You are here

Spring Break

Ginger_SM's picture

We pick up the girls this Friday for their spring break. DH got a text from YSD asking if BM's Mom and sister could pick them up one day when we are working because all her family lives in our state.  Honestly, DH and I don't want to give any time to them because for one it created issues over the summer when we tried to work with them.  Also, I am not comfortable with them picking them up when we are not home. We don't give a key to our place to the SKs because boundaries were crossed during the summer and don't plan on providing one in the future.  

It's annoying because they always ask through the girls for time. DH and I feel that if it isn't asked directly to him it is a no 100% of the time.  But even so we don't really want to work with her family for time because it creates more drama and it isn't like BM tries to be any bit workable with us. She is the dumba** that chose to move out of state to accommodate her husbands ex and their kids. Plus DH has such limited time to start. 

Given this what would any of you recommend how to go about this diplomatically? And how do you not feel guilty like you are taking something away from the kids because I know they do want to spend time with them too. 


shamds's picture

They are cod, its common sense that they have to compromise and there will be some occasions/events that they can’t attend because its during other bio parents time. 

If the bm family have tried multiple times to sabotage your time with skids that hubby is entitled to and keep pushing, its just a firm no and that they are not to ask again because the answer will not change

if you give in just this 1 time they will push more and more. They need to respect those boundaries in place

Winterglow's picture

I'd simply point out that if BM's family want to spend time with the kids, it's up to BM to facilitate that. It isn't your fault they live nearer to you than to her. Your DH's time with his children is limited - why should he give any of it away?

lieutenant_dad's picture

"Sorry, we have things planned for the kids. Please work with BM to schedule time to see them when they are back with her."

Wash, rinse, repeat.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I would flat out tell the kid "We have plans during the break so it's not going to work out. In the future if BM has an issue with the schedule she needs to talk to me directly."

Ginger_SM's picture

It is just annoying that it is almost expected that they should be able to piggy back of our time because BM doesn't want to pay for additional flights. They think that they can ask to take them while we are at work and they aren't technically taking time.  But they said this over the summer and ended up picking them up for dinner. 

We essentially want to send a message to BM saying any time arrangements need to be made directly with DH and anything through the girls will not be abided.  Then that might open a can of worms or she will agree in the moment and nothing will change. 

There is also the desire to say no time will be surrendered to her family and she will have to plan on her time directly to her. But our attorney says it would look good on our part to accommodate a little time but only a couple hours. Not necessarily for this visit. 

twoviewpoints's picture

I can understand the girls wanting to see GMa and Aunt while they are close in area and don't get to see them possibly as often as they use to. I can understand the grandparent and aunt wanting to get the chance to spend time with the girls.

However , this is Dad's time. Doesn't matter Dad will/would be technically at work during the day/afternoon. Dad is still the custodial parent during that period and he is the responsible parent for anything and everything that happens during that week. 

The girls were there last Christmas break (IIRC) and there was the drawn out saga over flight tickets and accommodating BM's relative directly after Dad's period. Bullsh*t.

I'm not uncaring when to comes to grandchild and their grandparents. I get the bond and desire. But again, none of this is Dad's problem. He has two girls under his direct care during the parenting time... if he wants them home and in his home during his time (and especially when he isn't home) then that's were the girls should be. He gets to parent his way on his time.

He is making no attempts to interfere on any grandparent/ extended family visits during any of BM's parenting time (and BM has far more parenting time than Dad). The relatives have plenty of any of to work out visits with BM on her time and he won't or can't say a peep. 

If BM and or the rest of her family are too cheap to make that a reality, not your problem. If Dad and you moved tomorrow in a different direction away from relatives state he wouldn't be asked nor expected to accommodate BM/relatives... he shouldn't be asked nor expected now. 

If the girls pout and whine Daddy won't let them see GMa on his time, he needs to sit them down and calmly explain that this is his time a judge gave him, he is responsible for them and with him they will be. And these are not little girls, they can perfectly understand how much time they could be seeing these other people numerous times through out the year without involving him. That's on BM. 

Ginger_SM's picture

Oh yes! And we are still having residual crap from the Christmas visit because BM agreed to reimburse us for something but now that we are requesting it, she is trying to manipulate it not to pay. Our lawyer with the last conversation said that it just seems that she is concerned about the money with everything. DH and I rejoiced that she finally sees the light of what we are dealing with.. kind of hahha...

But that is exactly how I feel twopointsofview. At the end of the day they actually have more access to the girls than we do because of BM being the custodial parent.