Bossy came out, SO asked her if she wanted to look around and she said “oh.. might as well”. So, I did the same, with the same reaction. I started to realise they weren’t here to “connect”.
At dinner, they ordered the most expensive items on the menu, starting with a crab dish that was tiny and cost about $80.00. It was a dip, with wafers. She scooped the wafer and crab, reached over and said “try it Dad” and shoved her hand into his mouth. He ate it with a surprised look, and gave me a sheepish grin. I gave him my widest smile and said “ooh! Hand-fed – look at you getting all spoilt like lovers..how special ...” They turned bright red and SO refused to sample anything she gave him after that. The twins then tried the “let’s go down memory lane” and started reminiscing about his trips to Thailand and their holidays when it was ‘just them’. I got up and walked out saying I needed a cigarette.
SO came out after me and sat with my while I smoked, shortly after the twins walked out to join us. SO was sitting on the edge of a bench, with me next to him. Bossy tries to squash right next to him. He gets up, grabs me and plonks me on his lap and wraps his arms around me. They storm back into the restaurant.
For dinner, Bossy grabs the menu and beckons the waiter over to place our orders. SO was holding my hand under the table and Bossy mutters something about too much PDA. I gave her a sweet smile and asked her if she wanted to say something? She glares daggers at me as the waiter arrives and ignores me. SO squeezes my hand so I give him a hug. Whiny looks like she wants to puke into her wine.
Bossy starts to order, looks at SO and says “so Dad? Are you FINALLY ready or what?!”. SO looks at me, I ignore her, look at the waiter and place SO and I’s order. Waiter smiles at us and walks off. Bossy is burning by that point. Whiny is following Bossy’s lead and glares at SO. I grab SO and say let’s go to the bar while we wait and grab a cocktail, it’s a bit hot in here.. They follow. They go through the menu and pick the most expensive cocktail. Whiny tries to get SO to take a sip from her glass. He says no, he’s ok. Bossy then tries the same and he also says no. I grab SO’s hand and we walk out to have another cigarette. They follow us out. Same thing – attempts to talk about the past. I ignore and start talking to SO about things that actually interest us – like movies and planning a garden. They grow sullen and silent – then whisper among themselves, so we go back inside.
Dessert. They order – again, the most expensive. I order coffee, as does SO. We finish our coffee and they are still taking their time with their dessert. SO asks them if they are almost done and Bossy gets upset says “what! You can’t wait to take her upstairs..God!”. I raised my eyebrows and stared at her just unbelieving she just said that. She refused to take her eyes off SO, who is getting pissed off by now.
He tells her to quit it and calls the Waiter to bring the bill. The bill arrives and I see SO rise his eyebrows. Never seen him do that with a bill before. He says to the twins “good grief.. you guys went a bit overboard here”. Bossy says “Well, DAD! How often do you bring HER here?!!” I got up and walked to the bar. SO paid the bill and came straight to me. They follow and we pretty much ignore them. I’m fuming and just want them out of my sight. He feels the same and tells them we’re going back upstairs. They glare daggers at him and storm off without a word.
SO and I went upstairs and sat on our balcony, just shocked. I was fuming and told him to never, ever, ever put me through that shit again. That it’s damn obvious they came to piss on their territory and thought they could manipulate the night. They were rude, arrogant and abnoxious and as far as I was concerned – they were now dead to me. No way would I be around them willingly again unless they bloody apologised – and it better be damn sincere. Also, next time – if there ever was a next time, he’d better bloody well be ready because I will not be keeping quiet. I will rip them to shreds and make sure they learn how to behave in public. They will never be rude to me in my own place, ever again – God, I was steaming.
He was completely mortified and agreed with me – he was also damn angry with how they treated him and said he would not let that happen again. He said it really woke him up how he failed by spoiling them – but his eyes are now open and he’ll be taking steps to fix that.
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Great Stuff, islandgal!
Hon, by the time I read:
'He gets up, grabs me and plonks me on his lap and wraps his arms around me.'
I was grinning from ear to ear! Not only are those brats no match for islandgirl but you have a SO proving that you come first. Can't wait for the next installment!
I tell ya! It was quite the experience! I never expected them to behave like that. They also refused to talk to me and only spoke to SO whilst they were in my apartment. It was just horrible. SO would try to involve me, but they would talk right over him. I realised straight away what game they were playing. Whispering to eachother and then just focusing on SO. It was so damn hard not blasting them in the restaurant - I only kept quiet out of respect to SO - however, he told me later that he wanted to do the same thing - but kept quiet so as not to upset me. They behaved like a couple of spoilt adolescent teenagers - not the friggin grown-ass women they are.
These two are just...wow.
oh they're something all
oh they're something all right.. that was just the beginning..
This one's for you OP. I thought of this song and snickered after reading.
I'm glad your SO is sticking
I'm glad your SO is sticking up for you with his bratty daughters. They sound like bundles if joy. I commend you in being able to maintain your civility. I don't think I could have done it.
Really don't think I would've
Really don't think I would've handled it if it wasn't for steptalk. I learnt a few lessons here on how to defend myself from their toxic nastiness.
I had similar experiences with sd’s
3 visits in and i refused. Hubby thought he could convince me until he realised i and our kids were done. Every visit the 2 miniwives (now 15 & 25) would walk right next to hubby whilst he pushed our then toddlers in the stroller. I was expected to follow behind
every meetup revolved around them ranting non stop about hobag bio mum and stepdad who had an affair together whilst biomum was married to my husband. Its a real stab in the heart that your dumb ass daughters can sing stepdad praises when he was having an affair with your mum while your dad slaved it off as sole income earner
hubby knew confronting them would awaken the beast but he realised pissing me off means no sex and he loves our sex and me and hates bio mum and 1.5 yrs ago told off eldest sd that bio mum and stepdad are not of his concern or our family unit and frankly he doesn't go about his day thinking about their mum ever when he is married to me. Loads of sulking but its the truth
i do not attend any events they will be at and fake it a big happy family and the fake politeness when daddy is around. Those are my boundaries and they will not change
Bloody sickening isnt it? It
Bloody sickening isnt it? It's like they're in deep denial and refuse to accept reality. Thank God your hubby stood up for you and your relationship. I will not be willingly attending anywhere where those 2 will be present - hell, no!
Well, I think that pair of
Well, I think that pair of you, given the circumstances, handled that situation admirably! *clapping*
I was prepared for them - but
I was prepared for them - but not - y'know? Didn't think they'd behave so despicably. I'm so glad my SO stood by my side - he was appalled at their behaviour.
While it is horrible it took
While it is horrible it took this display for him to see what brats he has raised- at least he sees it!!
Oh his eyes opened that night
Oh his eyes opened that night - and he's really starting to see their dysfunction. He blames himself for spoiling them, but he's putting a stop to all of it and it's driving them crazy. I had moments where I'd feel sorry for them - then realise, these twins have everything they need and want - they are grown - have their own money, yet act like immature twits. One is furious 'cuz she's convinced her daddy is abandoning them - the other is furious 'cuz she's lost access to his wallet.
Wow, just wow.
Wow, just wow.
Sounds like he is onto their
Sounds like he is onto their BS and backs your relationship. That's rare.
Yep - we've had many talks
Yep - we've had many talks about their behaviour and his parenting from guilt. He's had moments where he's back-tracked but I keep a journal so I know the facts and whack him over the head with it - that usually brings him around.
SD used to ALWAYS pick the
SD used to ALWAYS pick the most expensive thing on the menu. She was 10 and would order twin lobster tails and filet mignon and DH would think it was "so cute" that she had such expensive taste. Then she wouldn't eat the food and I would shoot daggers at him across the table. Your DH sounds like he adores you, good for him and good for you for being able to weather that shit storm.
She was 10 and would order
She was 10 and would order twin lobster tails and filet mignon and DH would think it was "so cute" that she had such expensive taste.
And that's how spoiled, entitled adults happen.
Yep. When they get praise and
Yep. When they get praise and laughter for being a demanding, finicky little gourmet a-hole by their bioparent and then SM tries to feed them like they are normal kids, they act like they are being abused.
We would have never even
We would have never even taken my SD to a restaurant that served steak and lobster, much less let her order twin lobster tails and filet mignon.
It was always a waste of money to take her out to eat, anywhere, because she would barely eat.
Yep. We don't go anywhere
Yep. We don't go anywhere "fancy" with skids. SD I will take once in awhile to nicer places because she actually likes real food but, is also picky to a degree. SO and I have a place that we go to just the two of us or with another couple and he suggested going there for Father's Day with SD because the boys had to work.. LOLL nope SO that's our place WITHOUT skids.
Oh what! 10 years old?!! Good
Oh what! 10 years old?!! Good grief! No way is that 'cute' - that's just setting her up to be another entitled adult snowflake. Yuk! I'd be shooting daggers at him too.. !
Rude & Spoiled
= Bossy and Whiney.
I hope that they can turn around!
This is how I was treated by Husbands 15 year old when we first started our relationship. Feral Forger turned into her worst self during that time and hasnt really changed.
Good for you for sending them solid signals, and I hope that your SO has a very strong spine because thats what its going to take.
I am pretty much no contact with Feral Forger Sd22, but we are civil.
I've been following your
I've been following your stories Clove - you are one strong woman and I take my hat off to you!
SO is pretty strong - but he has had his moments and we've had some tough arguments but, we're getting there.
I just caught up with all
I just caught up with all your chronicals so far....sounds like your hard won lessons are paying off for you in this relationship. There is no trying to twist yourself inside out to try to get these "kids" to like you just expectations that they will be reasonable and then disengagement when they prove that they cannot be reasonable, kind or polite. I am glad that your SO is starting to see that they are not acting normally and has not displaced the blame onto you.
I see right through them. I
I see right through them. I've known them for about a year before I started dating their Dad. Right from the start when we were 1 month in, they were trying to tell him to slow down - or make equal time to spend with them. At 35! God! They won't be around me until they learn to behave like mature adults - otherwise, they can remain in their snake pit of negativity.
Oh my God, they are 35?! I
Oh my God, they are 35?! I was picturing immature, bratty 21 year olds. Which is bad enough, but 35? Hell, they aren't going to change.
Yes. Hard to believe - I
Yes. Hard to believe - I still find myself shaking my head at their behaviour. Really cold-hearted, nasty, spiteful, malicious women who believe they own their Father. Their mother - on the other hand - can do no wrong. BM has had many affairs and actually advised one daughter (Whiny) to sleep with as many men as she could when Whiny told her she believed her new-husband was cheating on her. BM is a whole other chapter - completely and totally toxic.
Not at 35, no way. They are who they are at that age.
Oh yeah, the slow things down
Oh yeah, the slow things down order...
My ex's daughter was the same.
One night, after we had been together about 5 months, she came downstairs crying and handed him a letter, which said stuff like;
Please slow down, you are taking things too fast
Please do more things with JUST US not her
I don't want to share you with anyone.
You're being taken away from me and I don't like it
You need to spend more time at home with me
Etc etc.....I wasn't there that night but he took a picture of the letter and sent it to me.
Maybe he shouldn't have.
OMG - is there some secret
OMG - is there some secret handbook that we don't know about? Sounds so familiar! After we were dating for around 1-2 months we got:
- you're moving too fast - you need to slow down!
- we don't see you anymore - you need to spend more time with us! At least 2-3 days a week!
- the dogs miss you - don't you care!?? (they have 2 dogs)
- you're abandoning us! How DARE you !
- you don't treat us the same anymore
- SHE doesn't treat us the same anymore
.. and so on and so forth...at 35.. I still can't get my head around that.
God forbid they should want
God forbid they should want their dad to be happy and find companionship.
The dogs miss you? That's a new one.
I'm 35 and couldn't even
I'm 35 and couldn't even imagine acting like this...and my parents have been divorced since I was 7. Sounds like they have been stuck in high school mean girls club for 20 years now.. Glad your SO isn't standing for their BS.
I know ay! My eldest Son is
I know ay! My eldest Son is 38 and he's known them for 4 years - even he was shocked at their behaviour. I did remind him that this happens more often with divored dads and their daughters. SO has had his back-tracking moments, but he has told me that I am his forever woman and he will do whatever it takes for us to stay together. The pressure from them has not died down.. it has ramped up considerably, but I know how to handlel them - long as he stays supportive, we will get over this.
They really need to just grow the eff up, walk their own paths and quit trying to crash on ours.
My SD tried until my husband
My SD tried until my husband's dying day to split us up. 22 long years. She used to barge into our room without knocking and interrupted something one night. When she got married and went to honeymoon suite with her new husband the room was doublebooked and another couple walked in on them.
It was all I could do not to fall down laughing when I heard that.
They divorced several years later.
Dead set!! 22 years! Faarkkkk
Dead set!! 22 years! Faarkkkk - that would've done my head in, for sure! Barging into your room? Bloody hell! I would've walloped my SO over the head for allowing that!
As for the couple walking in on them - hahahahhahaaa!! karma! would've loved to have seen the look on her face.. too funny..! Not surprised they divorced - who the hell wants to put up with an entitled, spoilt-rotten, ill-mannered snowflake - ugh!
People like that do not have
People like that do not have the self awareness to see karma taking a big fat bite out of their ass.
Her and her crew send stuff back in restaurants all the time trying to get free meals.
They went to one of those japanese places and got really bad service but me and the kids went later and they were real good to us.