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Ginger_SM's picture

Curiousity, what are reasons any of you have switched attorney's? 

We kind of feel like our attorney hasn't been truly listening to us in any situation and are seriously considering switching attorneys because we feel it is adding frustration on top of an already frustrating situation. 


Harry's picture

You can switched lasers, I really don’t think it’s going to stop BM from playing games.  After the first month or so, I don’t think new lawer is going to be anymore effective with BM.  You don’t even live in the same state ?  With BM is the PC parent so any court has to be in BM state.  Maybe a lawer in BM state would be helpful 

Ginger_SM's picture

Oh we definitely do not anticipate BM to stop playing games but we don't really care for how our lawyer has been handling situations and at some times putting us in a worse position. And more of the bad taste was created with our December visit issue and residual from that. With that we feel like we need a more firm and direct attorney than the one we have almost.

No, all court matters are in our state because it was filed before she moved.  

My Husband has a different attorney for other matters and both him and I wish he practiced family law because his demeanor meshes so well with DH. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Have never switched attorneys, but I think your reasoning is pretty solid. If you don't feel you're getting the representation you need/deserve, then that's a good reason to switch.

nengooseus's picture

For several different reasons...  One moved (she was awesome).  Another was TERRIBLE, and like you've described, wasn't listening to us, so we dumped her).  We used one for one finite case (she wasn't right for my DH, but I use her and adore her!).  Then we found DH's perfect lawyer, who now has cancer and is out for several months, so DH is currently pro se.

We pay lawyers a fortune to represent us in court, so we absolutely should replace them if they're not the right one for us.  It's a pain, but it's not worth throwing good money after bad for a lawyer than doesn't represent us the way that we want/need to be represented.

Notup4it's picture

I would say if your gut tells you to switch, do it!!  I told DH to switch and he didn’t and we ended up paying a fortune and getting absolutely no where. 

We are dealing with a game playing GUBM as well and DH’s lawyer always fakes the long way around things and doing that has cost us a ridiculous amount of money.  I’m not sure if another lawyer would have been able to handle it differently, but my gut with this one has said that she knows GUBM will play games, never ageee and be impossible and her taking the long route is a way for her to pad her own pockets.

ESMOD's picture

Like any professional that you pay for their services.. if you aren't getting what you paid for.. obviously.. can change.

I would just point out a couple caveats to this though.

1.  If your situation is actively in play with court or negotiations.. expect the new atty to need time (that you will pay for) to become up to date on your case and the issues at hand. 

2.  Think carefully about what you really have a concern about.  Now, on the face of it "they don't listen" can mean a lot of things.

It could be legitimate ignoring of your requests for specific items to be addressed in a CO (valid)


It could be a lot of circumstantial and "arm chair quarterbacking"  that in reality aren't particularly relevant or won't be helpful in your case.  I recall one person wanting their atty to listen to the "stories" of other EXes of BM because it "proved a pattern of alienation".  Of course, it would all be subjective and not fact based and no court had ruled there was any wrongdoing by the EX with any of these people.. so running a bunch of disgruntled Exes through court wouldn't have been a good idea.. but the poster didn't feel the Atty was listening to them.. when in reality.. the Atty was not taking time to go through a bunch of people that they didn't think would help the case. 

Sometimes we think we "know better".. but the Atty knows that what we think "makes perfect sense" would have no standing in court.  Of course, the lawyer should be able to shut this down by telling the people that what they want to do is not helpful.. but not every lawyer is great about frequent communications.

So.. if you truly are having issues where you are getting no feedback at all.. maybe you should change.. but understand that sometimes what you want to say won't really help your situation.

Ginger_SM's picture

We would wait until the current situation is resolved before we begin to switch attorneys. I understand they view things from a different view and so sometimes you have to take it with a grain of salt. 

Our frustration is we said we would only agree to things a certain way and she advised us to go a different route. Well that route has essentially cost us more and now she says we should do it the way we requested in the future. Which to me is sort of a slap in the face. 

She kind of counsels us in thinking BM is reasonable, but she isn't.  They have somewhat started to see this but it doesn't necessarily help. We have requested she send us things which we still have not received. We had an email addressing multiple situations and only got a response on one and only to say they don't agree with our approach and would like to schedule a conference call. 

During December they asked us to meet in person to basically tell us to give up our visit because of circumstances. Whenever I asked a question about what about this type thing they acted put off and did not discuss any other possible options. This then cost us more having to have the conversation at a different time and we ended having our visit with stipulations. 

nengooseus's picture

She kind of counsels us in thinking BM is reasonable, but she isn't.  They have somewhat started to see this but it doesn't necessarily help.

This has been our struggle.  Family court is supposed to be quite civilized and both parties are assumed to be reasonable people.  This simply isn't always the case and when you're reasonable and the other party isn't, your lawyer has to adjust.  If that's not happening, I wouldn't wait for the next go-round, I'd address it now.

My lawyer gives it to me straight, which is perfect for me because I spin up easily and I need a reality/sanity check more than encouragement to bend, when dealing with my XH.  DH needs someone (other than me) to reinforce his backbone because BM is off her dang rocker and her attorneys don't seem to address that.  I love DH's attorney (who has cancer, dammit) because he lets me be his paralegal which saves us time and money.

advice.only2's picture

I wish we would have switched, our lawyer would tell us one thing in person, and then when we would get into court she would sit silently and go along with whatever Meth Mouth wanted and the judge would then order it. Since it wasn't my lawyer it wasn't my choice to fire her or not. But for all the money we paid her I think she only helped one time out of seven years of in and out of court.

Ginger_SM's picture

We definitely felt like she was going with her maternal side and kind of siding with BM even though the whole thing was highly exaggerated with December. Thank you for the link! 

BMs attorney is mainly a bail bonds attorney but does some family law. With this and our experiences I feel like he will be one to want to win to win just like BM, so we need someone who is more of a fighter. 

Thumper's picture

She kind of counsels us in thinking BM is reasonable, but she isn't.-----OP your comment put the icing on the cake for me.


The more squabbling the better. The more striff, the better. The more back and forth the better. Its called churning the case. $$$$$$$$$

It can take a long time to realize (THANK GOD FOR STEP TALK) that the problems you report to  your attorney your having with BM, your lawyer has seen hundreds of times so have the courts.

YOU must decide what your willing to fight for and what your not.

IF bm has full physical custody...unless she ends up in prison and the kids are removed from cps there is very little that will change IF you have already gone to bat for 50 50 equal share custody and courts denied you/dh.

If your able to, go sit in several family court sessions to watch how the Judges decide various cases in the district your hearings are.  The results may give you a huge perspective.. 


Ginger_SM's picture

She lives in another state so 50/50 is not even an option unless she moves back, which could be a possibility down the line. 

That's why it is frustrating that our attorney says to push on the joint legal stuff because while it is important to an extent. It will change very little other than costing us a lot of money because it would have to be something serious to make any real change. 

Most of our court stuff so far has little to do with changing custody but her trying to exert control. That's why we see this continuing and feel a more firm attorney would be best to possibly shut some of it down.