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Maggot Logic

Iamwoman's picture

So Maggot is once again trying to move skids farther away from DH.

She has successfully completely alienated them against him (and me) over the past 9 years.

DH is planning on letting her move. He just has to go to court to protect himself (prevent Maggot from ever moving out of state or from ever being able to somehow get more money from him).

So we asked skids this weekend if they even want to move (DH wanted to make sure this isn't being forced on them and that they really are so alienated that they don't want to be around their dad much anymore - because let's face it: Maggot making a 1.5 hour drive two times a weekend, twice a month is laughable).

Well I had one of my normal, regular, friendly convos with YSS11, yakking about this and that, and when I finally got to asking him if he wants to move, he clammed up.

I told him that I have known him since he was 2 and I can tell what is going on his life and that his mother told him not to talk about moving with me, yes?

He nodded and said, "Yes she told me not to talk about it, so I can't talk about it."

I told him that makes me sad, because his dad can't bond with him if he is regularly being told not to talk about his life with his own dad. Then we talked about his plans for the day (laying one bed gaming on his phone) and that was that.

So Maggot starts texting DH and referring to me as "some other person in your house." ROFL. And accuses me of telling YSS11 that he is a liar (which of course I never did... because he isn't a liar - he is just doing what his mother told him to do to avoid her wrath).

Like, I honestly thought Maggot was not jealous of me anymore. It's been 9.75 years since DH left her. 9 years since DH and I first made contact, and DH and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary in May. Plus Maggot just received enough of an inheritance from her father's suicide that she now feels capable of buying a home, 

She feels powerful with her currently "hood-rich" lifestyle, and on top of all that, DH is GOING to allow her to move!

She has gotten everything she wants: free money, moving far away, permanently turning her children against their own father.

DH told me tonight that he thinks he would be fine if skids disappeared from his life forever because they are so fully alienated that they are actively trying to destroy their own dad alongside Maggot now. He threw his hands in the air and said "Maggot wins! I give up! I know most people would say I'm SUPPOSED to fight for my kids, but for WHAT? They both hate me because of all the lies and brainwashing by Maggot. I just want all of the drama to go away forever."

So Maggot has won her game.

This is why I was actually amazed that she is obviously still so jealous of me that she can't refer to me by name, recognize me as her son's stepmom, or even acknowledge that I am DH's wife.

Wouldn't someone who is finally getting what she wants just be happy? Why the continuous jealousy?

Its wierd.



halo1998's picture

Beaver got SS ALLL to herself and they still bitch about DH. All the really you got what you want and yet your still not happy.  At least your the other person in the house..I'm the whore or the slut.  LOL...

Iamwoman's picture

Lmao!!! You always always crack me up Halo.

Dont feel alone my friend. USUALLY I am the whore or the slut, but since Maggot is a'goin to court, she thinks she is minding her P's and Q's by toning it down to "some other person in your house."

I'll let you know if I find out, but I suspect it's one of those "dark mind of the psycho" holes that would make a person feel crazy if they started to understand it.

advice.only2's picture

This is what DH did with Sapwn he let her go and she never looked back, until recently.  She acted like she turned over a new leaf but I think really she was just wanting to know our business and if the money train was still rolling.  Once it became clear DH wasn't going to share our lives and there wasn't going to be any handouts she dropped the act and now only texts on occasion. 
I really feel for your DH but these BMs play the long game and play to win, doesn't matter if they destroy their kids in the process. It's sad.  

Imdone21's picture

I am so sorry that you all are having to go through that. I hate how people use children as pawns in these evil plots of theirs. Hopefully one day his kids will learn the truth and they can have some sort of relationship with you and their dad. 

Iamwoman's picture

I used to hope this too.

Now I actually hope they just go away forever. I'm not sure if I would ever believe they are genuinely remorseful for anything at this point...

shamds's picture

met me 7 yrs ago and we’ve been married just over 5.5 yrs. 

exwife was whoring around before she and my husband separated, played the victim in court like why is my husband divorcing me all along she was whoring herself to a married ex high school sweetheart who had 2 kids. 

She convinced him to leave his wife for her... i guess when you are panicking that your exhusband is refusing to pay alimony since you tortured and abused him daily, sabotaged his career and no way contributed to his quality of life then you sre desperate to find any man you can by any means so he can be your atm.

even now she has eldest sd 24.5 tell my husband how she doesn’t think her marriage will last and she wants him to covertly transfer assets of hubbys purchased after the divorce into her kids name because he owed her and promised her blah blah blah.

for starters your exhusband can’t give a shit if your marriage survives or not because he hasn’t cared about you in over a decade. He is building a life a future with his wife while you have alienated your kids from him..

narcs always need to feel out even decades later when they have been so horribly abusive like nothing happened and they are besties... its a control thing!!

i suspect since exwife can’t fully commit honestly to a relationship that she realised she’s due for a divorce any moment so she needs to cover all bases. Exhubby is even more loaded than before since he got promoted heavily and exwife is fuming she can’t live the rich life

she’s all about her image and bragging and showing off to family how refined and upper class she is when she isn’t. Me, i’m just my normal self and don’t live excessively as me and hubby are homebodies and prefer the comfort of out home but we do make time for mini getaways but are aleays smart enough to look for bargains and sales.

exwife still thinks my husband wants her and that she can get him back. Remember narcs think so highly of themselves. That hey are superior to everyone so if your ex has married someone way more superior than you could ever be, it bruises your ego!!

JRI's picture

I have a theory why BMs are still so hateful, even when they get what they want.  I think they aren't really happy unless their ex-husband is miserable.  Just the fact that the ex'husband has a new relationship and isn't miserably regreting the divorce, even if BM initiated it - it seems to deeply infuriate them.  It's not enough for her to win, he has to lose, too.

Ispofacto's picture

If DH is capable of having a good relationship, then he's not trash.  Therefore, BM must've had some fault in the breakup.  And we know that can't be true...


Exjuliemccoy's picture

I believe there's a huge pool of fathers who've been alienated, maligned, and made the choice to drop the rope. Then they're labelled deadbeats by the women who chased them off.

Someone needs to tell their story. Any documentarians out there?

Iamwoman's picture

Well hell... exJulie, you are a genius. I would just need to find the time and the stomach for it.

I write books and have a friend who directs and produces (I'm so proud of her as she currently has a show airing once a week on ABC).

I haven't worked with her in a while, but we did release a historical documentary together last summer (this is more of a hobby - I'm no big time. I got $500 for writing and she got $1000 for directing and producing it, but it aired in a major metropolitan museum).

I'm not sure I would have the stomach for the type of research and interviewing that would be involved in such an endeavor, but I'll be rolling this around in my brain and perhaps throw it as a bone to some other writers.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

what it could be like the documentary was done in the style of Making a Murderer, but telling the stories of three or four men. Poignant, yet matter of fact. Interviews with family, pictures of how things used to be, and commentary supplied by experts in family law and PA.

Lndsy747's picture

When I see people bashing their ex on Facebook for being dead beats I always wonder now if they really are or if they've just dropped the rope.

The_Upgrade's picture

The way I see it: when you're married to someone all the things you own together can be represented as one whole pie. Your assets, property, relationship with your family/kids. And if you seperate then the pie must be divided up. Some people walk away with more pieces of pie than others. But sometimes you come across a person who believes all pieces of the pie belongs to them after seperation. Not willing to part with a single slice. Nothing you say or do will convince them that they aren't entitled to all of the first pie. And they think they should be entitled to a few slices of the second pie their ex partner cooked up too. 

tog redux's picture

Alienation sucks the life out of you. Even now, when SS is 20 and we rarely see him by choice, it's still hanging out there - will he return texts? Why hasn't he in a couple weeks? Has BM worked her magic again?

It's just forever hanging over your head that BM has a weapon and she isn't afraid to use it.

DH and BM split up 11 years ago and I'm quite certain she will never stop trying to use SS as a weapon against DH.

I don't blame your DH AT ALL for not fighting. What is he fighting for? To have 2 BM-bots in his home making his life miserable? I've been there, and I'm glad my SS PAS'd out instead of hanging around and being a jerk like yours are. At this point, in the U.S., there is no effective treatment or court response for PAS. The best thing you can do is let go and learn to thrive and be happy without the kids.

The best part of it was - No BM. No withheld visits.No ruined vacations. No wondering if SS would show up for a holiday. No stress on Friday night wondering if he'd be there this weekend. No more police in our driveway, no more court, no more BM texting SS all weekend. No more BM email manifestos.

Peace and quiet comes when they no longer visit.

Iamwoman's picture

I've carefully read all of your comments. You all have given me food for thought in various ways, from your anecdotes to your insight.

Synopsis I have learned from you all:

1. Maggot is and will always be pathetically jealous, because even having all of her demands met cannot make such a miserable person as her happy - so sad but not my problem.

2. Maggot's real goal isn't for her own life to be good, but for DH's life to be miserable (she wants him to crawl back to her so she can reject him and it enrages her that he is indeed far happier not being abused by a now-400 lb wretch).

3. I am in good company with many of you here as far as laughably not being recognized as SM despite 8 years of marriage. These BMs are so crazy and pathetic.

4. I am lucky that my DH has been worn down to the point that he is not just amazingly comfortable letting go of his toxic sons, but it was his idea and he won't be as sad as I thought he would.

5. What my DH, Tog's DH, and countless other DH's have gone through with extremely alienated kids, to even get to the point of not giving a damn anymore really should be documented / studied / compiled. I don't think I could do it without a PTSD episode, but I'll throw it out there.

tog redux's picture

One thing I will say for BM here, she does recognize me by name and hasn't ever really targeted me. I think she wants to look "normal" and like a good co-parent.

DPW's picture

Parents like this make me sick. I do not understand how a parent damages their child(ren) this way and then is able to look into the mirror. 

Iamwoman's picture

Agreed DPW.

I have felt physically nauseous over what Maggot has done to her own children. OSS15 is so evil and manipulative now, and he thinks we are the bad guys (zero evidence of course), and YSS11 clearly is torn between loving me and his dad and joining in with OSS15 and Maggot's evil agenda to be "a part of the gang." He is definitely slipping away from us though too.

DH has always done the right thing. He is moral and kind. He also is strict and has kept a perfect balance of discipline and love for skids.

If anything, I have been too loving and giving to them.

While I feel sorry for skids, I also recognize that they are willing participants. My mother tried to alienate me from my stepgrandmother, but I did not participate and had an amazing relationship with an amazing SGM (who now has dementia). Skids took the opposite road as I did when I was 8-18. Skids decided to be evil alongside Maggot. They made a choice.

I feel more sorry for DH.

There will always be two people running around in this world with half his DNA, who have been taught to HATE him for no good reason at all.

I am hoping someday DD17 asks DH to adopt her, so that he at least has one child who loves him.

thinkthrice's picture


Divorced 15 years ago, remarried 3 yrs after the divorce to StepDaddyBigBucks and will not utter my name/pretend I don't exist per outside sources.

1. Relegate SM to persona non grata

2. Alienate skids

3. Blame father and SM for EVERYTHING

4. Crow about being a victim/helpless/struggling "single mom"

5. Launch scheme after scheme to try and slap down father, then become giddy with delight over the thought of father being miserable


justmakingthebest's picture

I feel like as a BM myself- I was not issued this handbook. (Seriously, where did they even get these ideas?!?!?!)

I don't think I will ever understand the logic of some of these BM's. 

thinkthrice's picture

divorced twice...never thought about going on a scorched earth policy

hereiam's picture

BM over here could win the lottery and still find a reason to be miserable, and try to make others miserable. She would still be the victim, still be jealous of, well, everybody, and trying to convince others how happy she is, despite all of the "abuse" she's had to put up with. She's just such a generous, giving person and it's too bad that others have crapped on her so (almost verbatim from her social media page, years ago). It's laughable.

I was always the "bitch who stole SD's dad". She had kicked DH out for the 3rd time (at least) and he was finally done. She never love him and cheated on him their whole marriage (and emotionally abused him). I think she thinks that had he not started dating me, he would have gone back to her (for more abuse). So, in her eyes, I "stole" him. Is it stealing if it's been put out on the curb?

My SD29 has been alienated since she was a teenager. My DH is sad about it but he realizes there is nothing he can do. SD and BM have a weird co-dependent relationship and even though SD sometimes realizes it's not healthy, she can't get out from under BM's thumb, even now that she is an adult and married.