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Venting like an AC

Ginger_SM's picture

I feel like the drama never ends. Now I don't think DH has been necessarily all peaches to deal with with BM and his relationship but it just aggravates me that she does not see how she creates a lot of the drama especially recently. But I guess what else can you expect. DH has been kind of scared to push at her with things in the past and they have only had an actual CO for two years. You'd think having this would create less drama but we have probably had more in the last two years than for awhile even despite her moving across the country. 

It's frustrating because I do feel like she is being ridiculous but in essence sometimes I feel DH gives her the anmo at times which is all the more frustrating. 

Anyways, right now we are dealing with BS because my DH claimed the OSD on taxes for the first time ever in 13 years. They do have a stipulation in their order stating he has to be current on insurance premiums and CS. Cool, so DH called ORS in December from the information he received we thought all fine and dandy. Well come to find out there was a small amount in the arrears so now it's of course a battle. But something still doesn't add up because with the amount presented it shouldn't have been current by the time we filed and in that case our return would have been taken but it wasn't.  Well two weeks before taxes are even due is when BM decides to text not a word before and it is only after her taxes got rejected. Fun for us. And after not immediately getting the response she wanted we get a letter sent to our attorney from hers. 

We feel like we shouldn't have to ammend our taxes because she for one did not do her due diligence and just assumed, which we know for sure with how she approached the situation. We did not push on claiming one last year even though DH was fully current, given the situation. Also there was a clerical error with ORS as well that should not necessarily fall back on him. And once again this is the first time ever! 

Well our attorney feels if she files a motion she could be awarded attorney fees because technically and it could end up costing us more.  But it is already costing a freaking ton every time she throws a tissy and she technically owes us money at this point but is of course trying to find ways out of it. 

And on top of this she keeps texting DH for an update and it's like ask your damn attorney you got involved. Then yesterday she thought including me on her strong arm text was a good idea. Which aggravates me because that is their battle not mine. I'll talk to the attorney if I feel I have something to say. Basically I told her to not contact us again regarding the matter and all updates would come from them as she chose to include legal counsel. She doesn't care what anything costs us so she will have to pay to get any information at this point. 

Our attorney says we do have a leg to stand on regarding legal joint custody stuff and so that just makes it harder because it's like by no means is she following anything unless it benefits her yet we keep getting screwed. And pushing that would cost more money and just seeing other stories it feels like she will just get a slap on the wrist for it. 

Sorry, for the overly long post. Just needed to vent and possibly some advice in what others have experienced in similar situations. 


tog redux's picture

DH just gave up ever trying to claim SS on his taxes.  She wouldn't agree to sign the form she has to sign, so it was pointless.

Sounds like technically, even though DH thought he was current on CS, he wasn't, so the claiming of SD SHOULD go to BM.  Is that why your attorney thinks they could award her attorney's fees if it goes to court? 

tog redux's picture

Then you guys should amend your taxes. It would be nice if BM could be reasonable, but this type never is.  The alternative is to offer to pay her what she would have gotten if she claimed the child.

BM here tries to get as much money as she is allowed and MORE if she can manipulate it that way.

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

give up while you’re ahead

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Okay, fine, if you were technically in arrears, tell BM that you will amend your taxes - BUT you will also be amending last year's taxes as well since she mistakenly claimed skid then.

In for a petty little penny, in for a pound, right?

Ginger_SM's picture

I wish we could do that but we had mediation in November 2017 and how the mediator put it when we were talking about the topic was that it seems like she has already counted her chickens on that one so I'm not sure she will back down. So, we just let it go and that's kind of why we feel she should let this one go. This was also the only thing out of the whole situation that she burst into that tells you where her concerns are. It was an honest mistake this time and we willingly didn't push too hard on that, although we wish we had because she wanted to settle that day as much as we did. There is also a lot of hindsight that we wish we wouldn't have agreed to or had pushed on. 

Idk our attorney said that if she files a motion it is kind of black and white in the courts eyes but idk I feel it would depend on the judge. We could file a motion for what she owes us, so since it would be multiple matters idk if a judge would award attorney fees but who knows. Our attorney also said it might not be worth it to push for what she owes us because it is a small amount so if she tries to get it, it is basically a wash. But it is sort of a principle thing at this point to us. 

MommyT's picture

You may feel like she should let it go but she won’t. If your DH made a technical error, the courts won’t care and will have you amend your taxes anyways. Why cost yourself even more money by going to court? I am so thankful this part of DH’s CO was clear. He never claims ss but he does get a break on his CS because of it.

tog redux's picture

Yes, exactly. You might be willing to back down, OP, if you were in BM's shoes, but she won't. Don't risk it.  She will cry in court and your DH will look like the bad guy.

Ginger_SM's picture

Yeah, it is just hard for us to let this go because we keep getting hit financially because she is dumb. We just had barely finished paying the legal fees from the last tissy she threw. She went and got OSD braces without speaking to us even though she legally is supposed to. And of course she picks a super expensive place.  She only gave DH a week to figure the tax stuff out before we received a letter from her attorney and all he asked was let me contact ORS to figure it out and he kept receiving different information so he had to call a couple times. We also feel she should have communicated this in January basically saying since you weren't current I am claiming OSD because so and so, I'm a greedy b**** basically. Not the last part but if she had brought it up then it would have cost us both less and it would have been proactive. We would have been pissed but would have been easier to just let it go then. We were under the impression everything was how it should have been so why would we reach out.

I'm just bitter I guess. And I wish we would have received correct information in Decemeber because we would have just paid the arrears and called it a day because it was a very minimal amount. My husband was only out of work for a month in the beginning of the year so in theory that wouldn't create a large back amount but for some reason it took them a couple months to start pulling again which I did not realize. 

tog redux's picture

Just assume BM will be difficult.  It saves you a lot of grief.  She's entitled to the tax return as well as the arrears, and she's going to get it. You may think it's not fair, but the law is on her side.

Just do the amendment and avoid the attorney's fees.

Ginger_SM's picture

The arrears were taken care of already as I said it was a really small amount left. 

It's obviously more of just an expectation thing because it did give us a little extra money and we felt we were finally getting ahead a little but nope.. months later... as per usual.  And we have already incurred fees because of how she approached it. And the money she owes us pretty much would have covered the arrearage and was owed at the end of the year so... but basically we are being told to let go of the money owed because it would cost more to get it. So it just feels there are only repercussions on our side even though she does worse things by putting the girls in the middle consistently. 

Siemprematahari's picture

It seems like your d@mned if you do, d@mned if you don't. Just let it go and let her collect the money. Peace of mind is worth a lot more than going back and forth with this high conflict BM and feeling stressed and frustrated.

Ginger_SM's picture

We are just concerned if we keep folding that it will basically open the door for things like this to keep occurring so trying to shut it down, if at all possible.